Life by Proxy
by jenejes
Summary: Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standard, or will her history define her future?
1. Prologue

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?  
><em>

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

I am not Stephanie Meyer. Obviously, but I am having quite a time with her characters.

And now...onto the story:

Prologue

September 1993

She was perfect.

The baby had ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes with a ton of black hair covering her head. However, as her sister's oncologist, Dr. Carlisle Cullen knew that she also had the potential to be a lifesaver, and her parents viewed her as the salvation of their family. Dr. Cullen prayed that she would indeed be the match her sister needed.

With a heart full of hope, he harvested the cord blood from the new baby and prepared it for lab testing. As he was finishing up, his thoughts turned to blood counts, bone marrow, and transplant preparation. It was through this haze of thoughts that he watched as the gynecologist placed the new baby in her mother's arms.

Victoria Biers had been dealt a tough hand with Riley, her first daughter. Diagnosed at four with leukemia, they have been in and out of the hospital their entire lives. With the new baby, whose name Dr. Cullen was eagerly anticipating, the Biers family grew, hopefully providing match for Riley. At least, this was what he assumed was the intention. Taking the cord blood to the lab to make sure she was a match for 5-year old Riley, he left the family to celebrate the birth of their baby girl.

Carlisle dropped off the sample at the lab and decided to wait it out After the tech informed him it would be thirty minutes, he decided to get a few errands done while he waited. He popped into his office, returned some calls, refreshed his coffee, and got a snack in the cafeteria. He only had to wait for a few minutes once he returned to the lab and wasted no time getting the results from the hematologist.

Unfortunately, the results were conclusive and Dr. Cullen readied himself to pass on the heartbreaking news. He hoped that even with the news, they could hold onto the fact that they still had a wonderful baby. When he reached the room, James, Victoria's husband and the father of her daughters, was pacing in front of the door as he waited for the results of the typing test. Ushering James into the room, Carlisle opened his mouth to deliver the bad news, but closed it again when he noticed the baby wasn't with them. Instead of gaping like a fish, he blurted, "Where is the baby? I would love to see her again."

"She's in the nursery for now," Victoria stated with very little emotion. As a pediatric oncologist, Carlisle spent as much time with the parents as he did the patients. For Victoria to be demonstrating this much apathy worried him greatly. He knew she was under tremendous amounts of stress due to Riley's situation, but post-partum depression usually took longer to manifest itself. He also worried that this much trauma had caused some sort of PTSD behaviors. He decided he would add these thoughts to her file later, but now was not the time to psychoanalyze Victoria.

Steadying his breath, he gave the worst news he can give parents.

"Well, James, Victoria, I wish I could say I have good news, but it looks like the baby isn't a close enough match for Riley to chance a transplant. I'm going to recommend that we keep her on the transplant list for now while you care for your new baby."

Watching their expressions fall was tough, but then a weird look of…resolve...came over Victoria's face. Carlisle was about to ask what she was thinking when she spoke up.

"Carlisle, we don't have another baby. Just, get rid of it. If it can't help Riley, we don't want it." To say the doctor was shocked was a massive understatement. James flashed a grimace at his wife, stood and walked toward the doctor, gesturing to Carlisle with his hand to join him in the hallway.

"Please understand, right now I need to worry about my wife and Riley. We aren't cruel people, but if Riley," he shuddered out a sob, "were to lose her fight, I can't promise we would be fair to the baby. I will make sure she gets a good home, but sh…we don't have the energy for another child, and we were hoping that she could have saved Riley. We… well… we just don't really have the energy for any more children. Thank you, Dr. Cullen. That will be all for now. Like I said, I need to take care of my wife." With a slump of his shoulders, James then returned to his wife where he heard her gently crying. With a sneer of disgust at the new mother and the anger rolling off him in waves, Carlisle correctly assumed _her_ tears were for Riley and not the baby they had just essentially thrown away.

Carlisle had never felt such hatred for two people in his entire life, but he was not one to allow his emotions to guide his actions. How could they do that to a child? A beautiful, innocent baby no less!

Luckily for them, it wasn't his place to try to make them see the error of their ways. However, he decided to do the only thing he could to keep his conscious clean; he would hand Riley's treatment off to a different doctor, as he could no longer be impartial. Theoretically wiping his hands of the family, he walked away from the Biers' room. He had no way of knowing that the beautiful little baby would one day become one of the most important people in his life.


	2. Chapter One

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?  
><em>

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

I am not Stephanie Meyer. Obviously, but I am having quite a time with her characters.

And now...onto the story:

Chapter One

_Victoria, James and big sister Riley Biers welcomed Baby Girl Biers on September 13, 1993 at Phoenix General hospital._

James read his daughter's birth announcement in the newspaper. The simple and straight to the point announcement rankled him to no end. Victoria wanted nothing published due to the glaring failure of her plan — a plan now complicated further by the impending adoption.

As they ran low on options, Victoria's desperation grew to find an alternative that gave Riley a fighting chance at life. At the age of three, Riley was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Lymphoma, and their only hope for total remission at this point was a bone marrow transplant. When both parents were tested and told they were not a close enough match to donate, Victoria researched every available course of action. The only viable possibility in her mind was to wait for an anonymous match. When James mentioned the idea of having another child, Victoria said she couldn't fathom having another child who might experience a full life, while Riley's life was cut short. Therefore, it was only a, last-resort option for her. Saving Riley became Victoria's only concern, and because of her determination, it became the family's only concern.

James never thought he would be afraid of his wife, but seeing the look in Victoria's eyes when she told him she didn't want another child would have killed a lesser man. That look alone convinced him he could never tell his wife that he would have been thrilled to have another child. When it became evident that they had run out of other options, and that there was a possibility Riley may not survive without a transplant, Victoria relented. James was thrilled that they were trying again for a baby.

It didn't take long before the family of three was expecting. Throughout the pregnancy, he was pressured, at Victoria's insistence, to keep the pregnancy very quiet and that there were to be no celebrations for this addition to the family. Now, the whole city knew of his new little girl, and he was not only losing his baby, but probably his Riley, too. Knowing that life did not always deal a winning hand, James had to play the crappy cards he was dealt.

So, after the birth of his beautiful new baby girl, he secretly named her Bree. Keeping this information to himself, he would do what he could to shower her with love. Knowing they would only be in the hospital for a day or two, he waited until Vicki dozed off so he could sneak into the nursery. Watching his baby Bree dream brought to mind all the thoughts of his other baby girl and the news that devastated their family.

_Their friends had warned them about how busy three-year-olds could __be. Her parents reminded them that Riley would run and get bruised. So when James and Victoria Biers took their daughter to the pediatrician to have a pesky, lingering bruise on her leg examined, they were not prepared for what they heard. An unexpected diagnosis completely devastated the young family. __They heard words like "rare", "difficult to treat" and "50% survival rate." Unable to process anything, the couple simply nodded their heads at the nurse when she scheduled an appointment for the next day to do further testing and to make decisions regarding the treatment plan. The parents left the doctor's office numb, went home and cried, mourning a death that hadn't yet happened. _

_After crying, there was nothing left but to sleep together in the big bed where the family was created. Since then, little Riley Biers celebrated two birthdays and learned to fight her cancer with a tenacity only matched by her mother's. _

Those acquainted with Victoria knew her as a devoted, focused mother and wife. Once the Biers were able to wrap their head around the situation, both she and James took every piece of advice the doctors provided. This included having a $30,000 ventilation system installed in their home and a custom HEPA system in a new Prius. In this car, they also had a fridge installed for her meds and snacks, and an AED for the trunk. Their whole lives were focused on caring for their daughter, including Victoria taking a leave of absence from her architecture firm to be there for Riley.

For the first two years, both James and Victoria went to night school and obtained their LPN degrees so that they could provide around-the-clock care for their daughter. For the times when they needed to be gone, they hired the best home health care nurses in Phoenix to care for Riley.

No one doubted the devotion the couple had for their daughter, but James felt resentment for his wife that with time only got harder to ignore. His anger at Victoria was so rooted in his love for little Bree that he often felt torn in half by the two emotions. There was no good reason that Bree had to be adopted out in the first place. His wife's myopic vision regarding Riley cut him deeply. Their lives had become based solely on Riley's needs, sacrificing the husband-wife relationship that had made them so happy in the first place. Logically, he knew that he and his wife needed to spend some time together alone, but emotionally, he could not find the energy to care.

While holding the baby who would no longer be his in just a few days, he thought back to the pregnancy.

_Saying __the pregnancy had been stressful for them would be an epic understatement. They rushed to the hospital four times due to Braxton-Hicks contractions, and the threat of early labor loomed over them constantly due to the stress Vicki put on herself. So single-minded in her mission of saving Rile,y __she'd refused to even think about naming the baby until after its __birth and a positive match declared._

"_She has to have a name,__ she's __a baby. She's our baby, Vicki." James tried to reason with his wife._

"_No, that will make it more real, and what if the baby's not even a match? I don't want it if that's the case. I don't want anything to do with it. I just want Riley to live. Why can't you see that I don't want another child? I just want __my __baby to grow up!"_

_Even after seven years of marriage, James could still be surprised by his wife's drive to get what she wanted. Once Vicki set her mind to something, all other options disappeared. While he generally admired her confidence and tenacity, there were times when __he couldn't wrap his brain around her inability to see the bigger picture. This was one of those times. She didn't see it, but he cringed every time she called the baby "it." __They__ came to blows one day after he could no longer keep his mouth shut._

"_It?" __he__ asked incredulously. "What if she isn't a match? You are really considering giving her away if she's not a match, aren't you?"_

"_Absolutely! Could you look at it knowing Riley died because it wasn't what we needed?" Victoria was almost crazed at this point, and James knew to stop trying to deal with her like this. He would wait to argue for keeping his newest child again once Vicki had given birth and seen her perfect face._

As he rocked "Bree" in the nursery, he knew that he'd not only lost his fight to keep her, but was losing his wife in the process. With this one decision, he knew that he would hate his wife for the rest of his life.

Kissing his baby daughter on the forehead, he put her back in the warmer and pulled out his cell phone, and he hoped his decision to do as his wife wished, in his own way, would make him feel like less of a monster someday.


	3. Chapter Two

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?  
><em>

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

I am not Stephanie Meyer. Obviously, but I am having quite a time with her characters.

And now...onto the story:

Chapter Two

Hundreds of miles from Phoenix, Jane Higgins listened as her daughter regaled her with stories of a recent trip. Renee and Charlie Swan had recently returned from their "honeymoon" - a two-week long drive up the Pacific Coast Highway. Charlie worked as a police officer with the local department and Renee worked part-time at Newton's Outfitters. After three years, they had finally squirrelled away enough savings and vacation time for the trip. Renee and her mother sat in Renee's small dine-in kitchen and gushed about the trip over coffee.

"Oh, Mom it was wonderful. You wouldn't believe how many times I caught men staring at me. I was so nervous to be in just my swimsuit at first, being that I was so pale when we got there. Oh, then we met a few famous people on Venice Beach, and we went to a club grand opening. The shopping was amazing - I couldn't believe the boutiques. Charlie thought I was crazy, but I needed a new dress for the opening. Even that basketball player, Kobe whats-his-name, said I looked beautiful. It was perfect!"

Jane couldn't help but notice that she only mentioned her husband once in the whole story, and the disappointment was overwhelming.

"Renee, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're married. You are bound to another person, a person you have promised to love and cherish, for the rest of your life. A person who loves enough to make a baby with you. Yet, you're still talking about other men. You and Charlie have only been married for two years and it already sounds like you are shopping around. So, I ask again, what are you doing?"

Renee shook her head at her mother as she spoke.

"Oh, Mom. First of all, please don't bring up the miscarriage. That's just nasty. Secondly, I'm just looking. My eyes still work. I'm not going to cheat on Charlie, he loves me. But there is nothing wrong with feeling good about being looked at. I'm not sure if you noticed, but Charlie isn't the most affectionate husband anymore, and sometimes it just feels…I don't know, boring. Like we're already an old married couple? It's not ideal, but Charlie knows I'm not going anywhere."

It took an immense amount of effort for Renee not to add "yet" to the end of that sentence.

"I would make sure of that. No man likes to see his wife flaunt herself around like a hussy. Charlie is a good man, and you will do well to remember that. I don't know what I did wrong raising you, but attention is not currency and love is not attention. Be careful you don't reach so high that you fall off the ladder, my girl." With that, Jane kissed her daughter on the cheek and left the house.

Watching her mother leave, Renee dumped out her coffee into the sink and sighed with relief. She felt as if her mother could see right through her and it was extremely disconcerting. Shaking her head, she thought about how her mother seemed so wise, and prided herself on her "sage" advice.

If only Jane knew the truth about the miscarriage.

In Renee's youthful quest for unending love and affection, she refused to see the simple truths of life. One truth being that people were often their own worst enemy. Renee knew how dicey it could be to sleep with her boyfriend's best friend. Justification took the form of excuses like she 'wasn't married,' ‚'it was short' and 'it's over now'. In fact, it ended abruptly because a pregnancy test came up positive and Renee realized that she no longer needed the extra attention that Billy provided. She was growing a child that would love her unconditionally for the rest of her life.

So, with that thought in mind, Renee agreed to marry Charlie on her nineteenth birthday.

Pregnancy made life wonderfully easy for Renee. Her parents were over the moon to have another grandchild. Grandpa Alec, famous for his pony rides, was thrilled to have a grandbaby so close to home. Renee's sister lived in Phoenix and had her own busy life, so Renee didn't concern herself with her much. Old Mrs Newton let her run the register all day due to her "delicate condition. "Charlie doted on her, taking such great care of her and the baby. It was during those early days of the marriage that Renee felt truly loved for the first time in her life. Charlie let down his guard and stopped being so reserved with her. She watched in wonder as the quiet man she resented melted away as her belly grew larger. Before they knew it, four blissful months had passed.

Standing over the kitchen sink finishing her strawberry pop-tart, Renee smiled at her reflection as she heard Charlie come bounding down the stairs. With a kiss on the cheek and a smack on the ass, he started to say goodbye before being cut off by his wife.

"Hey, babe. Would you bring me to work today? I'm too tired to walk today."

"Sure, no problem. Is everything okay? You're not sick are you? Is the baby giving you trouble?"

"I feel okay. Tired and fat, but okay. It's probably that bag of Pizza Rolls I ate last night. These cravings are killing me."

"Well, you look beautiful to me, Renee."

"Yeah, yeah. Just keep reminding me of that, okay?"

It was lunchtime at the station, and Charlie was flipping through the Mariner's catalog for infant Randy Johnson outfits when the call came in for an EMT response at the diner.

While the dispatcher tried to get the name of the patient and more information, Charlie rocketed out of the parking lot in the direction of the diner, his tires spitting rocks as he went. In his gut, he knew it was Renee. His wife loved to be fawned over, but never actually complained about being sick. When he had heard her say she 'felt off' that morning, he suspected something was wrong. Using his radio, he let the EMTs know that he would meet them at the hospital, and asked them to let his wife know.

The sight of an incoherent Renee being wheeled into the ER seemed surreal to a frantic Charlie. He had spent so much time trying to prepare for the day when he would be rushed to the hospital; he never even considered their current situation. Through ringing ears and watery eyes, he sat as the doctors explained that his wife needed surgery.

"Charlie, it looks like Renee suffered a miscarriage at the diner. She's a little out of it right now because of all the blood she lost. She'll be okay, but we need to get her into the OR and fix her up."

"Dr. Gerandy, what...what about our baby?"

"I'm so sorry Charlie, but she lost the baby. There's nothing we can do to revive the baby. Right now we are focused on Renee. I'll come and get you when the surgery is finished."

To this day, Renee had no words to accurately describe the grief she saw on her husband's face when Dr. Gerandy told them that she'd not only lost the baby, but that it may be impossible for her body to carry another baby to full term.

"It's called Uterine Retroversion. Basically, Renee, your uterus is in the wrong position, and it makes it very difficult for the body to accommodate the baby correctly. Surgery only works part of the time, and in this case, your body already rejected the baby by the time we were able to get to you. There was nothing we could have done to save the baby."

"Will we be able to have another baby?" Charlie tried to mask the hope in his voice, but Renee could hear it as he spoke with the doctor.

"Conception is possible, no doubt. However, any pregnancy will require surgery, careful monitoring, and complete bed rest. Even if you follow the instructions to the letter, it is more than possible to lose any baby because of this condition."

"Will this hurt me even if I'm not pregnant?"

"Without a fetus to stretch the uterus, you are in absolutely no danger. You may have cramps during menstruation, but I expect you experience some of that already." Dr. Gerandy offered the couple a wan smile, but he knew nothing would provide comfort after receiving that kind of news.

"I'll leave you two alone, but always know that we're here if you want to talk, and there are other options out there."

She knew Charlie had always wanted kids, but she always put off the discussion, claiming that she was too young. Now that the option was off of the table, she could see all hope of a family he'd had leave the room along with the doctor. She could tell he was trying to hide the disappointment he felt, but it was written all over his face. The whole thing left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Just because Renee couldn't see herself spending the rest of her life with Charlie, there was no way she was going to give him a reason to leave her. The idea that this hurdle might be too big for them to get over gave Renee pause. She would need a backup plan to keep Charlie distracted from the unhappiness about children, and making plans was not her strong suit.

In the year since they lost the baby, Renee spent most of her energy fooling Charlie that she was happy. Charlie had never asked for much, just a good life with the woman he loved and a couple of kids to call him "Daddy". She knew that for him, she was it. "Swans mate for life," he had always said. After the miscarriage, Renee began to view him as a means to an end. Between the exhausting act she put on for her oblivious husband and the stares she got from the pitying eyes of the townsfolk, Renee was ready to get out of Forks, Washington. Unsatisfied with her marriage, but without any options, Renee decided to stay put until a Prince Charming rescued her. He, no doubt, would love her the way she deserved, like her unborn child would have. The shrill ring of her cell phone brought her out of her childish daydreams of the "perfect" life.

"Hello?"

"Renee? Hi! It's Jimmy."

9


	4. Chapter Three

**Complete Summary**: _Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

I am not Stephanie Meyer. Obviously, but I am having quite a time with her characters.

And now...onto the story:

Chapter Three

At the sound of her brother-in-law's voice, Renee's whole mood changed. She loved talking to the man that managed to snag her sister. Vicki was a few years older than Renee and always acted like "the ideal child." Renee hated that her wonderful sister managed to marry the perfect man, so she took every opportunity to flirt with and fluster the man.

"Brother Biers! How's the family? How is Riley? How's that sister of mine? Oh silly me; sorry for all of those questions."

While he usually laughed at her staged exuberance, today he only sighed. She knew immediately something had happened at the tone of his voice.

"Riley is the same, I'm afraid. We had a plan but found out today that it wasn't going to work, either. That's actually the reason I called."

"You need something? From me?"

"Yes, a favor."

"You need a favor..._from__me_?" Renee made no effort to hide the surprise in her voice at this discovery.

"Uh…yea… well, you and Charlie, actually. We, um, well, we had another baby. Vicki gave birth to her yesterday around lunchtime."

"WHAT? She never said a thing!"

Renee was so surprised by her sister's actions, she nearly dropped the phone.

"Yes, unfortunately, secrecy was part of the plan. Anyway, the baby is not a bone marrow match for Riley, and Vicki just can't really deal with anything else right now. She's my child. I need her to have a good home, and I'd like to know that she's loved. Charlie and I have spoken a lot about the miscarriage, and I know he doesn't want you to try to carry a baby again. I don't know about you, but he is dying to be a dad."

Renee listened as she heard James take a deep breath. Though she should have been preparing herself for his request, she could only think about Charlie actually talking about something emotional. She had always assumed her husband never spoke about his feelings at all, but this bit of information made her realize that he just didn't speak with her. This discovery made her mouth fill with the bitter taste of bile and jealousy.

"Is there any way that maybe you would think about adopting her?"

Looking at the phone, Renee could not believe her ears. Her hopes of finding some way of keeping Charlie happy while she lived her own life may have just come true. In the middle of bouncing around in her own version of a touchdown dance, she realized James was still waiting on the phone. She heard him getting frustrated when she put the phone back to her ear.

"Renee? Are you still there? What's going on?"

"Yea…yea, I'm here. Sorry. That's a lot to take in. So, you're saying that Vicki doesn't know you're calling me? And that you need _my_ help?"

"Yes, please."

"Wow. I have to talk to Charlie. Can I call you back after we've talked about it?"

"Of course! Thanks, sis. You're a lifesaver."

Charlie sat in his recliner watching the baseball game when Renee came bounding into the room looking like a cat that just ate the canary. He noticed that her face lost five years of age since her phone rang, and he couldn't help but wonder what her caller could have had to say.

"So, that was Jimmy."

Charlie looked at his wife as if she was a puzzle to figure out.

"Jimmy? I didn't know you two were on speaking terms again."

"Meh," she replied with a shrug of her shoulders. "I think the call was more for your sake than mine, but he did ask us to do him a favor."

"Yea? Hmf. Why didn't he just call me?"

Just as Renee was about to answer, Charlie started to jump and down, screaming at the TV.

"Run! Run! Run! YES!"

"Honey, could you pretend for a minute or two that I'm important? Please?"

"Sure, sure. Sorry, Hun. Look, I'll even turn off the TV and give you my full attention." As he spoke, he smacked his wife's ass with a devious smile on his face.

"See? All yours."

Renee responded with a smile of her own, realizing she may not need to tread as lightly into this conversation as she thought. Putting her arms around Charlie's neck, she relayed the phone conversation.

"So, Jimmy called. He wanted to share some news with us. It turns out that they had another baby."

"That's great! What did they have? Is the baby healthy? How's Vicki?"

"Slow your roll, cowboy. He didn't say much, just that they had a little girl, he was happy, she wasn't, and they've decided to...uh...give her...up-for-adoption."

"What? There's no reason for that! They have the resources and the love to share. Why?"

"It sounds like Vicki just couldn't deal with another kid. Riley isn't doing well, so..."

"So, nothing. If I were your dad, I would take her over my knee at the thought of getting rid of your own kid."

Before Charlie really got into his rant, he felt the small warm hands of his wife cup his face. Pulling his face to hers, she distracted him with a soothing kiss.

"Jimmy didn't call just to tell me that. He called because he wants _us_ to adopt her. He was hoping that we would raise his baby girl as our own."

Charlie looked at his wife, stunned. Before he even registered it, he whispered quietly, almost reverently to the air next to her.

"He..us...baby...a baby? I could really have a daughter of my own?"

Grabbing his wife's face, he kissed her again, this one full of promise, hope, and love. During the kiss, he realized that he spoke in the singular, confirming that his heart discounted Renee as a mom a long time ago.

Perhaps love was not as blind as the adage suggested.

He remembered talking to Jimmy about his fears regarding Renee and children. Not only did he worry about another miscarriage, he also worried that she would approach motherhood like one of her crazy - and short-lived - hobbies. It felt freeing to be able to express his concerns to someone who would try to be partial. As a lawyer, Jimmy could always play devil's advocate when Charlie needed it.

Pinpointing the exact moment that he stopped seeing Renee as a doting mother took no effort at all. Three days after Charlie found out that Renee had lost the baby, she had forced him to leave his post at her side. After a scalding hot shower, he wanted nothing more than to wallow in his sorrows with his friend, Billy Black. Once at the The Wolf Pack Pub, the men began to get down to the business of getting drunk.

Several beers into the night, Charlie began to pour his heart out to his best friend.

"_We made a baby, and now he's gone. I made a life with the woman I love. It doesn't get any better than that. How did it all go wrong? Is it my fault?"_

_Through his drunken haze, he saw his friend's face fall. Instead of getting an encouraging pat on the back, Billy surprised him with yet more bad news._

"_What if it had nothing to do with you? What if it was all on Renee?"_

"_What do you mean, Billy?"_

_Rubbing the back of his neck with his large hands, he let out a breath in a large whoosh._

"_I mean that...there's a chance...you might not...oh, shit. There's a really good chance that the baby was mine."_

"_But...you...Renee..YOU SLEPT WITH MY WIFE?"_

_Charlie jumped out of the bar stool only to sway in place and slump back down. As fast as the anger took over, it dissipated. He knew it was only a matter of time before his wife's selfish tendencies took over, but he had no idea that she would've crossed that line._

"_You are my best friend. How could you, man?" _

_Trying his hardest to put on his interrogation face, Charlie sat, waiting for an explanation as to how his friend could follow through on such a betrayal._

"_It started off as an innocent flirtation before you two were serious. She was hot, and no matter how wrong I knew it was, it just felt so good to be out of your shadow for once."_

_He used his balled-up hands to rest his head on the edge of the bar. Looking up at his friend from his hunched over position, it was easy for Charlie to see his despair. _

"_There are no words to express how badly I feel. Honestly..."_

"_Honestly?" Charlie interrupted. His rage may have been gone, but the drunkenness seemed to elevate all of the hurt he was feeling._

"_How do you expect me to actually believe anything either of you say anymore? You didn't feel it was important to tell me until I've literally hit rock bottom? Screw you!"_

_With that, Charlie got up once again, threw a couple of bills on the bar and walked out into the cool, misty night. It was a good couple of miles into town, but that didn't mean anything to the heartbroken Charlie. With one last look over his shoulder to make sure Billy wasn't following him, he started the walk back to the house he shared with his lying wife._

_Charlie rose with the sun the next morning. Unable to forget Billy's life-changing confession from the night before, Charlie made his way to the hospital. This conversation was not one he wanted to have, but it's always best to rip the Band-Aid, as quickly as possible. _

"_Charlie? What are you doing here so early?"_

_Instead of answering her, he watched her reactions instead. Taking care of his wife was such a habit for him, he didn't realize that his hands were picking up her bedside table, and folding her clothes on the chair. Taking a final breath, he opened his mouth._

"_Would you be interested in hearing what I learned last night, Renee?"_

"_Sure, what channel did you watch?"_

_"I guess we could call it 'Drunken Confessions,' but it wasn't on TV. I went to the bar last night with a real good friend of ours. I guess he's a better friend to you than me, though."_

_Making no effort to hide the bitterness and hurt from his voice, it didn't take long before Renee's face paled in realization._

"_I have only one question, Renee. Is Billy the only one?"_

_Watching his wife finally crack under his scrutiny was answer enough. Crawling into the tiny hospital bed, he scooped his sobbing wife into his arms and rocked her until she calmed down._

"_You are my wife, my lover; just as I am yours. We vowed to be faithful to each other, and I have always respected that oath. I should not be an obligation to you, Renee. If you want to leave, you need to ask me for a divorce. If you want me, you can have me, but only me. This is an all or nothing thing. I'm all in. It's up to you. I'll be at home when you make up your mind."_

Renee did come home, and in that time had proven that she could be a faithful and loving wife. To Charlie, it seemed as though she flourished without the pressure of having children. With her condition, taking children off of the table, and her complete shift in attitude regarding the situation, Charlie had all but given up on the idea of parenthood. So, her excitement over the prospect of motherhood caused the cop in Charlie to question her motives. Having a daughter might not fix all of the holes in their marriage, but as soon as hope bloomed in his chest at the thought, Charlie knew he had already fallen in love with the idea of raising his niece as a Swan.

Looking into her eyes, he knew Renee could see the skepticism on his face. However, she misinterpreted his hesitancy and began to plead her case yet again.

"Charlie, you know this may be our only chance to have a child."

"You've seemed pretty happy this last year with the idea of not being a mother. What brought on this change of heart, Renee?"

"I'm still terrified of being a mom, Charlie. Nothing has changed, really. I guess you could say that hearing from Jimmy made my Grinch-heart grow three sizes, or some other BS. Really, it comes down to the fact that my family needs help. Making you happy in the process? Bonus."

Flattered by his wife's efforts to put his desires above her own, he put his suspicions aside. With a smile and one final kiss, Charlie picked up his wife off of his lap and set her carefully on her feet. Grabbing her small hands in his, he joyfully stated his decision.

"Let's go to Phoenix and get ourselves a daughter, Renee."


	5. Chapter Four

**Complete Summary**: _Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

I am not Stephanie Meyer. Obviously, but I am having quite a time with her characters.

And now...onto the story:

Chapter Four

Looking at his cell phone, James pondered how to go about appeasing his wife, but in a way that he was also satisfied. Looking at Bree, he couldn't help but notice that the hair on her head was inexplicably darker than his blonde or Vicki's ash, and it instantly gave him an idea. Though confident this developing plan would be perfect for the situation, James knew he needed a little advice from his dad.

"Aro Biers. Speak and be heard."

"Dad, really? I know that's not how you really answer the phone, is it?"

"Only for you, son. I love to get your goat. You're so easy. How's the baby?"

"That's what I wanted to call you about. I need some advice."

"So, I assume you want your mother, then?"

James could hear the smile in his dad's voice, laughing at their inside joke about the first months of Riley's life. If his mother, Dora, wasn't at their house helping, they were on the phone with her seeking help and advice.

"Ha ha, Dad. No, this is more of a legal situation actually."

"Legal? I don't understand. Explain this to me please."

Looking around at the large observation windows, James decided that the nursery was not the place to have this conversation.

"Actually, now that I think about it, is it all right if I came over to discuss this? This place is a little crowded, if you know what I mean."

"Sure son, see you soon."

"Thanks, Dad."

Across from the nursery, in a darkened exam room, sat a very confused Carlisle Cullen. The Biers' had always seemed like such a team, that he couldn't fit the current scene into his impression of the family. Perhaps James wasn't as on board with getting rid of the baby as Carlisle first assumed. Watching him with his daughter was a sight to behold, for sure. It calmed the still- angry doctor to know that their decision to get rid of her did not come lightly, at least not to James. Waiting until after Mr. Biers was out of sight after his phone call, Carlisle slipped out of the room, and back to his office. While he was still upset that they were getting rid of the baby, he felt he could forget the fear he held for Baby Girl Biers, knowing now that James would take care to get her a loving family.

Pulling up into the large, curving driveway of his childhood home, James already felt better knowing his parents would never lead him astray.

He had barely gotten his car door open when he saw his mother rushing out of the house.

"Oh, Jimmy! I'm so happy to see you!"

He let out an audible "oof" as Dora ran into him at a near sprint.

"Hi, Mom. It's good to see you too. Thanks for coming to the hospital earlier; it meant a lot to have some support up there."

"Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry about this whole thing. I…well, there just aren't words, are there?"

Putting his hand over his heart in faux shock, he couldn't help but tease his normally vivacious mother.

"My mother, the great and wise Mistress of Self-Help has no words? Dad, quick! Get out here! I think I broke Mom!"

James watched as Aro poked his head out of the front door just in time to catch a swift slap to the chest from his mother. After all of the stress of the last couple of days, their wit and humor were just what he needed to feel more like himself again.

Once the fun in the driveway concluded, the family found themselves in a more serious mood, gathered around the longtime meeting spot - the dining room table.

"Okay, Jimmy. I admit, you've got my curiosity piqued, so spill."

"Right. Well, you know that Vicki doesn't want Bree. While I could keep the baby and leave Vicki, I just can't do that to Riley. I don't know what to do. Riley is dying, I need to be there for her, but I don't want Bree to think that I don't love her, either."

His mother stared at her son appraising, but he kept his mouth shut. He knew his mom would break eventually.

"Bree? You named her, then?"

"No, not legally, but she needs a name. She's my little girl."

James watched as his mother's face turned smug, but she just nodded.

"Anyway, I wanted your blessing to ask Charlie and Renee to adopt her."

"Renee?" Your sister-in-law? Now, son…"

"Dad, I know. It's more about Charlie. He's a great guy, perfect, salt-of-the-earth kind of guy. He's actually become a good friend of mine, and he wants nothing more than to be a dad. And Renee can't have kids. I've thought about it, and this way I can still have her in my life, even if it's just as an uncle."

"Can you handle that, son?"

Dora's voice was nothing but concern, and Jimmy appreciated the lack of skepticism. Looking at her and then at his father, he answered honestly and with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

"Honestly? I don't know. But I do know that it will be better to see her from afar, than never see her again."

"Okay. Well, what do you need us to do?"

"Dad, can you please call Laurent and have him start on the paperwork? Mom, just stay right where you are. I might need a shoulder for this call."

Aro nodded his head, got up from the table and headed to his office. Dora simply smiled and moved to the chair next to her son. James pulled out his cell phone and called the last number he'd ever imagined in a time like this.

Renee answered after just two rings, and though he worried about her and her flightiness, he knew he was doing the right thing for Bree by bringing Charlie into her life.

"Hello?"

He took a deep breath and just talked.

"Renee? Hi. It's Jimmy."

Four days after the scariest phone call of his life, James paced the luxurious lobby of the Ritz Carlton waiting for the company car to bring his brother and sister-in-law. When he finally saw a flustered Charlie get out of the back of the town car, he smiled like a kid during Christmas. Grasping them both in huge hugs, it was obvious to James that the Swans were both confused and intrigued by the hotel meeting.

"I'm so glad you're here! I'm sorry that we aren't at the house, but Vicki doesn't know that you're helping me out with this, and I'd like to keep it that way. So the hotel it is."

Charlie gave his brother-in-law a sad smile. "No worries, man. We're just happy to help, in so many ways."

"You are helping. You are. Anyway, I thought we could check into your room, then get some supper at The Capital Grille and can go over the plan for your time here."

Leading the way into the restaurant, James took no time to secure a secluded table. Being one of the top family-law lawyers in Phoenix did provide some perks, including standing reservations at all the best restaurants in town. He looked longingly around the main dining room, remembering the nights he spent here with Vicki. In his mind, he watched them celebrate his JD, their engagement, her Master's degree, their first baby. The last image caused him to shutter slightly as he remembered the purpose of tonight's dinner.

After reviewing the menu debating and the best way to cook a steak with Renee, James put on his professional face and got down to business.

"Anyway, tomorrow you've got an appointment with Laurent. He's the adoption specialist at my firm. Luckily for you, Biers and Biers is the top family law firm in town-"

James was unsurprised when Charlie cut him off. It was written all over his face that something had been bothering him.

"Jimmy, I know you're good at your job and that means money. I mean, look at this place and that damn hotel. I have some money saved up, but will this Laurent help us set up some sort of payment plan? I know adoptions are expensive, and I'm sure we'll have to pay extra to get some of the legal stuff pushed through."

"No. He won't help with that because the cost is covered. This is my mess, and I intend to pay for it. However, because I work for the firm and own half of it, the cost is pretty much nominal anyway."

Charlie opened his mouth to say something, but James kept going.

"I know how you feel about handouts, Charlie. While you adopting Bree benefits us both, I would feel like a right jackass if I made you pay for it too."

He watched as Charlie seemed to scrutinize him. His curiosity grew when Charlie began to smile.

"What?"

Before he could receive an answer to his question, the waiter arrived with their food. As he distributed the food and poured more water and wine, James' scowl began to grow more pronounced. Charlie was all out laughing at his frustration.

"Bree?"

James could feel himself blush at the admission and began to fiddle with the napkin in his lap.

"Yeah, I named her. I couldn't not, you know? I've always liked the name, probably because it flows so well with Biers, but it's not legal. I won't hold you to it."

"Good to know. What I was going to say before you jumped in, you ass, was that I appreciate all you're doing for us. I know there's a lot of behind the scenes stuff you're not telling us, and the money thing is amazingly helpful. Thank you. Oh, and I'm buying dinner."

Both men laughed at that and all talk of troubling things was over. They spent the rest of the meal catching up and just enjoyed each other's company.

***  
>The next morning, the very nervous couple sat in the waiting room for one Laurent DuPont. The secretary had already given them hot cups of coffee and said that danishes were available in the office. Based on her imagination, Renee was expecting some stuffy old man and was shocked when a tall, dark and very dread-locked man ushered them into the office.<p>

"Please come in and sit down. I've just been talking to Judge Coldoné about putting a rush on your paperwork. Of course, before we can file it, we need to fill it out. I've got everything we need on the table over here. Don't worry; it will all be pretty painless."

His soft voice had an odd French lilt to it, but he was quick to put the nervous Swans at ease. Laurent proved to be very knowledgeable about not only adoptions, but calming potential parents as well. Had Renee not been swept up in his charm, she may have realized that she found herself getting excited about being a part of the baby's life.

"Normally, there are quite a few qualifying hoops potential parents have to jump through. However, it is actually pretty common for family members to adopt this way. Often, there is a surrogate parent or Social Services involved, so the courts were lenient with the guidelines in your case. It helped a lot that both James and his father vouched for you."

Renee felt a glow of pride warm her body as the attractive man looked at her. She also lapped up all the special treatment - from the amazing hotel room, to the ability to fast-track this whole situation.

She listened to Laurent speak about more guidelines and finally had enough.

"Yes, yes. We are great, blah, blah. When can we pick her up?" Renee's enthusiasm was so overwhelming, she cut Laurent off before he could even finish his thought. Both men chuckled and shook their heads a little at her. She used the fact that Charlie still loved indulging her whims, even after all this time. She imagined that as a lawyer, Laurent would just love to see happiness in his business.

Renee was really only thinking about her charity in this family emergency, and she saw her name in large black letters. "Renee Swan: Humanitarian of the Year." Just the thought sent shivers down her spine so large even Charlie noticed.

"Excited, huh? Me too," he whispered into his wife's ear as he grabbed her hand in a tender embrace.

"Okay, well I have some pictures here of her. As you know, James has named her Bree, but you can select any name you would like, as it isn't a legal name. Her birth certificate states 'Baby Girl', not Bree. James took these shots on his cell phone for you." Laurent handed over a handful of pictures to Charlie and Renee who stared at wonder at the baby girl staring back at them. At birth, Bree was just a peanut at 5 lbs. 6 oz. and 18" long. She had a shock of black hair on the top of her head and deep blue eyes.

Looking at the pictures, even Renee had to admit that she had never seen anything more beautiful in her life than her niece. It was Charlie's turn to finally talk.

Looking at his wife; he said quietly "I don't like the name Bree. It doesn't suit her. Let's call her Marie. I would like to name her after my mother; I can't think of a middle name.

Renee considered her husband's request, and for once, she actually considered his feelings about the matter.

"Marie would be honored, Charlie, but let's name her Isabella Marie Swan and call her Bella. Isabella is a bit more fitting, I think."

She had to remind herself to look happy, not smug, when Charlie got that look in his eyes. She's seen it the day they got married and knew exactly what it meant. Plans for the future of his family were taking over all of his thoughts. Renee decided to use the time to plan for all the attention she would receive when they went back home. Lost in their own heads, they completed the paperwork that officially made them parents.

On the drive over to the hospital, husband and wife were quiet, still indulging in their own fantasies of parenthood. Renee was already planning parties and how she would handle the ladies and their well wishes and admiration to her upon their arrival home. This will certainly show Heidi Stanley who's who in Forks. Like getting knocked up from a one night stand will beat adopting an unwanted child!

Charlie was dreaming of playing catch, teaching her how to fish and teaching her how to appreciate sports. Of course, he was fully prepared to indulge her in a tea party a time or two. Charlie looked at his wife just as a smile was spreading across her face. While he hoped that she was excited about the prospect of motherhood, he knew Renee's motives would inevitably be more selfish.

Of course, Charlie had no way of guessing how malicious his wife could truly be.


	6. Chapter Five

**Complete Summary**: _Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

I am not Stephanie Meyer. Obviously, but I am having quite a time with her characters.

And now...onto the story:

Chapter Five

Renee Swan tapped her nails impatiently as she waited for the waitress to bring her coffee in a roadside diner in Spokane, Oregon. She always hated slow service, and this restaurant was worse than that horrible excuse for a restaurant in Forks. _Forks_, she thought with equal parts disdain and something else she couldn't quite determine. It has been three years since she signed herself up for parenthood. Every day since then, she berated herself for her naivety.

With every new baby born in that small town, she saw all the women fawn all over the new mother. She thought it would be great to receive all that attention too. Of course, add to it the charity of the adoption, it should be double, right? Apparently not, and she still harbored resentment that the kid actually got the attention. She could still remember the comments.

"Oh, she's so precious. How could anyone give her up?"

"That's so wonderful of you to help your sister out. Can I hold her?"

It was 'baby this' and 'Bella that.' _She_ sacrificed for this kid. _She_ changed her own life for the baby. The baby just cried, slept and shit herself and _Renee_ was expected to be at its beck and call. Renee did _not__do_ beck and call.

Bitterness came easy now, but the beginning hadn't been so bad. Charlie outdid himself as a father and husband. He woke up to feed the baby at night, took out the trash and completed all sorts of projects around the house. During the day, he doted on Bella and showered her with love; and while at night he loved Renee with as much enthusiasm. Renee kept her pride in her husband a secret because she would never admit that seeing him that happy made her happy too. But as time went on and the little girl became more entrenched in Charlie's heart, Renee began to worry. Did he love the baby more than her? Was Charlie forgetting about his wife because of this girl? The fact that she couldn't ask her husband to answer these questions only increased her anxiety about the situation.

This last month had been the final straw. Charlie actually had the audacity to say hello to the baby before her. Somewhere along the way, that damn girl became more important than his wife. Renee had noticed it happening more frequently in the last year or so, but it had become constant lately. That would not do. They adopted the baby with few problems, and she knew that someone would scoop her up just as quickly. Grabbing a bottle of wine, she began to plan her next move.

Charlie had been on nights for the last month and pulled into his driveway with the first morning light. Closing the door quietly behind him, he started to take off his holster when he noticed movement on the couch. It took a few seconds before he made out the shape of his wife sitting on there.

"Renee? What are you doing up?"

She slowly turned her head in his direction. From the new angle, he could see that she had either spent the night crying, or was very drunk.

"Charlie? Sit with me."

By the way she slurred through the short command, he knew she was drunk. Sitting next to this wife, he pulled her into his side, ready to listen to what had her so upset.

"I miss you, Charlie. Let's go somewhere, just us."

"That sounds wonderful, Hun. But your parents have been watching Bella a lot lately with my night shifts, and I couldn't ask them to take her for a whole vacation."

"What if we didn't need to worry about a babysitter?"

"Oh! Taking Bella with us would be so much fun, we could go to Disneyland!"

From her position next to him on the couch, Renee lifted up onto her knees, straddling him, and began to run her fingers up and down Charlie's chest.

"No, Charlie. I mean I miss us. Just you and me. I think we need to go back to just us. It's the only way we work."

"What are you talking about?"

"We've had fun. We did the parenting thing. It's no fun, and I want us to have fun again."

Before he could even form a response, Charlie's body went into full panic mode. Jumping up from the couch, he grabbed Renee's arms, which prevented her from falling, but he mainly did it to see the look in her eyes when she explained herself.

"You what, Renee? You want to stop being parents? Just give Bella up and pretend she was like a pet with a short lifespan?" Charlie managed to contain the snarl he felt crawling up his throat as he spoke the vial words.

Standing on her toes and grabbing Charlie by the shoulders, she could hear the anger building in his voice and feel the tension building in his body. She began to speak quickly to bring her argument home.

"Yes. Exactly like that. I'm sure somebody would take her; I mean she's finally potty trained. We need to focus on us; you need to focus on me."

Pushing back in disgust, Charlie turned toward the staircase leading to Bella's room. Though he knew she would be sleeping soundly, his body began to walk towards the stairs involuntarily in response to the fear prickling the back of his neck. Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, Charlie grabbed onto the handrail to keep himself from charging at his wife. As he turned his gaze to Renee, his eyes became ice cold.

"Deep down, I think I knew this day would come. You always make the choices that work for you, Renee, but we have more to think about than just us now. I'd choose her over you every day of my life, Renee. You are a selfish woman and I hate myself for not accepting the truth sooner. Jimmy may have called you, but it was me he wanted to take care of that angel up there. You are free to do whatever it is that will finally make you happy, which means I believe you and I are finished. Just pack your shit and go. Bella and I will do just fine on our own up here in Forks."

The fight had finally gone out of Charlie Swan, right there on those steps. He took one last look at his wife and said what he wanted for her. He may have still loved his wife despite all her obvious flaws, but he could no longer live with her and her desperate pleas for attention.

"Go. Live your big life. You are free from the obvious obligations Bella and I have forced upon you. You have until supper. That gives you eight hours."

With that, he left her opening and closing her mouth like a fish out of water to gather his daughter for daycare. He may have just gotten off of a twelve hour shift, but he refused to stay in the house for one more minute with his wife. He just couldn't stomach being near her right now, especially after the nonsense she just spouted at him.

Not one to flaunt his business around his notoriously gossipy small town, he acted as though everything was normal with Marcy Weber when he dropped Bella off for day care at the Lutheran church on the other side of town.

"Hey, Charlie. Aren't you working nights this month?"

"Hi, Marcy. Yeah, but you know how it is," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "Got called in. You have room for Bells, right?"

"Of course, she's such a sweetie and she's just about the only one who my little Angie will play with. She's always welcome."

"Thanks, Marcy. I'll see you tonight when I pick Bells up."

"Bye, Charlie."

Just as he did every morning, he gave his little girl a hug and a silly 'tache kiss' as she called them. Her fascination with her Daddy's facial hair amused Charlie to no end. Bella's giggles echoed through the empty room, making his spirit soar. His heart was breaking thinking about his wife, but was healing just as fast when he thought about that little girl and their future together.

With her righteous indignation and wounded pride, Renee packed up her clothes and toiletries along with a few pictures of herself that she wanted with her. In the haze of anger and jealousy, she entered her daughters' bedroom and packed up some of Bella's clothes and toys.

Walking through the house she shared with Charlie for the last five years, she put away her morning dishes, folded the clothes in the dryer and sat at the kitchen table. After seven attempts at a goodbye note that didn't sound whiny, helpless, or pathetic, she stopped trying. Instead, she left her house key, her cell phone and her wedding ring in place of a note. With a few ugly words pouring out of her beautiful mouth, she threw her belongings into her car and pulled out of the driveway.

After draining her account, and dropping by the Verizon store to get a prepaid cell phone, Renee surprised Marcy at the daycare by requesting to pull Bella out for the rest of the day. Considering that Renee never visited, it was with no small surprise that Marcy regarded the woman.

"Well, it's actually nap-time right now and the kids are sleeping. Why don't you come back in an hour, and she'll be awake?" Marcy asked, looking to buy time to call Charlie.

"I could, but I thought I would take her to Port Angeles, so it actually works perfectly, and then she can wake up when we get there. It just feels like forever since we've just hung out and done 'girly' things, that I thought it would be fun. I'm sure you know what I mean, having Angela and all."

Marcy became suspicious of Renee's explanation, knowing that she rarely spent time with Bella, but couldn't find a way to argue with the woman's logic, being a mother herself.

"Well, I do understand wanting quality time. Okay, have a good trip."

Renee was pleased that her story seemed to charm the skeptical daycare provider. With daughter in hand, belongings in the trunk and all the cash she had in her bank account, Renee Swan left her old life behind in search of a better one anywhere.

After dropping Bella off at daycare, Charlie decided coffee and breakfast were in order. After eating at a leisurely pace, he had no other excuse to avoid the station. It dawned on him as he walked to work that even though his marriage was on its way to be over; he hadn't felt so happy in some time.

Walking in, he nodded to the day crew, Randall, Mary and Charles as they were getting report on a string of break-ins in the town's trailer park.

"What'cha doing back so soon, Charlie?"

"Well, Randall, I just had to make sure that you old-timers could hold down the fort."

"Old man? Just keep talking kid. One of these days, you'll be the old man."

"Didn't I tell you? I've never growing up! Staying 25 forever, just you watch."

While busting Randy's balls, he noticed the ever-keen eyes of Mary watching him. He made a hasty exit, but realized there was no escaping the interrogation he would get from his partner about the sudden shift in his attitude. With the decision to worry about it later and a belly full of food, Charlie crawled into one of the empty holding cells and fell asleep before his head hit the rock hard pillow.

Waking up suddenly, Charlie was completely disoriented and confused as to why he woke up in the first place. He then heard his favorite sound in the world, his little girl's giggle. Having Charles set that as his ringtone made him love that damn cell phone.

"Charlie Swan here."

"Hey, Charlie. It's Marcy at the daycare. Why didn't you tell me Renee was picking up Bella today?"

This question fully woke the sleepy cop out of his post-nap haze.

"What do you mean 'Renee picked up Bella?'"

He hadn't meant to slip into 'cop-mode,' but when it came to Renee, sometimes being official was the only way to get answers.

"Well, uh…she said she wanted some girl-time with Bella. I was surprised, but assumed that Renee finally figured out that she has a great kid and wanted to hang out. Did I do the wrong thing, Charlie? I know you said you would get her later, but Renee's her mom, you know?"

"Yeah, I know, but I'm just surprised that's all. Thanks for letting me know Marcy."

After hanging up the phone, he tried calling the house. When he got no answer, he tried Renee's cell phone. When that went straight to voice mail, there was no way to hide the panic. Scenarios began to flash in his brain. Were they in an accident? Were they kidnapped? The fear intensified until he was in a full sprint out of the station. Throwing on the lights on his cruiser, he rushed home to get any answers he could.

However, the only answers waiting for Charlie when he walked into his kitchen left more questions than information. Looking down at the ring and house key, he was almost relieved to see that his wife had left without a fight. It was seeing the cell phone that left him uneasy. She may have had disagreements with her mother, but Charlie couldn't imagine Renee leaving without a way for her to contact Jane or vice versa. The suspicions he had kept at bay refused to be ignored as he sat down at the table. Before he could stop them, they bubbled out of his mouth at the empty house.

"What did you do, Renee? You just had to hurt me, huh? Why take Bella? What do you gain by hurting a little girl? Where would you go? Please, please let Bella be with Jane. Please just let this be a 'lesson' I needed to learn or something. Please tell me you didn't steal my baby…"

The words were cut off by a sob, as he allowed his heart to break. Realizing that time was now of the essence; Charlie fought to get himself under control. After allowing himself to breakdown for twenty minutes, he downed a glass of water, a beer, and splashed his face with cold water. Feeling a bit more like himself, he pulled out his phone to put out some feelers. He would find Bella, but he doubted he could do it alone.

"James Biers' office. How may I help you?"

"Irina? Hey, it's Charlie. Is Jimmy around?"

"Oh, hi! Yup. He's in his office; let me see if he's busy. Can you hang on a second?"

"Sure, sure."

Until he could really tell someone what was going on, Charlie was wound so tight he was using only the most basic conversations skills. His mind was such a mess, he was lucky he could find any words at all.

"Charlie! What's going on, brother?"

"Have you talked to Renee? Do you know if she's talked to Vicki today?" There was no hiding the panic now that he was voicing his suspicions aloud.

"No…dude, you're scaring me. What's going on?"

"I kicked her out. She wanted to…she…I think Renee kidnapped Bella."

"WHAT?"

"I've got her cell phone, a bunch of Bella's stuff is missing and Renee picked up Bells from daycare. She never does that. I have to get the department involved, I think, I just needed to know if you've heard from her."

"No. No, I haven't. I'll call Vicki. What do you need me to do?"

"Write up divorce papers with full custody, restraining order, and anything else you can think of. Really, just keep your ears and eyes open, yeah? I'm hoping she comes your way."

"Yeah, anything man. Good luck, keep me posted."

"Done and done."

Calling Jane was next on his mental list. He wasn't sure if he was more afraid of her reaction to Renee's actions, or to her disappointment in him that he gave up on their marriage, but there was no putting off the inevitable. He didn't even wait for her to greet him; he needed to spit it out before he heard her kind voice.

"Jane, have you talked to your daughter today?"

"Nope. Not since she called me yesterday bitching about the service at the diner last Friday. Again. Why?"

Here we go. Gird your loins, Charlie, he thought to himself. "Because she told Marcy that she needed 'girl time' with Bella and took her out of day care today."

"What?" He could hear Jane laughing as she spoke. "Oh, Jesus. Did she say where she was doing this 'girl time'?"

Buoyed by the obvious exasperation with her daughter, Charlie continued on with his story.

"PA. We both know she hates Port Angeles almost as much as Forks."

"Is she hiding in town? Took Bella to get you to realize how much you needed her? Or just to get you to agree with whatever bug has crawled up her ass this week?

Charlie let out a bone-deep sigh, still nervous about her reaction.

"I kicked her out."

The words hung in the air for a moment as Charlie waited.

"'Bout damn time, Son."

After his own parents died, Charlie had grown very attached to the Higgins and they had been nothing but wonderful to him. So for him to hear they thought of him as a son calmed his fears somewhat in regards to a future relationship with them.

"Well, thanks Ma, but now my baby's missing."

"Did Renee take anything else?"

"All of her clothes, her self-portraits, some of Bella's clothes and toys. It's what she left that worries me more. She left her cell, Jane."

"Shit."

The stress must have started to make Charlie crazy, because he couldn't help but laugh at the prim and proper Jane swearing like a trucker.

"Yeah, shit indeed. I already called Jimmy, knowing he would help keep his eyes open for her in Phoenix and I'm going to the station now, but I'm not sure… You and I both know she only took Bella to spite us, no, me. She has no love for that little girl and I'm terrified what she'll do. I won't be to blame for what I do to your daughter if she hurts mine, Jane."

"Well, you certainly won't hear any blame coming from this house. Go get our girl, Charlie."

Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed and supported me during this journey of mine! Thank also to Emily Bowden and the wonderful ladies at PTB! I have learned so much from you already. I can't believe I have reviews :) It was such a rush. On a housekeeping note, I will try to publish every couple of weeks and I have no idea how long it will be. So, stay tuned...


	7. Chapter Six

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?  
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**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

I am not Stephanie Meyer. Obviously, but I am having quite a time with her characters.

And now...onto the story:

Chapter Six

The trip had started out well for Renee. She drove to Denver, but found the altitude didn't agree with her. She had lived in the Pacific Northwest all of her life and wanted to start over somewhere completely different, and at that moment, the idea of Florida popped into her mind. She had always wanted to visit because it had everything Forks did not; heat and sunshine, plus it pulsed and thrummed with life.

Passing through the Midwest, stopping only to eat, sleep and fill up, Renee was rather single minded on getting to Florida. Bella began to get restless in Arkansas and it continued on through Mississippi. After almost 250 miles of constant crying and screaming from the backseat, Renee broke. Pulling into a rest area just outside of Tupelo, she delighted in its deserted appearance. Bella looked like a mess, covered in of tears and snot. Renee didn't even want to pick her up. Instead she carefully led her to the bathroom where Bella went potty and Renee washed her face. The little girl seemed fine on the way back to the car, and Renee hoped that she just needed to go to the bathroom. However, when Renee told Bella to get into her car seat, the tears started again in earnest.

"No, Mama. My butty hurts. I wanna lay down. I wanna go home, I wanna see Daddy!" She managed to get out her desires in between just a couple of hiccups and sobs.

A normal reaction to such an outburst of grief would be to scoop up the little girl and hug her. Renee, however, was no normal mother. Instead of comforting the girl, Renee fought against the rage welling up in her stomach, opting to pick up the little girl roughly and put her in the car seat, rather than leaving her there and driving away.

When the tears started again, Renee grabbed Bella's 'bankie' and put it over her head.

"Just shut up! I just need you to be quiet for two fucking seconds!," she screamed.

Renee has always been overwhelmed by loss of control, and it usually manifested itself as panic. This panic bubbled out of her mouth as she began to yell and plead with the small child.

"WHY WON'T YOU JUST BE QUIET? Please, just SHUT UP!"

As she increased pressure on the little girl, the sound became more muffled, and it gave the exhausted and agitated woman an idea.

Changing positions, she grabbed the blanket with both hands and pushed it against her daughter's face. After a minute of constant pressure, Bella's pudgy little limbs slowly stopped flailing, and silence filled the car. Renee pulled back the blanket and sighed deeply. She began to feel the rage subside and the red drain from her eyes as she was bowled over by the endorphins racing through her blood. After a couple of minutes, the dizzying rush started to recede, and Renee was able to focus on her surroundings. It still took some time for her to realize that Bella had stopped breathing, but she figured she could use her considerable charms to make any nurse believe this to be spontaneous. With a plan in her head, she closed Bella's door and climbed into the driver's seat of the car, driving Bella to the closest hospital.

With zero effort to look flustered or afraid, Renee pulled into the ER at Baptist Memorial. Stepping out of the car, she walked to the admission desk holding her lifeless daughter.

"Excuse me, can you help me? My daughter's not breathing."

A friendly looking nurse watched Renee coming in through the sliding doors and tried to get information out of the unusually calm mother. She had seen enough frantic parents in the ER to know they just need to be comforted, but was unsure how to react to such a calm mom.

"Hi. My name is Mary, I'm a nurse here. Can you tell me what happened?"

Assuming the mother was just in shock; she put her hand on Renee's shoulder anyway, and spoke softly but firmly.

"Ma'am, I need you to tell me what happened so we can help."

Startled by the nurse touching her shoulder, Renee looked at her quickly before turning back on the scene before her.

"We were driving and she wouldn't stop crying. Then all of a sudden, I noticed that she had quieted down. I thought she cried herself to sleep, but I guess she just stopped breathing."

Throughout the interaction, Renee remained quite impressed by the strength of the high coursing through her veins. This kind of calm and euphoria could only be described as a drug. In her mind, she knew the baby would be fine (she hadn't pushed _that_ hard, for Pete's sake). Because this nurse did not immediately jump to attention, she was a little nervous the panic would come back, but instead she felt nothing but peace and a little joy from the whole incident.

The nurse finally decided that the child needed treatment, and jumped into action. All at once, the nurse called a code blue, listened to Bella's chest, and began to pump oxygen into the still not breathing child with the in-wall oxygen. The little mask dwarfed the girl's face, making Renee dreamily think that she looked like a doll, real but _not_ real. Concerned by Renee's expression, the nurse continued to interview the mother.

"Do you know when she stopped breathing? Do you know how long she's gone without oxygen?"

The question snapped Renee out of her thoughts. Shaking her head, Renee told the nurse yet another half-truth.

"No, like I said, I thought she fell asleep, so I didn't want to disturb her. I realized she wasn't breathing when I stopped at the rest area just west of here on the freeway."

Now that the code team had arrived, the nurse needed to usher Renee out of the room so she would not be in the way. She again touched Renee on the shoulder in an attempt to start the mother moving.

"Okay, ma'am, the doctors are here, so if I can have you step out into the waiting…"

"If it's okay, I'd like to be here when she wakes up." Renee began feel the prickly edges of panic when she realized that if she were not monitoring the situation closely, her lies could all come undone quickly, if Bella was to tell the truth and expose Renee.

"That's fine, I'll have the admitting nurse bring you the paperwork we need you to fill out, Mrs..."

"Swan. Renee Swan."

"Mrs. Swan, I'll be right back. Please stay out of the way until the doctor says you can see your daughter."

The nurse quickly left the room while the doctor and crash team were working to revive the little girl. With the whole team focused on saving the little girl, it didn't take long before she could breathe on her own. The doctor allowed Renee to have a minute with her daughter before he pulled her aside to talk to her.

Renee gently stroked the girl's hair out of her face. But the words that came out of her gritted teeth held no tenderness.

"Hello, daughter. I did what was best for you. I took care of you. Don't forget that."

Renee only used that tone of voice with her daughter when she worried that Bella might tell a different story than her. After the undisguised threat, Renee fell silent, but continued to monitor her daughter closely.

After a few minutes, the doctor came back into the room to speak with Renee.

"Mrs. Swan, my name is Dr. Marcus. I am with the team that revived little Bella here. Nurse Tanner says that you don't know what happened, is that right?"

Renee just rolled her eyes at the question, wanting to immediately jump to the defensive. However, she took a deep breath and found the calm still coursing in her blood.

"No, I was driving, and we're new to the area, so I was trying to watch the signs for a rest stop. As I told Nurse Tanner, she just kept screaming, and then she stopped. I assumed she cried herself to sleep again. We are driving across country to start over, and she's not the best road-trip buddy, as you can imagine."

The last statement was more truth than Renee had spoken in some time, and the fact the doctor thought it was a joke brought a small, tight smile to her face.

Dr. Marcus chuckled a bit at her last statement.

"Yes, I can imagine you've ridden with better company. My point is however, that syncope by apnea is uncommon in a baby this old, and I suggest that we run some tests. Some of them are not pleasant, but it may give us an answer. It will also require us to admit Bella. Is this something you are willing to do? "

As he said the words "not pleasant", he placed his hand on Renee's shoulder in a comforting gesture.

Renee couldn't remember being touched as gently or as kindly by anyone as she had by the staff in some time. Euphoria mixed with waves of power pumped through her body in a heady combination, forcing her to sit down on the chair behind her. The doctor regarded her quietly while she appeared to be debating her decision. During her revelation of pure, clandestine pleasure, she realized by having more tests, they would both be there longer, and maybe she would continue to receive such affection from the kind staff. More attention would mean the continuation of her amazing newfound high.

"Absolutely, more tests."

The last week had not been a pleasant one in the town of Forks. The police force was knee deep in its kidnapping/missing persons case, thanks to one Renee Swan. Charlie couldn't eat or sleep more than an hour at a time. The guilt he carried around weighed heavy on his shoulders; he could be seen walking with a visible hunch. He was unable to distinguish if the burden he felt was so strong that he seemed the entire town felt it, or if he was projecting it so strongly that he could no longer tell where it stopped. He was so blinded by the loss of Bella, that he didn't notice the wide berth he was given, or that no one even charged him for the purchases he was making. Every meal at the diner was free, every drink at the bar picked up by someone else.

When he was able to stand to be in his home, he spent every waking hour in Bella's room, smelling her sweetness on every surface. He spent hours talking to her room, hoping she would just know that he was thinking of her. After another evening spent with Jack Daniels, he realized that when they found her, she deserved to know what life was like without her. With this, an idea started screaming in his drunken brain. Tumbling into the small office area in the dining room, he grabbed a notebook and a pen and wrote down everything he had been trying to erase with booze for the last six days. He wrote love letters to his daughter.

With a nod of his head, Dr. Marcus left Renee and Bella, only to return with a nurse carrying a large tote that looked like it should be full of cleaning supplies.

"Nurse Tanner is going to be getting some blood for the tests. Once we get the initial tests running, I'll work on getting Bella a bed upstairs in Pediatrics. Based on the findings, we may need to run different tests, or take some x-rays, but we'll start with the blood for now. Maggie, she's all yours." He nodded in Maggie's direction, who prepped the little girl for the blood draw. When the baby started to cry, Renee made sure Maggie watched as she fawned over her daughter.

Two days later, Renee found herself growing anxious with all the waiting. There was nothing wrong with Bella, and now that she had agreed to so many tests, she began to worry that the doctors would discover her initial actions. The on-duty nurse had just brought in a cot and some clean scrubs so Renee could sleep with Bella last night when Dr. Marcus had come into the room. Noticing that she seemed ready for bed, he told her he would visit today. Just as Renee was about to go and find him, Dr. Marcus poked his head into the room.

"Good morning, Renee. I wanted to go over Bella's test results with you, if you have a moment."

Feeling far less confident than she wanted, Renee swallowed down her nerves and put on her game face. So, after two days of pretending to be holding vigil at Bella's bedside, she actually touched the little girl.

"Of course, I hope you have some good news for us."

"Well, it's good and okay, I guess. As you know, we've done extensive testing. To name a few, we did blood tests, x-rays, urinalyses, arterial blood gases and a battery of pulmonary function tests. The good news is that all the tests came back normal. Bella appears to be suffering from exhaustion and slight dehydration, but no more than any kid in a stressful situation like the one you find yourself in…"

Renee watched as the doctor gently patted her hand and Bella's foot in a sign of understanding. She was simply amazed that even though the girl was the patient, the staff was so attentive to her as well. Although her expectation that all the attention would shift back the baby, Renee remained overcome with the powerful emotions she felt when she discovered that everyone went out of their way to make sure she felt comfortable too.

"With that said, we still don't have an actual reason for Bella to stop breathing the way she did. I'd like to say it was a fluke, but you will need to keep an eye on her, just in case. I'm going to have the nurses work on her discharge paperwork because there isn't anything else we need to do for her. Do you have any questions, Mrs. Swan?"

Still slightly swoony from the attention, Renee could really only shake her head in response.

With the wounds her ego suffered at the hands of Charlie, the concern of the staff acted like a salve for Renee. While she initially just needed Bella to be quiet, this turn of events turned out to be so much more than she could have ever hoped for. Renee felt as though she could see clearly for the first time in her life. They all treated her with admiration for her devotion to her daughter, and she never even mentioned that she had adopted Bella. It was the first time she didn't feel the impulse to correct the assumption of a biological connection.

Once the girl was discharged, they continued on their drive to Florida, and Renee felt a new sense of purpose. She also had a plan.

Days passed by for Charlie. Some days were sober; more were a haze of beer and whiskey. He knew that Renee meant the words when she expounded on her regret about Bella. Did she just take Bella to hurt him? Did she decide that she could get more attention with Bella? At work, he spent all of his time calling police departments, alerting them of his daughter's disappearance. More often than he would like, he heard scoffs and rebuffs.

"She's with her mom, she's fine."

"I'm sure you're just worrying yourself for nothing."

After he was blown off for the tenth time that day, he gave up. Steeling himself against the pitiful looks of his co-workers, he got in his car and drove to his empty house. Once the pizza was delivered, and the 12-pack of Rainer Beer was gone, so was Charlie. Lost in memories, trapped by fear, he could only hope for his daughter to be returned to him safely.

Before he passed out from booze and despair, he saw an old notebook on the kitchen table. On the inside cover was a list. Renee's handwriting reminding herself to clean out the attic was like a knife to his heart. It only twisted painfully as he looked at the first few pages and saw purple and green scribbles.

"_It's a doggy, Daddy. See, there are his ears and his tail. Can we get a doggy, Daddy?"_

"_I see its tail. Oh! There are its ears. But I don't think we should get a dog, yet, baby. We can't get one until we have a name and a house for it outside."_

_He laughed at the pinched up "thinking face" of his little girl. "What are you thinking about, baby?"_

"_Rupert. We could name him Rupert, and he can live in my playhouse!"_

"_Well, Rupert will need a home; we'll have to build one. Do you think you can help?"_

"_I hate to be the bad guy, but no dogs. Sorry."_

_Charlie remembered the triumphant look on his wife's face when Bella started to cry. He shook his head and glared at Renee and consoled his daughter by drawing with her for the rest of the afternoon._

The memory assaulted him so thoroughly that he had no defense against the tears running unbidden down his face. Turning the page, he wrote to his daughter. Hoping that she would one day be able to read it, he wrote down everything he had been so scared – or proud – to say before.

Dear Bells, May, 1996

You are the light of my life. I want you to know that. I thought I knew what happiness was before you, but now I see how wrong I was. You are like a bright comet that just shot across my sky and without your light, my world is so dark. I'm flying blind here without you. I can't sleep because I dream about you. I can't eat because I can't see your full plate just sitting there without you. This whole town reminds me of you now, you know. You've erased all of my previous memories with your precious smile and your innocent joy. I will find you, Bella. I will find you and then I'll never let you go, of that you can be sure. Come home to me, Baby Bells, please.

Love

Daddy

**Thank you for all of the reviews - you have made my year with your support! To all the ladies that I write with - M, Katie, Jo, Shel, Ashley *muah* I can't express in words how much I appreciate you. srsly.**


	8. Chapter Seven

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

I am not Stephanie Meyer. I do not own Twilight, or any characters she created. I'm just abusing them.

Chapter Seven

James sat at his desk, again contemplating his future. Knowing that he would be leaving his wife after the inevitable death of his daughter reduced the man to a crying mess. After growing up with the most affectionate and loving parents, he struggled with the idea that his happily ever after was slipping through his fingers while he watched.

Aaron and Athenadora Biers met and fell in love in college. James loved to hear stories about how his parents met and fell in love. He was always in awe of the strength of their relationship, especially after he learned they went to grad schools across the country from one another. Once his dad got his law degree from Harvard, he moved to Phoenix to be closer to "his Dora", and they'd been inseparable ever since.

While she was finishing her MD, he set up his law office. Then after her residency, they opened her psychiatry practice, and they had nothing but success in work, life and love since. As a kid, James never realized one could fail if he had love; of course, as he grew up, it became obvious that his parents worked at their marriage just like they did everything else. Knowing that his marriage had become past the point of it working out, the guilt of letting down his parents added to his already heavy heart.

Though they never made him feel worse about his failing marriage, he knew his situation took its toll on his parents. Riley's multiple long-term hospital stays, combined with family therapy sessions and life in general, kept things in a state of constant motion. Had he not been employed at the family law firm, he might have only seen them when they visited the hospital. It was times like this that reminded him why it was nice to work with family. James sat at his desk, again contemplating his future and trying to dry his tears.

Aro, as his dad preferred to be called, knocked quietly on the door, pulling James from his self-loathing

"Hi, Son."

He felt a warm hand on his shoulder, and looked up into a concerned pair of blue eyes.

"Dad, hi. What are you doing here so late?"

"Charlie called me. He's worried about you. And when he has time to worry about you, I know something is wrong. Were you crying? Are you okay?"

James grimaced.

"Yes, no," he sighed, "not really. I've just…I guess I've been lost in my own problems," he said, looking at his watch. "Jesus, I can't believe it's been two weeks since they had talked at all."

No words described the pain he felt at Charlie's news. Horror at the cruelty of both of their wives, disappointment in his decision for Br…Bella, and despair that, a helpless child, his or not was ripped away from a loving parent.

As an attorney, he knew the problems associated with parental abductions. It only took a second before he got lost in the memories of the frantic phone call from his brother-in-law telling him that Renee had stolen Bella.

Jimmy let the tears fall again, remembering that call.

"Jimmy, I need you to watch for her. Please," Charlie hadn't bothered to hide his sobs. "Please, just let me know if you see her, either of them. I'm so scared for Bella."

"Of course I will, Charlie." Shaking his head, he asked the one question that would confirm all of his fears about Renee.

"I can't believe she would do that. She never really wanted to be a mom, did she?"

"No. That's why I don't understand why she's doing this. Look, I know life is throwing shit at you too, man. Sorry to add to it by dumping this on you too… What doesn't kill us, right?"

With a bitter chuckle he couldn't contain, James responded simply.

"Isn't that the truth? Sometimes I wish it was me dying."

"How is Riley doing? Any good news at all?"

"No, nothing has changed. They are still giving her chemo, but they are low doses just to keep her comfortable. Who would have thought that poison would be comfortable?"

"Not me, man. Give her a hug for me, okay?"

"Of course. Thanks."

"Look, keep in touch, yea? I gotta go; the Seattle people are here to spread the word about Bella."

"Take care, my friend. I'm here if you need me."

Pulling himself back into the moment, he slowly shook his head with realization.

"Shit, I never called him back."

Aro sat down on the small couch, and James surprised both of them by joining his dad and snuggling into his side. They both reveled in the simple show of affection, and it almost made James felt like a lost little boy all over again. As Aro put his arm around his son, he spoke quietly.

"Jimmy, how are you doing, really? I know that you are not the little boy I raised anymore, but I just want to make you seven years old again so I can get rid of your monsters for you."

Chuckling, James pulled out from under his father's arm with a small laugh.

"Wouldn't that be nice? I can handle the stress, but I'm just so tired of having to. I have to admit, though, I didn't think I'd live to see the day when I'd actually be okay with you rescuing me from monsters. It's too bad that this monster happened to be my wife. Don't even get me started on her evil sister."

"Oh, those monsters I can handle. I am a damn good attorney, you know. It's the guilt over Bella's situation that I'm afraid is something you will have to come to terms with on your own."

"Why, Dad, is that some of Mom's psychobabble wearing off on you? Have you been reading her books again?"

"No, I haven't been reading her books…just listening to a wise woman. We love you, and if you need anything, please, don't hesitate to ask. Oh, speaking of help, I've dug up the case law on palimony you asked about."

"Thanks. I don't think I'll go through with the request, as I'll have to deal with her. Even then, do you think I could really have a case, or am I just seeking money because I'm pissed and hurt, Dad? I hate to think that way, but it would be nice to get something for my suffering. Don't you agree?"

"I do agree, Son. Well, you said you wanted an adventure, and I'd have to say you got one with her!"

Feeling better after talking with his dad, James pulled the first draft of his divorce papers and the state law license application from the drawer, reviewed them and then set his plan into motion. Picking up the phone, he called the one person who would understand his situation completely.

After just two rings, he heard the tired voice of his best friend rumble through the phone.

"Hullo?"

"Hey, Charlie."

Because she had gone from living with her parents to living with her husband, both of whom cared for her financially, Renee never learned how to work within a budget. She also never learned how to handle the stress of running low on money, and because of that, she began to worry about her ability to survive on her own when, after two weeks, she was still out of work. It wasn't until her third week of scouring the classifieds while Bella played in the pool that she found the perfect job.

After two days of on-the-job-training, Renee found that working as a part-time cashier in the Capital Regional Hospital gift shop could actually be a blessing in disguise. They provided great benefits, a steady schedule, and even day care. On top of all of that, she was informed that if she ever needed to visit a relative or friend in the hospital, they would work her schedule around visiting hours.

It was this little nugget that stuck in her brain as she put another minimum wage paycheck in her account. It made Renee happy to only have part-time hours, as she was able to do what she wished in her free time. Unfortunately, she couldn't afford to really have fun because of all of the bills that had piled up. Paying bills – only to use whatever leftover money she had to buy groceries – made the stress creep up the small of her back like a fog. Walking down the cereal aisle, Renee made a rash decision. Shooting the innocent box of Cheerios a death glare, she spit two simple words.

"Fuck this."

Leaving her cart right where it was, she grabbed her purse and walked out of the store. She never even looked back at the parking lot, opting instead to walk to the bar at the end of the block. Sitting down at the bar, she felt more carefree than she had in years. Running her fingers through her hair, she was just about to place an order when she heard the stool next to her pull out.

"Is anyone sitting here?"

She heard the man's charming and cocky voice before she looked at his face. Turning around, she made no effort to hide the fact she was checking him out. Starting at his shiny shoes, she noticed how nicely pressed his pants were and how they hugged him in all the right places. By the time she got to the perfectly tied Windsor knot just below his delicious Adam's apple, she had forgotten why she wanted to go the bar in the first place.

He slipped his finger under her chin to pull her face to look into his. He had dark eyes, but instead of the familiar brown, they were almost black and appraised her like those of a hunter. Even with his focused cold eyes, he was handsome with his sharp nose and well-cut jaw line. Renee was pleased that he seemed to enjoy looking at her. She jumped when he finally spoke again.

"My eyes are up here."

"Sorry, I'm Renee. It's nice to meet you…"

"Robert. Robert Walsh. The pleasure is all mine, Renee. May I buy you a drink?"

"That would be wonderful, thank you. Do you mind if I just freshen up quickly?"

"Not that you need it, but please, by all means. Red wine good for you?"

"Perfect." With a hand trailing down his thigh, she sauntered off to the ladies' room.

In the bathroom, Renee looked at her reflection and remembered how it felt to be playing the game of hunter and prey. She loved the chase but reveled in the catching. If only she had a friend here who would watch Bella.

"Oh, shit."

It was only after this first thought about her daughter that she realized Bella was still in the car in the grocery store parking lot. With it being hot out, she knew it would be prudent to put a rush on her date with Robert, but she needed something that didn't have anything to with Bella so badly. Not only that, but now that she was single, she didn't want to miss this chance. With one last dab of lipstick, she returned to the handsome man at the bar, waiting on her.

Taking a sip of the wine sitting at her spot, she turned toward the man again and began to feel him out.

"So, Robert, what brings you to a bar in the afternoon?"

"You, actually. I hope that doesn't come off as improper."

His confession caught Renee off guard. Her intrigue in this handsome stranger allowed her to let down her guard. Worry crept up her spine as she realized he could be looking for her in reference to Bella. Before worry could turn to panic, she put on her best flirtatious smile.

"Me? I guess it depends on how long you've been following me. That is, if you're following me, of course."

It took most of her willpower to keep her hands in her lap after that bubbled out of her mouth. She wasn't often embarrassed by her words or actions, but there was a first for everything, she reasoned.

"Oh! No, nothing like that, sorry. I just spotted you in the parking lot over at the Albertsons', and I decided that you looked like someone I would like to get to know."

Taking a calming breath once she realized he was just a regular guy, she put on her best bedroom eyes.

"Well, I'm flattered. You look like someone I would like to know, too."

Now it appeared to be Robert's turn to blush because Renee watched, enraptured, as the tips of his ears turned bright red, though she feared the effect was ruined by her traitorous blush.

They chatted and flirted over wine and scotch. It was the best afternoon Renee had spent since her honeymoon. Looking at her watch, she realized that they had been talking for over three hours.

"Well, Robert, I hate to cut this evening short, but I have to get my daughter. Do you think we could do this again sometime?"

"I'd like that very much. Should we exchange numbers?"

Pulling out her cell phone, Renee was thrilled with the way her day turned out.

"Absolutely."

"I'm at 385-5…"

"Oh, out of town, remember? What's your area code?"

"Oh! That's right, you did mention that. It's 850-385-5551."

"Great. Call me, okay?"

Jumping off of her stool, she gave Robert a lingering kiss on the cheek and floated back to her car.

It had been a week since Renee met Robert and still nothing. She wasn't used to being blown off by men, and the frustration was becoming harder to dismiss. She blamed Bella, because the girl posed a roadblock to free, constant sex. It never dawned on Renee that she could have had the life she envisioned had she left Bella with Charlie. For Renee, Bella was like the shiny new toy that would draw everyone in and make them want to be her friend. There was never a question that she had to have the toy.

"Momma, I hungry. I want Cheerios!"

Renee couldn't fathom what would cause Bella to be constantly hungry and crabby the way she had been. She had been begging for Cheerios every day since they went to the store. Adding the whining was a seemingly unending thirst and random attacks of tears. After several days of the constant babble, Renee tried tuning out the girl completely. However, the girl's presence coupled with the obvious rejection by Robert led Renee to blindly lash out at the one thing that irritated her most: Bella.

"Bella. Shut up this instant! I will NOT listen to you blubbering like some baby!"

"But, Momma…"

"No buts! Do you remember what happened the last time you acted this way?"

"N…N…No." The little girl's sobs quieted as she tried to remember.

"You needed to go to the hospital."

"I went to da hossipal?" Fear opened Bella's eyes as she remembered all the tests and tubes and scary people in the place called the "hospital."

"Yes. You went to the hospital. You remember, yes?"

"Ye..Yes…"

"Do you want to go back to the hospital?"

"No, Momma."

"Then sit down right now, and be quiet."

Sniffling, the little girl did as she was told. After a few minutes of rubbing her temples, Renee felt calm enough to deal with the girl.

"Now. Are you still hungry for Cheerios, Isabella?"

"No, Momma. I eat anyfing we have."

"Good. We have toast. Are you going to cry about toast, Isabella?"

Renee watched as the little girl tried to control her sobs, but the tears were again beginning to leak down her cheeks as she opened her mouth to speak again.

"No, Momma."

"Good, because that can disappear too."

Renee watched as Bella just hung her head in her lap and cried. While she put the bread in the toaster, she contemplated her conflicting feelings and thoughts. Parts of her felt strong and virile with the power and control she was able to lord over the small girl. Other parts of her lamented her inability to truly be the mother this little girl needed and deserved. However, the last part – and she didn't know how dominant that part may be – wanted to do anything required to feel what she felt in Tupelo again.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

I am not Stephanie Meyer. Obviously, but I am having quite a time with her characters.

And now...onto the story:

Chapter8

Jane Higgins found herself sitting in Charlie Swan's driveway, again. It had been a year since her daughter dropped off the face of the planet and took little Bella with her. She knew her son-in-law tried to keep the blame solely on Renee, but she was well-enough acquainted with Charlie to know it overflowed onto her as well. There was no denying she was partially to blame. Closing her eyes, she let her memories wash over her.

_Jane __was __enamored __with __Alec __Higgins __from __the __moment __she __laid __eyes __on __him.__Their __courtship __was __quick __and, __despite __the __"__rules__"__, __passionate. __When __Alec__a sked __her __to __be __his __bride, __she __refused __to __let __her __fears __rule __her __life. __She __said __yes, __knowing __full __well __that __he __would __expect __children, __and __absolutely __sure __she __did __not __want __anything __to __do __with __them. __Ignoring __the __problem __worked __well __for __her __for __the __first __year __of __their __marriage, __but __when __she __realized __she __was __late, __and __then __had __her __suspicions __confirmed __when __her__ "__monthly__" __didn__'__t __show __at __all, __Jane __bit __the __bullet __and __talked __to __Alec._

"_Darling, __I__'__m __afraid __I__'__ve __been __hiding __something __from __you.__"_

_Alec __looked __up __at __her __from __his __supper and, __seeing __the __distressed __look __on __his __wife__'__s __face, __gestured __for __her __to __continue._

"_We__'__ve __never __talked __about __children, __and __I __know __that __your __family __expects __us __to __have __them, __but __I...my__…__well, __I __don__'__t __know __how __to __be __around __them. __I __don__'__t __like __anything __about __kids, __and __I __don__'__t __think __I__'__m __built __to __be __a __mother.__"_

_Pushing __his __chair __out __of __the __way, __he__ knelt __in __front __of __his __wife __and __pulled __her __hands __away __from __her __face. __Rubbing __her __wrists __with __his __thumbs, __he __offered __her __the __only __consolation __he __could; __the __truth __as __he __saw __it._

"_Oh,__sweetheart. __Why __didn__'__t __you __say __anything __before? __I __could __have __told __you __that __I__'__m __scared, __too. __But __we __have __each __other, __and __you __are __so __full __of __love that __I __know __you__'__ll __be __great. __You __just __have __to __love __them __like __you __love __me __and __you__'__ll __be __a __wonderful __mother. I__'__m __sure __of __it.__" _

_With __his __assurances, __Jane __made __a __noise __of __disbelief before __she __grabbed __him __by __the __neck __and __pulled __him __in __for __a __comforting __hug._

"_What __brought __this __on_, _Janie? __I __hope __you __haven__'__t __been __worrying __this __whole __time!__"_

_Shaking __her __head, __she __wiped __the __tears __from __her __eyes. __It __was __now __or __never. __Looking __in __Alec__'__s __curious __face, __she __spoke __the __words __that __would __change __their __lives __forever._

"_No, I haven't, but I hope you're right, Alec. Because we're going to be parents in about seven months." _

A swift rap at the window jerked Jane out of her memories. Startled and embarrassed, she quickly wiped away the stray tears on her cheeks. She looked up to see a slightly amused Charlie looking back at her.

Jane looked at Charlie with the same wonder she did every time they got together. After giving birth to two daughters she promised to protect from the world, it wasn't until this man in front of her needed protection that she truly felt like a mother. It broke her heart that it was her very own daughter that he needed protection from, and she couldn't help but hurt for Charlie as she truly looked at him. Gone was the mischievous twinkle from his eyes. All healthy weight he gained while married had fallen off of him, and he just looked gaunt and tired. Jane worried that the bags under his eyes would become permanent if he didn't start getting more sleep. She frowned when she saw the tell-tale grey starting to pepper the hair by his temples that wasn't there a year ago.

"Goin' to sit out here and wallow all day, Ma?"

Shaking her head and undoing her seatbelt, Jane laughed at his term of endearment for her.

"You know I hate it when you call me Ma," she chuckled at her own halfhearted chastisement.

"Yeah, I can see how irritated you are right now," he responded with a matching laugh.

Charlie just laughed at her as he pulled her in for a hug that she responded to enthusiastically by throwing her own arms around his slender neck.

"Oh, you're getting better at that PDA. Better be careful, old Mrs. Cope will really get the rumor mill started if you're not careful." Jane had been trying to pull Charlie out of his shell again. He had almost completely stopped giving any signs of affection to those around him, and she was pleased to see he was willing to take this small step forward.

Time had not healed any of the wounds for the two of them, but Jane knew that it was a good sign they could have moments of freedom from the pain and the guilt.

"Yeah, yeah. Let ol' Shelley say what she wants. I can arrest her for…well, for something I'm sure. Come on inside, Jane. I've got the coffee on and some fresh caramel rolls from the diner."

Charlie knew that Jane was a hard woman to have as a mother, but it didn't stop them from growing close after Renee left the way she did. He also understood that many people in his place would have the opposite reaction. With both of his parents buried out in Forks Cemetery, he had no other family. Jane reached out to him after she found out about Billy, and her advice had kept him grounded and sane ever since.

"You like cream in your coffee, right? I can't remember for some reason. And I'm sure none of it is because I'm getting older, so you just keep your mouth shut, woman."

"Some reason, huh? If you say so," she giggled. "Yes, I like just enough cream to color it - takes some of the bitter edge off."

They spent the next twenty minutes in a comfortable silence. The only sounds that could be heard were the clanking of silverware against plates and a quiet sloshing of coffee in cups. For once, it was Charlie who broke the silence with an exaggerated sigh.

"What's going on in that head of yours today, Charlie?"

"I just can't help but think that I...that we did something wrong. You, Alec, me...we're good people. What happened to Renee, or Vicki that would make them so...so cold? What did we do..."

"I think about that every day. The girls were always daddy's girls and they worshiped Alec. He always told me that I was too hard on them, had unrealistic expectations and that they resented my acerbic tongue. I knew that I was critical of their behavior, but I always had trouble keeping my thoughts to myself. I wanted them to be…to be…I don't even know anymore, but I never told them I was proud of them. I only showed them when I disapproved of their actions."

Charlie noticed that Jane didn't look at him once during her speech. Reaching across the table, he grabbed her hand and squeezed, trying to show her that she was loved, in spite of her mistakes.

"Jane," Charlie said trying to get her attention, but she still refused to meet his eyes. Seeing her take all of the blame made his heart break for her.

"Ma, look at me," he stated with the finality that comes with years of working on the force. Her eyes met his hesitantly.

Knowing that trying to console her wouldn't work, Charlie thought about work. He knew that sometimes you have to convince a reluctant witness to admit what they saw by stating that you already knew they had something of value to contribute to an investigation.

"Ma. I've known you for a long time now. You've seen me at my worst, and you've seen me at my best. You may not realize it, but I've seen the same of you. You loved your daughters fiercely. I know you may not admit it, but you still do love your daughters, no matter what they've done. You can't just turn a love like that off. You are learning from your past and are trying to be a better listener when it comes to Vicki."

"I…I do. Love them, I mean. But I hate them so much at the same time. Vicki threw Bella away. I can't even talk to her about Bells because she doesn't know that James had you adopt her. And Renee. Don't even get me started. But how can I still love them after all they've done? Shouldn't I disown them and start over? I just don't know what to do, how to act. "

"You don't have to know. You just have to do what feels right. Does cutting them out of your life feel right?"

Charlie looked into her red-rimmed crystal blue eyes. For all the coldness she tries to portray to the outside world, he could see right through that front and into her heart. Waiting for an answer, he simply raised his brow questioningly.

"No."

With a small shrug of the shoulder, Charlie acknowledged her whispered response. Pushing back from the table, he began to gather the dishes.

"Stay here a minute? I've got something to show you."

Jane sat where she was as Charlie left the room. The conversation and time alone allowed her to replay that fateful Tuesday in her mind when her life as she knew it came to an end.

_Sitting __at __the __piano,__working __on __her __lessons __for __her __new __crop __of __piano __students, __Jane __grumbled __at __the __interruption __of __the __telephone. __Before __she __was __even __able __to __greet __her __son-in-law,__he __started __right __in __on __conversation._

"_Jane, __have __you __talked __to __your __daughter __today?__" _

_She __knew __Charlie __was __vexed __by __Renee __when __he __called __her__ "__your __daughter.__" _

"_Nope. __Not __since __she __called __me __yesterday __bitching __about __the __service __at __the __diner__ last __Friday. Again. __Why?__" _

"_Because __she __told __Marcy __that __she __needed__ '__girl __time__' __with __Bella __and __took __her __out __of __day__care __today.__"_

"_What?__" __Jane __laughed __out __the __idea of 'girl time.'_

"_Oh, __Jesus.__Did __she __say __where __she__ was __doing __this__ '__girl __time__'__?__" __As __her __mother, __Jane __knew __Renee __too __well __to __believe __she __would __do__ '__girl __time__' __outside __of __a __bar __or __a __spa. __Ever._

"_P.A. __We __both __know __she __hates __Port __Angeles __almost __as __much __as __Forks.__" __After years of listening to her daughter bitch about the area, Jane __did __know, __all __too __well __how __much __Renee __hated __Washington._

"_Is __she __hiding __in __town?__Took __Bella __to __get__ you to __realize __how __much __you __needed __her? __Or __just __to __get __you __to __agree __with __whatever __bug __has __crawled __up __her __ass __this __week?"_

_As __she __heard __Charlie __let __out __a __bone-deep __sigh, __Jane __knew __what __was __coming._

"_I __kicked __her __out.__"_

_The __words __hung __in __the __air __for __a __moment __as __Jane __beamed __with __pride._

"'_Bout __damn __time, __Son.__" __With __his __own __parents __gone, __Charlie __had __easily __become __part __of __the __family, __and __the __Higgins __adored __him._

"_Well, __thanks __Ma, __but __now __my __baby__'__s __missing.__" __A __small, __sad __smile __played __at __Jane__'__s __mouth __at __the __endearment._

"_Did __Renee __take __anything __else?__"_

"_All __of __her __clothes, __her __self-portraits, __some __of __Bella__'__s __clothes __and __toys. __It__'__s __what __she __left __that __worries __me __more. __She __left __her __cell, __Jane.__"_

"_Shit.__"_

"_Yeah, __shit __indeed.__"_

"_I __already __called __Jimmy, __knowing __he __would __help __keep __his __eyes __open __for __her __in __Phoenix, __and __I __put __out __an __APB __on __her __car. __You __and __I __both __know __she __only __took __Bella __to __spite __us,__no,__me. __She __has __no __love __for __that __little __girl __and __I__'__m __terrified __what __she__'__ll __do. __I __won__'__t __be __to __blame __for __what __I __do __to __your __daughter __if __she __hurts __mine, __Jane.__"_

In an attempt to appear in the present and not lost in her memories again, Jane attempted the crossword puzzle she knew Charlie always started, but never finished. As soon as she got a couple more answers, she heard Charlie's boots clomping down the stairs. He looked shy as he poked his head around the corner.

"Got caught in the cookie jar again, Kiddo?"

"Ha ha, Ma. No, I've been working on a project of sorts and I just wanted you to see it. I guess I just wanted to share it with someone who would understand."

Watching the uncertainty cloud his eyes, she just nodded and waited for him to make the next move.

Charlie pulled a notebook out from behind his back and tentatively slid it across the table.

"I know this seems silly, but I've been writing to Bella. It's more of a journal, but when I get her back, I want her to know how much I missed her and how hard I worked to find her. So she knows she was never forgotten."

After hearing his description, Jane hesitantly picked up the book and flipped through it. On the inside cover was the doodlings of both her daughter and granddaughter. Unbidden, the memories of the sweet Bella flooded through her. The first two pages were covered in the nonsensical purple drawings that she remembered Bella insisting were of her house. Running her fingers gingerly over the picture, she felt tears forming. Looking up at Charlie, she watched as they ran unhindered down his cheeks. No words were spoken; they were both lost in their memories. He no longer cared to wipe them away in front of her. She continued turning colorful pages until she reached the choppy, scrawled letters of a distraught father. She noticed the first entry was the first night he spent without Bella.

"I think it's perfect, Charlie. When you give this to her, I have no doubt she will cherish it."

**~~**~~LbP~~**~~**

Sorry this chapter took so long to get out. RL has been messy, but at least I got a job! I love all of your comments and reviews and if I missed replying – I am super sorry! Thank you so much to my pre-reader Katiecav and to my WC bitches who keep me in line! You should read their work – it's great! Read: A Life for a Life by mkystich and Behind the Velvet Rope by Mcgt.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

I am not Stephanie Meyer. Obviously, but I am having quite a time with her characters.

I want to thank Katiecav for pre-reading for me and my whole team of awesome betas at PTB! Thanks go to Mcgt, Myksitch and Katie for cheering me on with this. And Books – for giving me the balls to try. Oh – and my readers! You are the best, and you review. It warms my heart that you are reading my words. Thank you.

Chapter Nine

Time moved in odd intervals for Renee. Three years had passed, and her adventurous nature enjoyed living the nomadic lifestyle she had been living. Her actions required constant movement. She ended up spending six months in Tallahassee, with two more hospital visits for Bella. The first visit was another "unexplained apnea" visit and the second occurred when Bella "fell" down a flight of stairs.

Thinking back on that day Renee found herself she was still surprised, as the child was obedient and required no attention. She even behaved for the babysitter while Renee was on her date with Robert. However, when Renee made it clear that she was available for a "grown-up sleepover" at his place, he declined.

To add insult to injury, he didn't call back after that date, either. Clearly, he was upset about something, making Renee take matters into her own hands.

"Hi, Robert, it's Renee. How are you?" She tried to use her best seductress voice and hoped he couldn't hear the slight quiver in her voice.

"I'm fine. What can I do for you, Ms. Swan?"

His curt voice surprised her, but she ignored her fears and continued on.

"Ms. Swan? Oh, no, ,, , , come on. We're past such formalities, aren't we?"

"We were, but I feel they are required now, as I don't think it's a good idea to see each other again."

"Oh? I thought we had a good time together." The conversation took a decidedly different turn than what Renee was anticipating, and she could no longer hide both her surprise and her anger. But before she could say anything, Robert cut through her already fragile ego.

"Yes, well…I'm just…There's no delicate way to say this, I'm afraid. I'm a father and could never just toss my daughter aside the way you do. I'm sorry, but I can't imagine myself with such a thoughtless mother."

"How dare you! I'm not just a mother! Is… I…I can't even…" Rage couldn't even begin to describe her feelings at his words. Stunned into speechlessness, she listened as he began to speak again.

"My point exactly. Good bye, Renee."

Not being a woman who handled rejection and disappointment well, the only choice for Renee was to move. She packed up their meager belongings and headed west. Now that Renee had acquired some knowledge about handling medical staff, she realized that living in places with premiere health care would not be an option for her – the chance of getting caught would be too great. She also wanted to make sure she stayed in medium-sized towns with little to no tourist attractions. The chances of being recognized increased in those cities, especially if Charlie was looking for them.

The first city she hit that looked as though it had potential was Pensacola. After checking in to the Days Inn, she drove around for a while.

Pondering her next move always exhilarated Renee. It gave her that sense of newness and adventure she never would have had in Forks. So, after a year there, they moved on to Gulfport, Mississippi, followed by a year in Hattiesburg. There were a couple of towns after that, but neither lasted six months due to Renee's need for drama. Currently, they had landed in Shreveport. Like in all of the other towns, she found a bartending job; working at the hospital was too much of a temptation for her, even after all these years. Plus, in bars, she reasoned, she could get as much sex as she could handle. Finding a job was easy, especially at dives where they didn't care what your social security number was, or that Smith wasn't your real last name.

Now that Bella was six though, Renee knew that school would become a challenge on two fronts. One, she didn't want the girl to be out of her sight for too long, or to learn that her life was different from other children her age. Secondly, she had to provide legal documents of identification, putting Bella and Renee Swan on the map again. Using the old sports adage of "a good defense is a strong offense," Renee ensured her reputation as the victimized mother in a private meeting with the principal and teachers.

Renee walked into Principal Gardiner's office in Shreveport's Creswell Elementary School. Minimally furnished, the room was painted a happy yellow and was full of children's drawings and toys. For a place to go when you are to be punished, it was a pretty happy place. Sitting in the office already were the principal, a well put-together woman of about fifty, and a young brunette with a large smile on her face. Renee assumed this woman-child was the kndergarten teacher, Miss Razi.

Once everyone was seated and introduced to each other, Ms. Gardiner got down to business.

"Ms. Swan, how can we help you today? My secretary tells me you have some concerns about enrolling your daughter in kindergarten."

"Yes, Principal Gardiner. I've struggled with Bella for a while now. She can't seem to tell the truth – about anything."

"I understand your concerns, but you do realize that story telling is quite common for children her age, though, right?"

Renee paused to give the impression of listening to the principal, adding a sigh before she spoke.

"I wish it was just a simple case of her imagination running away with her. She is suspected of being pathological, and we actually have her working with several professionals to find out if she can be fixed."

Miss Razi gasped at the assessment. Renee realized that people might not understand, but she hadn't expected all-out pity for the child.

"Fixed? Surely, you are mistaken. She's just a child."

Fighting the compulsion to roll her eyes, Renee continued.

"I wish I was. She has been hospitalized in relation to some of her claims already, and I'm afraid we aren't making much progress in therapy."

"I'm shocked. She seems like such a serious, introverted child. Do you think she just needs to make a friend?"

"Ms. Razi - "

"Grace, please."

"Grace, I don't think friends are going to help her. I'm actually worried what she would or could tell them. The only time she tells the truth is in regard to reading; although, I'm inclined to think that would extend to schoolwork. However, I can't be sure."

"That's horrible."

"Yes, well, it explains why my husband left. Bella has many stories about her dad also, but the fact of the matter is that he left in the middle of the night, leaving me with her. I'm sure you can understand why we don't like to talk about him."

"Of course."

"This is so sad; she's so young. In fact, you're both so young."

Renee dipped her head, hearing only the compliment within the pity.

"Thank you, I just wanted to meet with you to explain her situation and also give you a head's up that she often has 'bad days' where she must either stay home or see the doctor. I will be happy to come in and get her homework, but she will miss days. Unfortunately, there is no way around it."

"Well, thank you very much for being upfront with us. I have to admit, I've never heard of a diagnosis of pathology in a child so young, but that's not saying much, I suppose. Just please make sure you stop by with letters from her doctors explaining her situation. We need to add them to her file. It's possible in the future that we will need to create an IEP for her."

Renee felt her face pale and a nervous knot made a home in the pit of her stomach.

"Letters? An IEP?"

"Oh, yes. Sorry. An IEP is an Individualized Education Plan. It's how we integrate students who, in the past, were labeled special education. This way, they can participate in an integrated classroom environment, but we are also able to take care of their particular needs with a specialist. It's actually been a wonderful way for all of our students to flourish."

"Oh. Yes, that sounds...wonderful. I'll bring all the documentation I have with Bella on her first day of school."

"That would be appreciated. Thank you so much for meeting with us today, Ms. Swan."

"Take care of yourself and your daughter. I look forward to working with the both of you."

"Yes, thank you for your time. I'll be in touch."

Renee could feel the eyes of the principal and teacher on her as she left. No one had ever required proof from her before, and the thought scared her. Now she needed to find a doctor who would either agree with her, or be willing to do what she required. Men were easy enough to manipulate, and she never forgot that skill set. With that thought calming her, she got in her car to drive home.

In the last three years, Riley had been in remission for a total of two months. At their last appointment, their new oncologist confirmed their worst fears. Her leukemia had metastasized to her brain.

Riley spoke up at that moment, cutting off her agitated mother.

"Met-metastasized? What does that mean?"

Dr. Fuller looked at James and then the tiny girl in front of him. "It means it's not just in your blood anymore, honey. It's moved into your brain, too. You have cancer in both places."

James watched as Riley absorbed this news but was snapped out of his thoughts by his wife's panicky voice.

"Okay. Her brain. Does that mean surgery? Both chemo and radiation? What do we need to do to beat this?"

Victoria refused to entertain the idea that her eleven-year-old would not see twelve. Therefore, treatment was the only way.

"Mom. Dr. Fuller, I've read up on this."

Taking James' hands in hers, she looked at her dad with such love; he could only nod when she looked at him. Looking back at the people to whom she was speaking, she continued with what she and James had discussed on many occasions when they were alone.

"I don't want to cure this. I know there is no cure. I just want to be comfortable. Palliative care, isn't that what it's called, Doc?"

James watched as his wife processed their daughter's request.

"NO!" Jumping out of her seat, she whirled around to her daughter. "Absolutely not, Riley! You are a survivor; you _cannot_ let this get you down." She began pacing the room as though each step would get her closer to winning the argument.

"We'll get a second opinion; we'll take you wherever the foremost research is being done. You are not going to die, and you will not think that way!" A small, quiet sob bubbled out of Riley's mouth. She just wanted her mother to listen to her – to finally do as she wished; she wanted her mom to let her go.

James watched. He watched as his wife fell apart in front of him. He watched as his young, brave daughter sat stock still, stunned into silence, tears pouring down her face. He had a choice to make, and was unable to bring himself to console either of the women in front of him. By agreeing with Riley's choice, he was hurting his wife, but by disregarding her wishes, she was hurting both of them. Though painful, at this point, hurting his wife was the only option.

"Victoria, enough."

He was so sick of arguing with her. He knew exactly what she was thinking right now, and it was helping no one. In his head, he could hear her voice gaining octaves as her anger rose. She threw insults like: 'You are a sentimental fool,' and 'If you really can't understand where I'm coming from, you can just fuck off,' and his personal favorite, 'I will leave your ass and serve the papers at the cemetery, and if you are really lucky, I might leave your balls intact'.

In between the insults and threats, she would spit accusing questions at him, as though he had no idea how hard this was for her. Nothing he did was enough for her; so he allowed her to take out her anger on him, because it seemed to be the only action she appreciated. He never answered them. How do you answer questions like 'why could he not understand why she gave up that baby?' And 'how could he dare think it could replace Riley?'

Putting his hurt aside, he looked at the mother of his children. Standing between his wife and daughter, he put on his best lawyer face and said his piece.

"This is what Riley wants, Vicki. We knew this day would come; we know the next few months will be hard, but I will support Riley. Chemo? Radiation? They are so hard on her, and we'll get what, Doc?" Looking at Dr. Fuller for an answer, the doctor seemed startled by his sudden re-involvement in the conversation.

"Two to three months. Maybe six."

"Six months of pain, Vicky. She wants to do this on her own terms. She understands what this means."

Looking at Riley, he shuddered out a sob as she mouthed a simple 'thank you.'

Victoria fell into her chair shell-shocked. James watched as emotions flickered across her face. He saw anger, hurt, betrayal, and pain. Riley, who had been clutching his hand with both of hers, removed one and slid it over her mother's clenched fists.

"Mom, please. I want to go home and live until I can't anymore. Please."

No other words were spoken between Victoria and her family that day.

Once they got home, Victoria immediately took two Xanax and went to bed. James noticed that she was doing this more and more, and while he was concerned for her, he refused to buy into her nonsense now. After getting Riley a snack, he wandered into his office to deal with a few final details for his plan for _after. _Picking up the phone, he called Charlie.

"Hullo?"

"Hey, Bro. How are you?"

"I feel better than you sound. How did Riley's appointment go?"

"Not good. It's moved to her brain now. Doctor gives us about five months without treatment, and we've decided to actually do what Riley wants this time. We are going to do palliative care, and I'm going to make sure she enjoys every last minute."

"I'm so sorry, Jim. I can't imagine having to make that kind of decision."

"Yeah, I hear you. Neither of us is in an enviable position, it seems. I was actually calling with a favor."

"Shoot."

"I am thinking about moving up there after this is over. I don't think I can live in Phoenix anymore, and I know I can't live in this house. How is Port Angeles for lawyers?"

"Wow. Um, I'm not sure, because I've been looking at moving down there, actually."

"What? Charlie Swan leave Forks?"

"I know, I know. It's time. Renee hasn't popped up at all on anyone's radar, and maybe it's time to expand my search zone. She always bitched about how lucky Vicki was to get into the sun. I'm just thinking it can't hurt to be somewhere where she might be."

"That actually makes sense."

They continued their chat, solidifying their plans and avoiding Riley as a topic as long as possible. He heard Charlie clear his throat, and James braced himself for the next topic.

"So, what are you going to do now?" Charlie didn't clarify, but his meaning was obvious.

"Well, I'm not sure yet, but I want to spend as much time with her as possible. I think Vicki and I are going to take leaves from work; at least I know I am. I haven't spoken to Vic since we got the news, but…" He let it drop, but knowing his wife as well as he did, she would try to deny the truth until it became impossible to do so.

"Uh, well, if you need anything, you know where I am." James smiled slightly as he pictured his friend scratching the back of his neck in discomfort.

"Thanks, man. Take care of yourself." He hung up the phone and stared at the screen for a moment. He began to mentally list all of the places he could take Riley while she could still enjoy her time.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

I am not Stephanie Meyer. Obviously, but I am having quite a time with her characters.

*flail waves* WELCOME TO ALL MY NEW READERS! I AM SO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU READ MY LITTLE STORY!

And now...onto the story:

Chapter Ten

The late summer sun shone down too brightly on the large crowd that had gathered to bury a small, sick girl who had touched the hearts of so many. The minister stood in front of the grieving congregation and eulogized Riley Biers, who had died in her sleep after fighting leukemia for seven of her eleven years on this planet.

Standing at the podium, James looked down on the small coffin–bright pink per his daughter's request-with tears running down his cheeks. With a final deep breath, he began to read the hardest speech he would ever give.

"I…I once read that 'Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal," He stopped here, taking a deep breath and looking for familiar faces in the crowd. Spotting Charlie, Jane and Alec sitting with his parents helped to ground him. He looked back down to his speech, only to look up again quickly, looking for Victoria. Realizing when he didn't find her that he didn't actually care about it, he started speaking, despair coloring his voice.

"Seven months ago, our Riley made the most important choice she ever would. She asked me and her mother to take her home and live until she couldn't live anymore. We thought our hearts broke that day, with those simple words."

Memories overtook his vision, and he shuffled around nervously. He could stand in front of a jury, dammit, he could do this. Steeling his resolve, he allowed the memories to encourage him to finish.

"We spent every day since then together, doing everything Riley wanted. We camped in the desert, went to Florida and spent a night in Cinderella's castle, even rode an air-boat in the Everglades. We met the Naked Cowboy in Times Square, and took a family picture in front of every baseball park. I wish I could say that I thoroughly enjoyed the vacation, but there was no joy without a black shadow over it, and no smile that reached our eyes."

Unlike his time in front of a courtroom of people where he needed his passion, he made an effort to seal off those memories. He allowed numbness to engulf him. With watery eyes, he looked at his parents one last time before he finished.

"The heartache we are feeling today may fade, but our memories of Riley will live on in our hearts forever. She made me a better person, and I hope that she knows that. So, I stand here today with my friends, family, and all of the people that either touched or were touched by my daughter as we say goodbye one last time. Goodbye, my Riley. May you be safe, happy, and peaceful with the knowledge that you are loved."

After the funeral, James wanted nothing more than to go home, hide in a closet and cry. Instead, he hid those tears and performed the duties of a grieving father at the wake in their house. He listened to condolences for both he and Victoria, but he felt truly alone in the depth of his grief. Entering the kitchen, he found a disheveled Victoria sitting at the island. Through red-rimmed eyes, she broke the silence.

"How are you holding up?"

"As well as could be expected since I've lost my family." He tried to keep the curtness and hurt out of voice, but doubted he succeeded.

She scoffed at his answer. He assumed she felt he was being overly dramatic. _Because she has the corner on dramatics_, he thought snidely.

"Your _family_? What is that supposed to mean?" She narrowed her eyes while waiting for his answer.

"Vicki, I know this has been hard for you, but I don't think you realized what you've become and what you've lost."

With a sneer, she looked into his eyes. "I am perfectly aware of what I've lost. What are you talking about, Jimmy? Get to your point."

No longer surprised by her constant hostility, he continued. "O-kay. I think you know that I haven't agreed with most of your choices or behavior since they diagnosed Riley's cancer." He visibly cringed at the murderous look on her face.

Swallowing, he continued. "But to stand by any longer is not something I have the stomach to do. I want a divorce. You can have the house, your car, all the money except $20,000. It's already been drawn up. I just need some seed money, thus the twenty grand and my car. I'll love you, always, but I'm no longer in love with you. You've become someone I don't want to know."

With a look of pure fury, Victoria lunged at James, flailing her arms and practically snarling. "You're doing this today? The one day you know I'd have no strength against you? You fucking coward!"

Rather than trying to stop her, or even contain her, James simply let her hit at him and waited her out. After several minutes, Victoria's ire finally cooled into despair. Her arms fell to her sides, and her shoulders sagged. Quietly, she began to speak.

"I just couldn't lose her."

"You needed to prepare for the possibility; instead, you pushed us both away." Gently grabbing her by the shoulders, he stood her up straight and looked her in the eyes. "It's time to let go, Vick."

With tears running down her cheeks, James could see her walls finally drop. "I…I don't know if I can."

Pushing her hair behind her ears, his only response was one of pity. "Well, I think a fresh start will be good for you. For both of us."

"Sure, sure," she replied with a soft snort.

Aro walked into the kitchen at that moment to collect his son. He didn't want to rush it, but he knew that the longer James stayed, the harder it would be to leave. But before he could open his mouth, James began to speak again.

"Vicki, please just sign the papers. I have to leave, and I don't want this hanging over our heads."

She disengaged from his grasp, and with a small, timid nod and shaky hands, Victoria gave James his freedom.

Later that afternoon, staring at the temporary marker memorializing his daughter, James knelt down like he used to when talking to her. "I love you, Riley. You are my light. Just know that wherever I may be, you'll be with me in my heart. I promise." With that, he kissed his two fingers and laid them on her name tag.

Moving to Phoenix sounded like a good idea, but Charlie loved Forks. All of his favorite memories lived there, wrapped in a beautiful, rain-soaked green bow. In reality though, he knew he was hiding. Forks was safe, he could go through life like the zombie he had become and no one minded. As in any small town, the entire population felt the loss of little Bella; and hatred toward Renee. While many of the townsfolk expected the child would be returned, Charlie knew he would have to find her. Renee had moved, and would never willing step foot in Forks again, he was sure of it

With that thought in mind, the decision was easy. When James called with the news of Riley's death, Charlie packed up his bags and his hopes and formed a plan. The service was held in the largest church Charlie had ever been in. He didn't even know what denomination it was, nor did he think it mattered. Figuring this show was all Vicki's idea, he just shook his head at its excess. If she needed this to grieve, then so be it. He found James, beside himself in his own grief, hugged him and found a seat with the families.

Though he had only seen Riley a few times, Charlie wept for his friend. Thoughts of his family and his own daughter made the tears fall even harder. After collecting himself, he found James hiding in a corner of the entrance to the church.

"Jim," he started. "There are no words."

Clearing his throat, James sighed. "Thanks, she deserved the best."

Looking around, Charlie couldn't muffle the sound of his slightly hysterical laugh. "By the looks of this place, I'd say she got it."

"One guess, man, one guess." Jimmy shook his head with a slight smirk on his face–he first in several days.

"Vicki?"

"Of course. Fuck, it feels like half of Phoenix is here. So much for not making this a spectacle. Oh, I didn't tell you the best part, though." His voice lightened and a smile graced his face thinking about the story he was about to tell.

Charlie turned his full attention to his friend. "Oh, no…"

"Oh, yes. She called Channel Nine news about doing a special interest piece on us."

Horrified, Charlie waited with bated breath. "When was this?"

"A month or so ago? Riley was still able to walk around a bit," James grimaced.

Rubbing his neck, Charlie could only exclaim, "Jesus."

"Oh, no. The best part was Vicki when they asked her about Renee and Bella."

Charlie's head snapped up from looking at his shoes when he heard their names, but James just continued.

"She freaked out on them, calling Bella a home wrecker and Renee a trashy attention-whore. It was epic." Both men started to laugh at the absurd irony of Vicki's outrage. "Needless to say, they sent us a letter thanking us for sharing our story, but they wouldn't air it out of respect for our privacy," at this point, James used air quotes around 'privacy', making Charlie begin chortling all over again.

Once the laughter died down, James made small confession. "I did request a copy of that shit, though. Makes me laugh every time."

"Oh, I might need a copy of that, too."

Clapping him on the shoulder, Charlie swelled with pride at the strength of his friend. With a smile that reminded him of better times, James simply chuckled and said it was no problem.

After saying goodbye to James and the rest of the family, Charlie found a café and had coffee and a slice of pie. He found an apartment rental guide in the doorway on his way out. With a possibility of a move still on his mind, he grabbed the book and hopped back in the rental car. He had money saved up, since he had done little in the last six years; it would be enough for about six months' worth of bills should he be unemployed that long.

Pulling into the small apartment complex, he felt oddly at home. It had a southwest feel to it, but wasn't hokey. Inquiring at the office, he found they had furnished apartments, and allowed pets. After completing the application, the manager, a kind older lady named Carmen Salazar, assured Charlie she would review and get back to him as soon as she could.

He stayed in town for a couple more days, and then headed back to Forks. On the drive back from Sea-Tac, Carmen called to inform him he had been approved. He thanked her and informed her he would need to wait until (next month) to move in. She understood, and he thanked her for time and for the apartment. Ending that call, he quickly dialed the one person who wouldn't be happy about the news.

Calling his mother-in-law was not normally a nerve-wracking experience but telling her that he, too, was leaving left a heavy guilt in his belly. Jane, as always, was supportive and blunt. She ended the call with words that Charlie would carry with him into this new life.

"Charlie, I've lost two grandbabies. If you need to leave to find one, do it. I love you and you will always have a home here. But if Bella's not in Forks, you shouldn't be either. Besides, I've got Jimmy in PA if I need anything. It's not like he's not here every week for food anyway." They both laughed at Jimmy's quick transition into bachelorhood.

With Jane's blessing, Charlie put her in charge of renting out his house, packed up all of his personal belongings and set out to live a new life in Phoenix.

Shreveport was good for Renee. There, she found work at a bar. She enjoyed everything about the job. Her time was now filled with ogling men and erotic wishes fulfilled. With no one around depending on her for anything but pleasure, she felt more like herself at work than anywhere else. Between her late night hours and Bella's absence during the day, there were fewer incidents where the panic took over Renee. It wasn't until Thanksgiving break, when Bella had the week off of school, that Renee felt the familiar pangs up her spine.

The non-stop time together made Renee edgy. In an attempt to calm herself down, she ran through her memories of the past trips to the hospital the two had shared. The first trip, after the suffocation, always brought back the most vivid memories. Being in the south gave her ample opportunities that she was able to take advantage of without having to abuse the child outright. She thought back to the second degree sunburn in Gulfport and the heat exhaustion the child had after spending a day in a locked car. The majority of the time Renee didn't care how the child became ill or injured, as long as there were concerned health care workers close.

Because she had not been to the hospital in almost six months, Renee felt her hands itch with the need for a more active role today. After spending the day running errands, Renee was already at the end of her short rope. Because the child was too big to carry and she refused to be pushed around in a stroller, it didn't take long for Renee to snap. Renee grabbed Bella from behind and threw her down the stairs of their apartment complex; causing Bella to break a window on the way down.

Though unsure if it was the active role she took or just the length of time between "fixes," Renee's whole body lit up when she heard the child hit the ground. Her mouth opened into a face-splitting grin, and it took her almost five minutes to school her features enough to call an ambulance.

"_911. What's your emergency_?" The operator's calm voice helped to bring Renee back down to Earth for a moment, but the smile never completely left her face.

"My six-year-old daughter just fell down the stairs. She's bleeding and non-responsive."

If the operator was put off by her emotionless, factual presentation, she never mentioned it.

"_Okay, can you please provide me with your address so I can dispatch the ambulance?_"

After providing her with all the details and assuring the operator, a woman named Carol that she did not need to remain on the phone, Renee hung up and waited.

She heard the sirens not five minutes later, and the electricity coursing through her blood stream only zinged harder as the anticipation filled her with euphoria. However, when they got there, they paid little attention to Renee. In fact, they said very little that she understood, as they were practically whispering. In a matter of mere seconds it seemed, they had Bella loaded up and were shoving a dazed Renee into the ambulance.

Upon arrival to the hospital, things took a turn Renee wasn't expecting. She was pushed to the side and was forced to listen to the shouts from outside of the curtain.

"_We need a portable X-ray! STAT! Oh-two sats have dropped to eighty-nine percent, Doctor."_

"_Get those clothes off of her; I need to examine her chest and legs!"_

"_She's lost a lot of blood, call the lab for two bags of O neg, now!"_

The voices coming from behind the curtain frightened Renee–they all seemed to be talking over each other. It wasn't supposed to be an emergency; Bella was just supposed to be bruised. She would get up and walk away, just like that woman on the TV. It was just a couple of steps. Though she had wanted to harm her, Renee never intended to kill Bella. That wouldn't do, how could she cope if the girl was dead?

A tall man in scrubs popped out from behind the curtain and started right in with questions.

"Ma'am, I need you to tell me what happened to your daughter."

"She tripped. Down the steps. It was just the one flight, why is she…she's not going to die, is she?"

He gave her a hard look-a look that scared Renee-before he rushed back to the chaos behind the curtain. Renee sat stunned as the world spun around her. Sitting there, with no one paying attention to her caused her buzz from her success to fade and anxiety to creep in again. Though nurses and the doctor came in and provided updates, no one comforted Renee. The small, rational part of her brain was trying to tell her that this was too much–too much pain, too much abuse. The stronger part of her brain was so full of hate for the little girl that Renee's vision started to blur. Just as she was about to barge into the surgery wing, the doctor emerged.

"Miss Smith?" The startled young doctor almost stuttered under Renee's intimidating rage.

Pulling the mask of calm over her face, she looked into his brown eyes and nodded. She didn't trust her voice to keep her secrets at that moment.

"Well, let's go into this room and talk," the doctor pointed to a small private lounge tucked into the corner.

"Just spit it out. What in God's name is taking so damn long? When can I see my daughter?" Renee bit out each word as her rage was becoming uncontrollable.

Clearing his throat, he seemed almost timid. "My name is Dr. Cameron and I operated on Bella. That's what took so long. She had multiple lacerations–cuts–on her arms and head and they needed to be inspected for debris, cleaned out and sutured. She also suffered a broken rib that in turn, punctured her lung."

This drained not only the ire out of Renee, but also the euphoria. She didn't enjoy listening to what happened to Bella-it was about the comfort. She started to panic, as this doctor was not at all comforting. Taking several cleansing breaths, she refocused on the man in front of her.

"…those internal injuries also caused her to lose a large amount of blood and we had to transfuse two pints during the operation. She's in a medically induced coma to allow her brain swelling to decrease."

Because Renee had not anticipated such damage, the tears she cried were authentic, surprising even herself. It appeared that these tears were what the doctor was waiting for. He moved to the couch she was sitting on and scooped her into his side. A nurse appeared, providing them with a bottle of water and a box of Kleenex. Renee heard the two talking in hushed tones but didn't concern herself with it.

The staff had put Bella in a private room, allowing Renee to sleep on a cot they provided. Once the shock of the damage done had worn off, Renee allowed herself to feel the panic slide away. As she settled in to the concern of the nurses and doctors, the haze of peace began to settle and take over again.

While such a large escalation of her plans wasn't expected, the extra attention and care she received was exhilarating; it was almost impossible for her to feel so good without the drugs these days. She soaked up every kind word and gesture, hoping they could provide the incentive she needed to keep her thinking of ways to get into this kind of situation.

It was that visit that was the turning point for Renee. It was as though the predator in her took over and she let all of her concerns fade away. Before that day, she had felt nothing but bitterness at the games people played. However, now that she had a pawn of her own, she not only understood the temptation, but she took full advantage. With the buzz of the high, and the peace of her new revelation, Renee slumbered easily as her daughter clung to life next to her.

**A/N: **THANK YOU TO ALL OF MY READERS! I'm so sorry that this update has taken me some time, RL has thrown me quite a few curveballs lately. I have the next few chapters outlined and I plan on getting them written as soon as possible.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

I am not Stephanie Meyer. Obviously, but I am having quite a time with her characters.

And now...onto the story:

Chapter Eleven

After one exhausting week keeping vigil in the hospital, and one re-energizing roll in the hay with her boss to keep how her job, Renee's mind was in overdrive. It seemed that everywhere she got ideas how to ensure she and Bella would see the inside of a hospital again. She heard that tiny voice inside of her head admonishing her, calling it abuse, but the monster inside Renee could not be stopped.

It was easy to pretend Bella wasn't around when she brought home men from the bar. It was easy to throw her to the wolves at school, but it was _fun_ to make up reasons to tell about Bella why Charlie didn't want her and why _he_ left _them_.

When she was younger, Bella would ask about her father. Most of the time, Renee would simply twist the truth. In her version, she was the doting wife and mother, and Charlie left her heartbroken and alone with a child. Other times she would create a mistress, or insinuate abuse. It didn't matter what tales she told; she needed Bella to hate her father and to guarantee that Bella would never seek him out.

The topic of Charlie didn't come up often, but Renee used it as a way to gain a little "boost." She used every father-daughter activity as a chance to ensure everyone knew that there was no father in their picture.

After a two day drive, James arrived at Charlie's house in Forks. He crashed in the guest bedroom and slept all day and night. Saturday morning, he found himself enjoying the scenery on the drive through Forks. He knew from Charlie's monotonous schedule that he would be at the diner and he was hoping to ambush his brother-in-law.

Pulling into the parking lot, he was surprised to see that his BMW was not the only luxury car in the lot. As he walked into the diner, had dissipated the delicious scent of fresh bread and bacon overwhelmed him. Spotting his target in the corner booth, he was not surprised to see Charlie having breakfast with company, but the blonde sitting across from him seemed oddly familiar. Waving off the thought, he casually strode on over to the booth. With a slightly shy wave, he caught his brother-in-law's eyes.

"Jimmy? Holy shit! How are you, man? I thought you'd never wake up."

Just as he was about to respond, however, he came face to face with the last man he thought he would ever run into in Northern Washington.

"Dr...Cullen?" He stuttered over his words in an unusual display of shakiness.

Two pairs of blue eyes stared at each other for what seemed like eternity.

"Mr. Biers. I sure never thought I'd see you again." He couldn't help but hear the strain in the doctor's voice. Nonetheless, he raised his hand, motioning to shake with James.

"I'm moving in with Charlie for a while. I needed to start over after Riley passed."

"I'm sorry to hear about your daughter; she was a real fighter. How is your wife?"

"I appreciate that, and she's my ex-wife now, thankfully. I don't know, nor do I care how she's handling anything."

"Ah, well I can't say I'm surprised. It seemed like you wanted different things." James watched as a knowing look crossed Carlisle's face and he had to admit that he was surprised that some of the anger he once felt for the doctor that once knew him well had dissipated.

"You could say that again. Mind if I join you for breakfast?"

Charlie assumed he would need to introduce his two best friends to each other. However, watching these two converse, it was obvious they had a history as a heavy tension settled into the air. He never realized that his past and present were actually connected so intricately. Though resolving disputes was a constant on the job, Charlie realized that this was something he didn't need to involve himself in, so he left it alone.

After the most uncomfortable breakfast in the history of mankind, Charlie and James headed back to Charlie's house to spend the afternoon catching up.

"Well, that didn't go very well, did it?"

"Nope, not so much. Jimmy, what the hell was that all about?"

"He was Riley's oncologist. He dropped us after Br–Bella was born. He couldn't stand to look at us after Victoria made the decision to get rid of her."

Charlie opened his mouth and closed it again. "Can you blame him for that?"

James sighed and looked at his hands. "I know that I don't blame him now but I'm not sure I did then either."

Looking at Charlie, he thought for a second. "I think more than anything, his presence just threw me for a loop." Shrugging, he asked "I mean, what are the odds he would end up here?"

Charlie looked at James thoughtfully.

"Pretty good I would say. Though, it's not really my story to tell. I will say that he had a parent of a patient who bitched a lot about her humble upbringings."

Chuckling, he finished his observation. "It had the opposite of the desired effect though, and instead made him want to seek out that kind of environment. Even then I remember laughing, thinking it sounded a lot like Vicki."

James laughed and slapped himself on the forehead. "Jesus, I think it must _have _been Vicki. It seems like it was all she did was bitch; especially about Forks. I remember she even said something once to the effect of 'why are we at this nice hospital in Phoenix, when those losers at Forks General could do this much for her?'"

Sobering, James continued. "Apparently, Dr. Cullen was listening much more closely than I ever imagined."

Nodding his head, Charlie agreed. "I can't say I'm surprised. He could be a great cop with his skills to hear not only what is, but also what isn't said."

Clearing his throat, Charlie wanted to change the subject and talk to James about his own life-altering changes, but chickened out at the last second.

"So, how was the drive?"

"Long. Tiring. I stayed one night in San Fran, but I just wanted to get here, so I made the drive in just two days. I could have driven straight through, but that California traffic is just so draining."

Chuckling, Charlie couldn't help but remember better days.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. When Renee and I went there, she was always so anxious to get out and explore the night we got into a town, but I could barely see straight, I was so tired."

Charlie chortled humorlessly thinking about his now ex-wife. The divorce hadn't been easy per say. Because Renee was considered a missing person, he had quite a few more hoops to jump through. Lucky for him, the townspeople of Forks had pretty much always hated Renee and were more than happy to help him out of his marriage. With the official announcement of Renee's departure – to parts unknown – from the Seattle Times and a few hundred dollars, the state of Washington declared Charlie to be a divorcee.

He noticed James watching him as he shook himself out of his memories.

"I guess I have the luxury of driving into the sunny heat, as opposed to moving to this rain forest."

"Ha. Ha," James responded sarcastically.

"It's been a nice change, although I have to admit I have been asleep more than awake so far," he smiled before cracking up.

Spending the week with James was just what Charlie needed to get his head in the game again. Moving to Phoenix was going to help him focus his skills and find his little girl. The thought of reunion never left his head and often starred in his dreams at night. Putting the final box in the back of his pickup truck, Charlie looked at his house one more time. With a sigh, he closed the tailgate and turned toward James.

"This is it, huh?"

Charlie noticed that James' solemnness was in stark opposition to the giddiness he had been feeling since he came to Forks, but tried not to bring it up. After all, he was just as bummed to be leaving his friend already.

"Yup. Okay, Charlie. You got everything you need?"

Scratching his chin in mock contemplation, he nodded as he spoke. "Let's see. TV, cell phone, Bella's letters, a couple of cases of Vitamin R, and my Sports Illustrated. Yup, I'm perfect."

With a chuckle, the two men man-hugged complete with back slaps and exchanged promises to keep in touch. Unlike most promises of this kind, though, this was one that would be kept on a weekly basis.

With a last glance out of the open window in the truck, Charlie asked the most important favor he could ever ask.

"Jimmy, you'll check in with Jane and Alec, right? I know that might seem awkward, but Jane loves you and I need to know they are taking care of themselves."

"Sure, I've already set up a lunch with her for later this week, so it won't be a problem."

Charlie watched his friend work at hiding his trademark smirk. _Bastard_, he thought. _He knew exactly what I was thinking. _

With one last chuckle, Charlie waved goodbye to his best friend and his life in Forks.

His daughter, however, was now in a hospital room in the city of College Station, feeling as hopeless as she did every day. As many times Bella had been in hospitals for the things her mother had done, this time stood out from the rest. She sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair provided in her room and stared out the window. The view was just of the back of a wing of the hospital, but there was sunlight. The sun reminded Bella that there was a reality outside of her own where mothers didn't hurt their kids. It held loving families, fathers that didn't run away, and people who believed in her. It felt foreign to Bella to have someone listen to her concerns without judgment. Even more surprisingly to her, it was a teacher that finally broke her code of silence.

She knew that her IEP and "documented" troubles would follow her wherever she went, and history had only proven that no teacher had the energy or drive to see past Renee's stories and see Bella for who she truly was; a sad and tired girl. She still flushed red when remembering her mother's reaction to the request from her English teacher Mr. King.

"_Ms. Smith, I'm writing this email to ask permission to have Bella assist me with a special project for the school carnival. I was put in charge of the freshman booth, and Bella offered to help me set up the games, prizes, etc. She has such a vast knowledge of books already, so I think she's the perfect person for what I have planned." Renee looked at Bella as she said those words, but Bella couldn't understand the look on her mother's face. Her eyes looked slightly far off, as if she was seeing something that wasn't really there._

"_This will only be for the next two weeks, beginning immediately after school and lasting every day until five pm. I hope this is a suitable arrangement for you, as I do look forward to getting Bella's help."_

_Bella watched her mother mull over Mr. King's words, holding her breath. She did really want to help, but she also longed for an excuse to be away from Renee. Without friends or after-school activities, there was only so much she could do to avoid being in her mom's presence. After what felt like forever, Renee turned again to Bella._

"_Men," She huffed. "This Mr. King seems to be quite taken with you. Have you had sex with him yet?"_

_Bella's jaw hit the ground. She knew little of sex - only what she read in some of her books, and she heard from Renee's bedroom at night – the idea held little appeal to the fourteen year old. _

"_Mom!" The word whooshed out her mouth with the last of the air in her lungs. _

"_That's…what…no. Gosh, no. That's gross! He's my teacher!"_

"_Teacher? Like that means anything." Renee scoffed back at her. There was something else in her eyes when she said this, but Bella couldn't place that, either. The only real obvious expressions Bella could make out were more like flashes of anger and euphoria. Renee controlled her face like she did Bella; with an iron fist._

"_You can do this under two conditions. You go anywhere else, and you'll be in the hospital faster than you can make up an excuse. "_

_Bella gulped, she hadn't even thought of running away, but now that the seed had accidentally been planted, she tucked the idea away for the future._

"_And the second condition?" _

"_You talk and you will pay."_

It had been the same threat for years now. Bella hadn't ever said one word about why she was sick so often or how one girl could be the victim in so many "freak" accidents. She certainly didn't plan on talking about it. She was fourteen! Who would believe her anyway?

It was obvious now to Bella that Renee was not one to make idle threats. With doctors and nurses coming in and out of her room, looking at her with pity mixed with hate, her heart ached to be in the sun, to be free of the weight of her truth.

For Bella, sharing the burden with someone else actually made it that much heavier. Mr. King was smart, and not just about language arts, it turns out. He engaged Bella in conversation over those two weeks, persistent in his desire to get her out of her shell. Though successful, the joy of the truth was short-lived. To forget her surroundings, Bella lost herself in the memories of her time with Mr. King.

_"Bella?"_

_She always startled when anyone said her name - the instinct developed many years ago._

"_Yes, Mr. King?"_

_Liking her teacher was one thing, but feeling safe never came easy for her. It was as though her brain forgot the feeling of safety. So, though she tried to hide the tremor in her voice, she knew he heard it anyway._

_"I understand being shy in a classroom full of people, but it's just us. There is nothing to fear here, you know." His warm smile, meant to help her relax, only made her tense further. Letting out a sigh, she tried to find the right words._

_"It's not that I'm shy. Not really." She paused, crinkling her forehead in thought. "I just…it's easier to just not say anything than to worry about saying the wrong thing."_

_Panic raced up the back of her neck as she watched Mr. King's eyebrows shoot up to his blond hairline. In her thoughts, she immediately assumed that she had messed up…again. Looking at her hands to hide the shame of another mistake, she gasped in surprise when she saw Mr. King's blue eyes in her eye line._

_"Whatever that look was, I promise you – you did nothing wrong. That sounded like the truth to me. I'm sure your mom taught you speak the truth, right?"_

_Biting the inside of her cheek to stop her laugh, she simply shrugged instead of responding.  
>"Just remember that you can't get in trouble for telling the truth, especially in school." With that, he sat up and placed his warm hand on her small shoulder. "If you're in trouble, I will do my best to help."<em>

With tears now running down her cheeks, she shook her head to get rid of the image of his kind face. She wanted to believe him and to trust that he could keep her safe. The echo of Renee's words kept her hopes in check and her mouth silent that day.

_Afternoons with Mr. King passed much the same way. He would try to crack Bella's shell and get her to share what was bothering her. She would spend the time convincing herself that there was nothing to tell._

For once, the microscope was focused on Renee, and she did not care for the feeling. It was exhilarating to watch Bella be subjected to the tests, but only in so much that she was able to milk the sympathy card. However, with the doctor looking at her, she felt something akin to a puzzle piece slide into place. Though the doctor doesn't know her real name, or her real history, he seems to have her pinned down otherwise. "

Ms. Smith, it says here that you have moved several times in the last twelve years. Can you tell me why that is?" Dr. Headshrinker looked at her over the rim of his reading glasses, making him look much older than his displayed degrees indicated.

"Look, what do you want me to say? I'm some degenerate who shouldn't be a mother? We move. It's fun. There's nothing wrong with some spice in life." At her potential word-vomit, Renee felt emotions that she needed a moment to process. When she was able to put her finger on the words, her eyes quickly widened as she realized she felt shame. She quickly regained a normal expression in an attempt to keep herself as closed off as possible. "You're doing a bang-up job so far, idiot," her internal voice scolded.

"I don't believe I implied those things. I'm sorry if you thought that was what I was going for. I actually wanted to hear the "why" of the situation, since I know the "what," as it were." Dr. Headshrinker seemed to have a kind face, but Renee was not so convinced of his smooth answers. She knew exactly the type of person who had an answer for everything; after all, she always had an answer.

"Hmph. Yes, well. The "what" is that my daughter decided to tell a teacher that I abused her. Are you telling me that the "moving several times" caused her to be a liar?"

With a sigh of exasperation, Renee watched as the doctor took off his glasses and looked at her fully in the eye. "Renee, may I call you that?" With one good bitch-brow in his direction, he started again. "Ms. Smith. I understand that these accusations are serious, but I am not an enemy. I have simply been assigned by the court to assess the situation. Please stop. Attacking me is not the answer. And frankly, your attitude is getting old. Now, with that in mind, will you please answer my questions?" Feeling six years old again, Renee minutely nodded her head.

"Thank you. Now, you are correct. You and your daughter are both here for seventy-two hours as we assess the situation. Bella did accuse you of abuse, but not in the way you are thinking. She simply stated that was afraid of getting comfortable in a place, because you would just up and move her again anyway." Renee looked up at him with a look of confusion plastered on her face as she realized that she was going to have to tread very carefully for the next three days.

THANK YOU to all of my readers and reviewers! I know I haven't gotten to all of you yet, and for that I apologize. I have read them and each and every one has made me hug my laptop and smile!

7


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

I am not Stephanie Meyer. Obviously, but I am having quite a time with her characters. I don't know who nominated me for the Emerging Swan Award, but I bow to you. I am truly humbled. I'm sorry this took so long to get out – but I do have the next couple of chapters almost done, so updates shouldn't be so spread out anymore. Thank you for reading!

And now...onto the story:

Chapter Twelve

Renee found herself in a tricky situation that required her to tread lightly. Too bad that was never a strong suit for Renee, and being under the microscope by psychologists and social workers put her on edge. It seemed as though Bella finally grew some balls and talked to someone. Renee nearly laughed when she learned what Bella said. She had never had any friends or what she would call a home. Renee rarely wondered what went through the girl's head, but she can admit that loneliness was not something that crossed her mind.

_Thank fuck_, Renee thought with a laugh. Though not extremely worried about the actual assessment, she did have to watch what she said to that sneaky little headshrinker. She downplayed the moves as a dash of wanderlust, a craving for adventure and a chance to introduce Bella to different cultures. She hoped that throwing that little nugget in would help her look like a concerned mom. Instead, the doctor implored that a healthy childhood needs constancy. Renee let all of the "advice" go in one ear and out the other. Feeling like she passed up her chance to do things the "right" way, she did them her own way – besides, rules just weren't really her thing.

So, rather than wallow in Bella's attempt to thwart her plans, Renee looked at this time as a three day vacation from caring that the girl ate, washed up, or breathed in and out. She enjoyed planning new scenarios in which she could get sympathy without accusations, and used her time to do just that. She knew that the excuse of her daughter being clumsy really wouldn't work anymore. Bella was getting too old for such accidents, and Renee had run out of good excuses for those injuries. She needed something that would get true pity and care out of the staff. Being the parent of a klutz just didn't really cut it, not since Bella hit her teens. Nothing came to her before they were both released with warnings of future visits to ensure Renee was following their recommendations.

With zero intent on staying anywhere near Brazos County Social Services, Renee calmly escorted a subdued Bella out of the hospital. As soon as she got to the car, she felt the thrill of adrenaline rush through her veins. Another move, a new town and unsuspecting medical practitioners always gave Renee an – almost - unmatchable buzz.

"I had no idea you disliked moving so much, girl. I'll keep that in mind for the future." She couldn't help the evil smile and matching glint in her eye when she spoke. It made the whole process worth it to watch Bella's pale face turn nearly translucent.

With a slight harrumph, Renee started the car.

"You do know that we are moving this afternoon, right?"

Bella sighed and looked out of the window. "I figured."

"We will be talking about this, little girl. But right now, we are going back to the apartment to pack, and if I hear one peep out of you, not even you could imagine what I will do."

She heard Bella swallow audibly, and with a triumphant grin, she peeled out of the parking lot.

Packing up and loading the car had become a well-practiced routine for Renee and  
>Bella, and in just under two hours, the car was flying down the freeway headed west.<p>

Because she was unable to come up with a solution to the problem of Bella's age, Renee used the time in the car to brainstorm ideas. Somewhere in New Mexico, just as she was about to give up on having any good ideas that day, she remembered a question the doctor had asked her.

"_I assume you have been dating. Do you feel safe in the relationships you have?" _

Thinking about her answer and her reaction, she replayed the rest of that conversation.

_Laughing at the absurd question, this was one subject she couldn't wait to talk about. Waving her hands up and down, she looked the doctor right in the eyes. "Are you talking about sex? Of course I have sex. I have a very healthy sex life." Emphasizing the healthy, her grin went from coy to wicked and she watched the young man swallow. She knew the power she had over men and relished in it. _

"_Bella and I have had the 'talk' - she made air quotes as she spoke - "she understands that I have needs, and when I tell her to put them on, she has noise cancelling headphones, so we don't have to worry about her overhearing."_

_Clearing his throat, the doctor continued with his questions. "So, you explain sex is natural, and then continue to hide it from her? I assume sex is the one place where you feel like you have control in your life. Is making her aware you are having sex and then keeping her in the apartment also part of that control?"_

_Instead of answering that, she simply crossed her arms and harrumphed at the doctor._

Of course she felt safe in her relationships; she picked timid men who were easily manipulated. She always used that to her advantage in matters of money and sex. Renee knew the answer to her current dilemma was in that session, but she couldn't put her finger on it. As she drove, her brain could only spit out questions with no answers. There didn't seem to be anything of value in the doctor's observations, yet…

Renee almost took the car into the ditch as the answer seemed to smack her in the face. _What if she took that control one step further?_ She pondered the idea for most of the drive, and as a plan formed she began to shake with anticipation. To implement her new idea, she would need a larger pool of vulnerable men. Men who would have little trouble helping her put her new plan into action. Since she was tired of living in small towns anyway, and Albuquerque held little interest to her. She decided to take a chance and move to Phoenix.

Having ties there meant that Phoenix could be a dangerous place for her, though. Because she was so focused on her new life, she never thought to research those she left behind. Renee had no idea how to use computers to discover that James left her sister after the death of their daughter. There was no way for her to know that Charlie had moved to Phoenix in an attempt to have the resources to find them.

Her biggest concern was that Victoria had no idea Bella was really hers. While Renee doubted Victoria would care about the abuse, she was concerned about Victoria's reaction to Bella being her birth daughter. James had assured her that Victoria would never learn the truth unless someone actually told her. Renee crossed her fingers that everyone kept their mouths shut. It was the least they could do for the hell they put her through during her time in Forks. Of course, having Bella with her had helped ease the sting of her memories of that time. There might not have been any love for Bella, but that didn't mean she was willing to lose the girl.

Working out the bigger details of her newly hatched plan in her head made the drive to Arizona pass quickly for Renee. She relished the quiet time that she knew Bella would provide. The girl was quiet and submissive but not dumb. Renee knew Bella's mind must have been in overdrive, but she was not in the mood to answer any questions until the next move had been decided.

In the past, Renee had used different last names to protect herself from suspicion. Because she had been gone so long, she had no idea how the lives of James, Victoria and Charlie had changed. But their possible presence was enough to send her protective instincts into overdrive.

As they crossed the Arizona border, Renee decided it was time to include Bella in the new plan.

"I need you to listen to me."

Without waiting for proof she had gotten the girl's attention, she continued.

"Now, your name while we are here is Marie Hunter. My name is Carlie Hunter. We're staying in a hotel tonight until I've got a place lined up here in Phoenix so no one will find us. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am. I am Marie Hunter, I understand."

Renee nodded curtly, turning back to face the road. Tapping her fingers to the beat of the song on the radio, she bloomed with hope for the new plans' success.

Hearing her mother change their last name again gave Bella little pause. However, when Renee changed their first names, it immediately caused suspicion that there was something different about Phoenix. Against Bella's will, hope flickered in her stomach. If Renee had a weakness, Phoenix just might help Bella discover it and find her way out.

Her fingers itched to write all the reasons why she stayed with Renee and why she should leave. They craved the chance to purge the motives causing her to continue to protect her abuser and the justifications for her jaded and completely broken trust of everyone, including herself. But there was no way she felt comfortable letting Renee know about her journal. The psychologist suggested it during the assessment. It was obvious to him that she had no one to talk to about her anxieties, and that she needed an outlet. Though apprehensive at first, Bella found that she could now barely leave the house without that journal.

After her mother went back to ignoring her, a frustrated scowl marred Bella's features as she once again turned her head to the car window. Thinking about the events of the past week, Bella closed her eyes as the memories rushed through her mind on fast-forward.

_Telling Mr. King she was lonely because she can't have any friends. Wishing they could stop moving so she could get comfortable in one place._

_Social Services visiting the apartment._

_Meetings with doctors, therapists, police officers._

_Lying to protect herself. Lying to protect Renee._

_Meeting Alice Brandon._

College Station had been both a disaster and a blessing. For the first time in years, if ever, she was able to say she had a friend. Though she suspected that meeting a friend in a psych ward at your local hospital may not be the best place to start a relationship.

And yet, she did make a friend. In an attempt to escape the suffocating reality of her room, she set out for an escape. As she flipped through the channels in the common room, Bella jumped when she felt the cushions next to her sink.

"Hi. I'm Alice. You're Isabella, right?"

Dumbfounded, Bella stared at the girl sitting right next to her. Even sitting, it was obvious that this Alice was extremely short. Though she looked young, Bella could see the weariness of a hard life in Alice's strange gray eyes.

"Um…Bella. Yeah. Hi." Her voice wavered but she managed a small, unsure smile.

"So." Alice slapped her hands on her thighs. "Whatcha doing?" Bella quietly chucked at the sing-song quality to the question.

"Wishing for some Criminal Minds," Bella replied with another small laugh.

"Oh, I loooove me some Dr. Reid!" Alice squealed, causing both girls to giggle.

"Right? Although considering our current situation, maybe it isn't the best show to watch."

That comment sobered the girls and made them both turn their heads back to the television.

"So, um. How did you know my name?" Bella bit her lip as she realized she spoke her question aloud.

"Oh! You must think I'm a stalker or something. I…" she started, and then shook her head slightly before starting again.

"I've been here awhile and let's just say even crazies like to gossip. You're new meaning you're big news." Alice shrugged and looked down at her hands. "I just wanted to be your friend. You seem so normal. It's…it's refreshing, I guess."

Shaking her head, Bella let out a breath.

"I've never really had a friend. Renee doesn't like me to socialize with other kids."

"Wow. Renee's your mom?" Alice couldn't hide the concern in her voice.

"Yeah." Clearing her throat, she changed the subject. "So, what brings you here?" Bella wasn't sure about psych ward etiquette, but she hadn't needed to worry when Alice acted both unsurprised and eager to chat herself.

The two girls spent the rest of the night talking, giggling, and being girls. By the next morning's session with the doctor, Alice and Bella were fast friends. The remaining days of Bella's stay consisted of talking. She had never talked so much in her life. But while she lied to everyone else, she began to feel safe enough to tell Alice the whole terrible truth.

She felt badly about dropping the truth bomb on Alice and leaving, but though seventy-two hours did feel like forever, they finally ended. When they said their goodbyes, hugs and email addresses were exchanged with promises to write every day.

Now that they were headed to Phoenix, Bella knew that the first thing she needed to do was find a library. The prospect of having a friend to email with brought her immense joy. Having the privacy of a library would also help her with hiding from Renee, as it was the only place she was allowed unsupervised.

In those few quiet moments, when it was just Bella and her journal, she found peace. The specter of fear no longer would linger over her shoulder. There was no guilt for not being strong enough to stand up to her mother. Of course, any hope she had disappeared during her time of purging, but while most people would miss that hope, Bella found comfort in the acceptance of what was.

They arrived in a small motel in Las Cruces after what felt like an eternity. As soon as Renee deposited Bella into the room, she ran next door to the bar. Bella relished in the solitude and pushed thoughts of a soon-to-be drunk Renee out of her head. Pulling out her journal, she began to write about her dreams. Not the "when I grow up" kind, but the silent stalkers of the night. She ranted about the nightmares that woke her sweating and fearful and lamented about the dreams that bring tears because they have ended. She imagined there was an aspect of her life in which she might actually be normal; the dream of a Prince Charming rescuing her from her captor. However, unlike her peers, her Prince was older, fierce, and wants only to protect and love her as a daughter. The idea of boyfriend or lover didn't even cross the young girl's mind.

Her musings about her dream took an unexpected turn when she wondered in ink what her mother dreamed about. Bella had done her research; the local libraries had always been a place of serenity for her. She knew that something was wrong with Renee. But Bella had not been able to put the words out there. She didn't know if saying – or writing – the name would help or just hurt her further. Either way, there was no recourse for Bella; no cure for the victim, no escape from the scars.

Putting down her pen, Bella looked out of the window into the cold desert night. With only the fluffy, light clouds in the sky she found a star and made a wish.

_Please let me find the will to escape._


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

Thank you readers, for sticking with me when I got a little blocked and couldn't write what needed to be written. I think I'm feeling it again, so I will see you on the other side…

Chapter Thirteen

Renee loved Arizona. The constant heat allowed her to wear even skimpier clothes than in Texas. Plus, the diverse population gave her ample choice in men. It took five men in as many weeks before she found what she was looking for: a man to implement her new plan for the girl.

Working at a small bar, Renee watched her regulars. There were several men who came in every day. Each of them watched her with longing in their eyes, but she saw something else in Eric Yorkie's eyes. As she watched him, she saw a darker hunger and desperation in his eyes. It was that desperation she hoped to use to lure him in and then convince him to act on his darker urges.

It took very little effort on Renee's part to get Eric's attentions. After several shared drinks and a frenzied fuck in the men's room, she had him wrapped around her finger. After another week of this, she decided to test his reaction to "sharing" her. Picking up the phone, it was time to throw a little chum in the water of her relationship.

"Hullo?" Eric's dull voice nearly echoed through the phone line.

"Hey, Eric." Renee tried to sound excited to talk to her boyfriend, and based on his reaction, it worked.

"Hey, babe! What's up? I thought you had to work today." Hearing the excitement in his voice, she pushed on.

"I have the day off, actually. But, I do have to tell you something. I haven't been totally honest with you. Can you come to my place this afternoon?"

"Uh …what do you mean?" He sounded concerned, and Renee realized that perhaps she went about breaking the news the wrong way.

"Oh! That sounded terrible, didn't it? I just mean that I … well … I have a daughter. She's a freshman in high school, and I thought it was time I introduced the two of you. You know, since you're my boyfriend now." Rolling her eyes at herself, she couldn't believe he could buy the act.

"You're a mom?" He sounded as though he was in awe of her – like it was some sort of feat or something.

"Yeah. I was just scared that you wouldn't want me if you knew that." Renee surprised herself that she could be so good at simpering to this man.

"Wouldn't want you? It just makes you that much hotter, babe! I'll be there. What time do you want to get together?" She could hear him mumble something about a MILF under his breath.

"I was thinking about doing dinner. How about you pick us up at 5:30?" Realizing the plan could just work, Renee hung up and did a little celebration dance.

Settling into Phoenix was just like all of the other towns for Bella. School and their apartment were the only two places she spent any time. Though she hadn't been to the hospital yet, it was only a matter of time. She knew now that Renee made her out to look like a total nut job to the teachers and staff, and in turn, a social pariah amongst the students as well. In actuality, this suited the quiet girl nicely. Often too shy to speak out loud, she knew that most of the teachers believed Renee made her become even more introverted. The quiet that surrounded Bella did not invade her mind, however. There was nary a quiet moment inside her mind.

Walking into the gym on an otherwise uneventful day, Bella was unenthused about another boring school assembly. The setup was plain: a podium with two folding chairs behind it, and a folding table with a laptop and projector system a few feet to the right of the podium. The assembly was announced only yesterday during last period so few of the students knew the reason. However, Bella, who spent her gym hour in the office, knew exactly why they were being herded into the gym. A junior named Tia Benjamin went missing after sneaking out of lunch for a smoke. Bella overheard the authorities telling the secretary that they suspected this was a serial kidnapper, and they wanted all the students on "high alert." Shuffling her feet at the back of the crowd, she noticed another, smaller table just off to the side of the entrance. It held informational pamphlets about Amber Alert, Self Defense, and even one on GHB. It was the small pile of business cards that caught her eye though. The name of the detective was Charlie, one that was popular the world over, but his last name – Swan - brought a pang of hurt to Bella's heart.

It had been so long since she was able to use her birth name that often Bella even forgot what it was. Seeing another Swan brought back a host of memories she kept buried. They were always abstract – the smells of gun oil, pine, and … cologne? She couldn't place the last smell, but it was masculine and nothing like any of her mother's conquests would wear. With these thoughts in mind, she wasn't surprised to see that she had absent mindedly doodled "Isabella Marie Swan" on the back of the business card.

Feeling a tap on her shoulder, Bella looked up and noticed that her doodle didn't go unnoticed by the students around her.

"'Isabella Marie _Swan'_?" Bella didn't even turn around at the insult. "What the hell, Hunter? Who the hell is that? Aren't you enough of a freak without making up names? Unless you have a crush on that cop already? I mean, we know your mom is a slut, but I didn't know it was genetic." Jessica Stanley sneered at Bella with all of the hate high school girls could muster – which, Bella knew, was a lot.

With a small shrug of her shoulders, Bella sunk down into her seat and pocketed the soon-to-be infamous business card.

The local police officer droned on about missing children and something about 48 hours. Bella didn't catch much of it, but perked up when she heard him mention Officer Swan.

"As a favor to us, a precinct on the west side of town has sent their top Missing Persons detective here to talk to you about his experiences both on and off the force. Please give a warm welcome to Officer Charlie Swan."

Bella noticed that there were more curious, slow-claps than enthusiastic ones, but she wasn't surprised. Police officers weren't exactly the coolest group of people to a gym full of teenagers.

Looking up as the introducing cop retreated to his folding chair, Bella watched as this Charlie walked up to the podium. Taking the microphone, he walked away from it. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked somewhat nervous, fascinating the fifteen year old Bella. It was a gesture she did at least once every day. _Could he be related to me?_ She tried not to think like that. There wasn't any hope that this man, or any other would claim her – especially after what Renee has told her about her "father."

"Thanks, Dan. As Dan …Officer Petty mentioned, I am a detective in the Missing Persons department for the Phoenix Police Department. That being said, I also spend a lot of time going to high schools and talking about ways to protect yourself from danger. Kidnappings are only a small part of my job, and there are lots of things out there for teenagers and young adults to get mixed up with."

Bella sat stone still, spellbound, by this man's quiet yet strong voice. He knew what he was talking about, and she found herself on the edge of her seat to learn more. From the silence surrounding her, she knew that he had captivated the rest of her schoolmates, as well.

"With that being said, giving you a lecture isn't really my style. I would like to start out telling you a little about how I got into Missing Persons, though." He grabbed something from the folding table set up next to him, and the gym was quickly shrouded in darkness. As soon as the lights went off, Bella felt faint. There, on the projection screen was a picture she had seen only once years ago, before Renee tore it to shreds. The young girl was two, maybe three, toddling through a sprinkler, being chased by a pair of masculine legs in cargo shorts. She was so carefree, so happy that Bella couldn't help but cry a little.

Before another second passed though, Charlie began speaking again.

"This picture is probably one you have all seen before. It actually made it to the national news several years ago. This is my little girl, Bella. Her mother took her from the home we shared when she was three, and I've been searching high and low for them since. Of course" - he made a noise that sounded like a sigh and a snort - "the tragic thing is that I have found more missing children than any police officer in the state of Arizona, but I can't find my little girl."

There was an odd sigh from the girls in the audience at his confession. He seemed to be quite charming, even while sharing his deepest pain.

"Anyway, that got me started in MP, as I was a local cop in my hometown already. They didn't have too many cases like that where I was from, and I had some family here, so here I am." He stopped and tilted his head, almost like a puppy, before looking straight ahead again.

"I have learned a lot of little tricks along the way, and I find that sharing them with you helps. And by that, I mean that hopefully you will remember some of them if you find yourself in trouble, and I can rest easy at night when a day goes by that everyone makes it home."

Bella stared slack jawed as she took in his confession. The last name, the story, they seemed to coincide with her own, but she couldn't reconcile the man in front of her with the picture Renee had painted for her. Was her mother capable of lies that big? Of causing that much hurt? Nearly slapping her forehead with her palm, she felt stupid for even asking such questions. How many times had she been the hospital in her life? How many procedures and painful tests has she endured to satisfy Renee? What if this wasn't her father? What if she was just so desperate to get out of her situation that she was making false connections? The "what ifs" and the fear of facing her mother if she was wrong kept her paralyzed in her seat. She didn't even hear any of the advice Charlie gave during the hour-long presentation.

***  
>Phoenix grew on Charlie Swan. Though he liked his apartment, he spent most of his time at the station, working on open cases, and looking for Bella. He was sorely disappointed by the lack of information he was able to obtain. He had never known Renee to be a planner, but to be off the grid so completely took a skill he didn't imagine her having. Holding onto the hope that she would show up in Arizona at some point, Charlie joined forces with the state police and the local D.A.R.E. programs. Using his experience and his knowledge of police cases, he helped to write a series of presentations about "stranger danger" geared to high-schoolers. Though Bella would probably never hear it, every word and warning he wrote was with her in mind. Even after all of these years, the belief that she was alive still cut him like a knife. On the one hand, it drove him to find information, and to save any those people who needed help – child or adult alike. But it was that same hope that kept him in hell. Every dream of reunion, every nightmare of identifying her body – he was immobilized by hope. It was like a nagging voice in the back of his head on a constant loop. Charlie was trapped by the very thing that brought him so much joy once: the love for his daughter.<p>

Charlie's no-nonsense, down-to-earth presentation about teenager safety was quickly becoming the most popular assembly in the state. He had been contacted by both the FBI and local precincts on a few occasions due to his high closure rate, and was happy to help out again.

The presentation had gone well; he even got some laughs at the pictures he had chosen. For reasons he couldn't find, Charlie felt a lightness in the gym, a happiness that he couldn't place. It fueled him on, even he was laughing at some of the stories he told. As he always did when he visited a new city, he visited with the local department and handed out flyers with pictures of Renee and a rendered photo of what Bella might look like today. He had no reason to suspect Renee or Bella would be in Arizona, but that never stopped him. He did the same thing when he visited Chicago, New York, Tennessee and even Los Angeles. He hoped with enough exposure, someone would see them. _Somewhere_, he hoped wistfully. After a few hours, he had done all he could and left that side of town behind. He noticed that that happiness seemed to have dissipated as he stepped into his car, leaving him curiously morose on the ride back to his apartment.

Against her better judgment, Bella allowed herself to have hope. Hope that Charlie Swan was her father. Hope that if he was, he still looked for her. Hope that there was a way out of her situation. She knew that hope was dangerous, but looking at that innocuous business card, it was impossible not to feel it.

"Marie!"

Jumping off of her bed, she stashed Charlie's card into her sock drawer, trying not to slam it shut. Even with her bedroom door closed, she could hear joy in her mom's voice. This knowledge got Bella thinking right away. Renee was only that happy for a couple of reasons: first, when Bella had just gotten home from the hospital; and second, when Renee has a new boyfriend. Renee addressed her by name, and the only time that happened was in the presence of other people. _So a new boyfriend, then_, Bella thought. Checking herself in the mirror and looking around her room, she popped out into the hallway, plastering a stupid grin on her face.

"Coming, Mom!"

Before she even finished coming down the hallway, she caught sight of what awaited her in the living room. Renee and a tall, dark, and handsome man were standing face to face, speaking quietly. They both looked happy and cozy. When Bella caught her mother's eyes, she knew all too well the look that lurked there. It was the very look that caused fear to course through her veins.

With a large, fake smile, Renee addressed her daughter.

"There you are! Eric wanted to meet you, and I just couldn't wait to introduce you two." Looking at the man now on her left, she ran her hand down his arm and grabbed his hand. "Eric, this is my daughter Marie. Marie, this is my boyfriend Eric. Well, come in here, we're not going to bite, honey."

Looking at Eric, Renee chuckled a bit before opening her mouth. "You'd think she's never met new people before."

Bella swallowed down her fear she felt. Not only did her mother terrify her, but she was completely creeped out by the new boyfriend. The feeling only got worse once he began to speak.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Marie. I was just asking Renee if you could join us for supper tonight. I thought maybe we could go bowling or something afterwards, too. What do you think?"

Bella didn't have to feign the pensive look on her face as she considered both Eric and his request. Her mind was caught between what she thought and how she should respond. So, rather than saying, "You creep me the hell out and if you know the real Renee, you should be running the other direction," like she wanted to say, she simply responded with a safe response.

"Sure, sounds fun." With her hands behind her back, she crossed her fingers and hoped that would be the case.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

Thank you, readers, for sticking with me when I got a little blocked and couldn't write what needed to be written. I think I'm feeling it again, so I will see you on the other side…

Chapter Fourteen

Eleven years flooded his memory to the rapid tempo of his tapping pen. Staring at the red circle on his calendar, he closed his eyes and watched the flashes of his little girl in his mind's eye. It wasn't just one of the many days where visions of Riley and Bella prevented James from being productive in any way; the anniversaries of their birth, death, and loss hit him the hardest each year. Every day seemed to evoke different memories, but after so much time, James was relieved that Victoria no longer appeared in his memories.

Since leaving Arizona behind, life had finally been kind to James. His family law practice flourished, allowing him to not only hire a small staff but also to do pro bono work for local families fighting to stay together. As his business improved, so did his personal life. Looking at the pictures on his large desk caused a silly smile to take over his face, softening the sadness from the memories of his first family.

_His first family._ He had no illusions about ever opening his heart again; his pain had been all-consuming for many years. Moving to Washington wasn't meant to be a panacea, but work did provide a wonderful distraction at first. As promised, he did visit Jane and Alec. The three of them began to heal together and now started having dinner every Sunday. The relationship brought each of them joy, and he loved that he was able to think of them as his "Washington parents" since his parents were still in Arizona. He never imagined his ex-in-laws would accept him moving on, but they embraced both the idea and the reality.

It took seven years, but James did fall in love again. Or, perhaps, for the very first time. Tanya Kebiben stole his heart – after she stole his parking spot. He was running late for the weekly dinner at Jane's, and Tanya didn't make the best first impression on the irritable lawyer. But as the leggy blonde with large, nervous eyes popped out of her car and chased him down, all of his anger just…disappeared.

"_I'm so sorry. You were waiting for that spot, weren't you?" Her hand lightly grabbed his arm to get his attention. He felt two wildly different sensations, as her gentle touch both soothed him and sent thrilling shivers all throughout his body._

_Turning, he felt lost in her sapphire-blue eyes. "No, it's fine. I was just in a hurry, that's all." His voice was barely above a whisper as he was still lost in sensation._

"_Was?" she asked with a slight smile._

_Furrowing his brows, he couldn't make sense of her question. "Was, what?"_

"_You said you were in a hurry. You aren't anymore?" Her smile widened at his obvious befuddlement._

_Annoyed at his loss of words, he shook his head and sense finally took over, causing a small laugh to escape him. "Wow. I'm sorry. Yes. I am in a hurry, but they'll understand. Just a lunch date, I guess. I'm James, by the way."_

_Just as she was about to answer, they were interrupted by a car horn. Looking around, he felt his eyes get large._

"_Hmmm. Maybe we should head inside."_

_As she realized they were standing in the middle of the parking lot, she looked at James and nodded. _

"_I agree. Let's go." _

_She slipped her arm in his, and they headed inside._

_Before the whoosh of the door hit his ears, she put her lips to his ear and whispered, "I'm Tanya."_

It took no time at all for the two to become inseparable. Where Victoria had been cold and selfish, Tanya was warm and caring. She embraced his stories and memories of his little girls and became one of Jane's favorite companions. After two years of bliss, the couple became a family when little Jacob James Biers was born. JJ brought James a happiness he thought he'd never feel again.

With tears in his eyes and JJ in Jane's arms, he vowed to honor and protect Tanya all the days of his life on a warm June afternoon in the Higgins' backyard.

The phone shook him from the memories of his son's birth and his beautiful wife. Since he was technically working, he took a deep breath and put on his best professional air.

"James Biers. How may I help you?"

"Good afternoon, Mr. Biers. This is Officer Randall Johnson with the Forks PD. Can you please come to the station? We need to have a word with you."

The voice on the other end of the phone sounded nervous and tired, worrying James immediately.

"May I ask what this call is about?" He tried to sound as professional as possible, but he didn't have any active cases in Forks, so the unexpected request made him curious.

"I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Jane and Alec Higgins were in a car accident early this morning, and you are listed as their emergency contact" he replied rather curtly.

"Oh-kay." James couldn't help but draw out the word. The hair on the back of his neck began to tingle with all of the thoughts racing through his head. Why wasn't this call coming from the hospital? What were they doing out so early in the morning? His internal questions were interrupted by Officer Johnson's deep voice.

"I'm sorry, but I need to know if you are able to come to the station, Mr. Biers."

"Yes! Of course. I'm at my office now, so it will take about an hour. Is that okay?" It seemed that reality was sinking in, and he realized that his "Washington parents" seemed to be in serious trouble.

Bella was unable to decipher the flashes of red and black of her dream. As they continued, the red got brighter and warmer. Instead of being comforting the heat began to make her dizzy. The dream took a turn for the worse when the dizziness gave way to falling. As she fell into the sun, her unseeing eyes opened. The abrupt change from dream to reality caused her to vomit all down the front of herself.

As the nausea and dizziness passed, the sights and sounds of the room appeared in startlingly clarity. There was the ticking of a fluorescent light and a soothing, steady beeping in the background. Confusion clouded her brain. Bella became more aware of her surroundings and turned her head toward the sunshine she felt on her right.

Letting the sun warm her and wake her, Bella despaired to realize that she was in the hospital again. More so, she was confused because she didn't know why she was there. Grossed out by the vomit and needing to use the bathroom, Bella stretched to wake her body enough to get out of bed. She closed her eyes in anticipation of the wonderful feel of her muscles extending, but felt overwhelming pain in her abdomen and arms instead, forcing her eyes to fly open.

In an attempt to sit up to inspect her body, she was almost crippled by pain that surged through her face, shot around her head, and settled roughly in her stomach. Now upright, she closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. She managed to push down wave after wave of nausea. Once she was calm and able to investigate for the source of all of her pain, Bella made some horrifying discoveries. Aside from the IV in her left arm and the ugly gown that only partially covered her, Bella saw huge black bruises covering her rib cage and stomach. There were also bruises on her wrists and ankles.

Upon closer inspection, Bella outlined the bruises with her fingers. She followed handprints and shoeprints. Thinking back over the past night, she had no recollection of being in a fight. _Was there ever even a time when she fought back?_ There was no way her mother would have been so outright in her violence; that wasn't the part that Renee enjoyed. It also didn't seem to her that Renee would have outsourced her attacks either, but it was even more unlikely that it was random. The coincidence was too great.

"_I'm so glad that you've agreed to come with us, Marie. Do you like Italian food?" Eric seemed like a puppy waiting for a treat from its master to the suspicious Bella, but she played along anyway._

"_Yeah, it's one of my favorite things." _

Renee had a penchant for taking away those objects that Bella desired. Over the years, she learned to be apathetic about everything. It made the loss easier to bear. It also helped her to become an excellent liar.

_Eric smiled at her response. "It's mine too."_

When they got to the restaurant, Bella fell into position behind the couple, a common occurrence when in public with Renee – it was one of the many unspoken rules in Bella's life.

_Dinner started out nicely for the odd trio of Renee, Eric, and Bella. They ended up eating in a quaint Italian restaurant where Bella enjoyed a heaping helping of mushroom ravioli. Renee even allowed her to have some Coke, a luxury Bella thoroughly enjoyed._

Fear coursed through her as she realized that was the very last thing she remembered. Though she was desperate to learn why she was again in the hospital, her immediate concern was what injuries she had sustained. Her blackout prevented her from remembering what caused Renee to go from the happy woman she was before dinner to the monster who did this to her child. Bella knew that it was only in times of undue stress that Renee lashed out, so the reasons for this trip were a mystery to her.

"Oh good. You're awake."

Startled out of her thoughts by a voice, she whipped her head toward the door. However, this action was too much for her to take and she vomited all down the front of her pale blue gown. That combined with the stress and the pain finally made Bella's calm demeanor crack as tears ran down her face and sobs overtook her tired and injured body.

"You're okay. You're safe now. I'm Claire. I'm the nurse assigned to you today. Can I get you cleaned up?"

Bella watched as Claire held up her hands then waved them in a gesture to indicate where the vomit was now covering both Bella and her bedding. Bella never had anyone ask before, and it seemed out of place and strange. However, knowing the nurse was expecting a response, she simply nodded as tears silently began to run down her cheeks at the kind gesture.

With a soothing and gentle hand, Claire began to rub Bella's back.

"Let it out. It's okay to cry. You're safe now. Your mom has been worried sick about you. She's with the other nurses right now, and she'll be here in a few minutes."

"Wh-what happened?" Bella's voice was shaky and barely above a whisper asking the one question she wasn't sure she wanted to have answered.

Just as Claire was about to answer her, Renee came bursting into the room, causing Bella to cringe; she couldn't help but be surprised at the large bruise blooming on the right side of Renee's face.

"Oh, Marie! Oh, I'm so glad you're awake. Why didn't you call for me? I…" Renee's hands fluttered around Bella's face in a practiced manner that conveyed concern.

Already exasperated with Renee's antics, she tried to keep her voice from showing impatience. "Mom. I'm fine. I swear. I'm just confused. What happened?"

Bella realized that in her confusion and exhaustion, she did the one thing Renee never stood for; she asked for an explanation in front of an "outsider."

Renee pulled her chair up to Bella's bed and grabbed her hand. Claire continued to flit around the room, checking monitors and updating the clipboard at the end of Bella's bed. It appeared that Renee had no intention of waiting for the nurse to leave, as the story only mattered when there was an audience.

"Oh, baby. It was terrible. You, Eric, and I were having such a nice dinner. He must have had too much wine, because when we got home he just…he just…"

Claire stopped what she was doing when Renee's tears began to fall. Bella knew that even if Eric did cause her bruises, Renee was behind it and deserved no such sympathy. Not that Bella would ever act upon her knowledge – the punishment for disobedience was not worth the short burst of truth.

Bella barely noticed that Renee had started talking again. She didn't need to hear any more.

"He lost control, baby. I tried to stop him, but he was too strong for me. But I promise _he_ won't hurt us again."

Claire finally left the room, and Bella fell back to sleep, leaving Renee alone with her thoughts. Over the years, she always associated the enjoyment she got when hurting Bella with the feelings she got at the hospital. Last night, they heightened the violence to a level that should have frightened Renee. Rather than fear, the rage and viciousness turned her on. It made Renee wonder if she shouldn't have gotten a partner ages ago. A stupid smile spread across her face as she recalled her favorite moments from the night before.

_She was worried about giving complete control to Eric. She didn't trust him – or anyone, for that matter. However, to make her plan work, control had to be given away. _

_She triumphed when she added just a dash of GHB meant for Bella into Eric's drink, giving him just enough to ensure he would bend to her will. _

_Her thighs clenched again as she remembered fucking Eric while Bella laid unconscious just feet from their frenzy. And again in the hallway, bedroom, and shower._

She almost climaxed again in her chair as she felt her bruised cheek where he punched her. The passion and fire she felt then rushed back the second she carried a still unconscious teenager into the ER and saw the faces of the staff.

Everything had gone better than she planned. The staff ran to help her, and it was like Biloxi all over again. Being a victimized mother _and_ child added a whole new level of sympathy, and Renee ate it up.

The night had begun with stilted conversation and uncomfortable silences, but it morphed into an orgasmic, euphoric haze. Grabbing her cell phone, she scrolled through her contacts. As she typed her one-word message, anticipation shivered down her spine.

**Again. –R**

**You got it. -E**


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

Chapter Fifteen

The clock read eleven thirty as Charlie slipped off his gun and shoes. Though he lived alone, he made little noise as he grabbed a beer and turned on the television. After muting SportsCenter and taking a large sip, Charlie closed his eyes in satisfaction of a job well done. After missing for nearly two months, Tia Benjamin was found alive and well.

Before he could celebrate his win any further, his phone rang. Intent on ignoring any calls from the station, he was surprised to see such a late night call from James.

"Hello?" Charlie couldn't keep the confusion out of his voice. However, all he heard was heavy breathing.

"Jimmy? Is that you? Are Tanya and Jacob okay?"

Finally, he got a verbal response from the caller.

"We … we're okay. But, you need to come home. There's … it's Jane and Alec."

Charlie's heart jumped into his throat and his good mood completely disappeared.

"I'll be on the next flight up."

Their conversation ended with Charlie as confused as when it began – and with a harsh sense of foreboding lingering in his heart.

Wasting no time, Charlie grabbed his go-bag and went to the airport to catch the first flight out. It didn't take long before his phone rang again. The number was a Port Angeles exchange, but he didn't know the caller's name.

"This is Charlie."

"Hey, Charlie. This is Tanya."

Relief flooded his system as her calm yet tired voice carried through his phone.

"Oh, it's so good to hear from you. I couldn't get any info out of Jimmy. What's going on, Tanya?"

He could hear her crying softly, but kept quiet and just waited her out.

"It was a car accident. The cops told us they died on impact. I know I should take solace in that, but I don't."

Hearing her talk reminded Charlie of all of the doors he knocked on over the years. The words never seemed so hollow as they did coming out of Tanya's mouth.

"I understand. I don't either. But how are you _really_ doing?"

Tanya sighed into the receiver, and it was very telling. Charlie knew that she would stay strong for her husband and son – and anyone else she could help.

"Tired. I'm in shock, but I've only had a few years with them. Jim is a mess."

"Take care of yourself. I'll be there in a few hours."

After he hung up the phone, Charlie allowed himself to grieve for the loss of his loving in-laws.

"We really need to stop meeting like this," Charlie said as he pulled James into a hug.

"I know. This is just …" Charlie watched as his articulate friend struggled for words, choosing instead to simply end with a sigh.

"Have you heard from Victoria?"

James seemed surprised by the question and shook his head slightly before answering.

"Jesus, no. Not only that, but I haven't even thought of her. I guess I kind of forgot they were her parents."

Charlie chuckled.

"I know the feeling. Jane was a tough bird, but once she let you in …" Knowing he didn't need to explain, he stopped and shrugged his shoulders. Rather, he tried to veer James' thoughts away from grief.

"Are your parents coming?"

"You mean Mom miss a chance to babysit Jake? Not likely." James snorted lightly. "Their flight lands in a few hours."

"Good. It'll be nice to see Dora, although I do see your dad from time-to-time in court."

The two men distracted themselves by talking about work and sports until Tanya announced lunch was ready.

The rest of the day passed quietly for everyone.

The funeral went on around Charlie, his mind full of memories of Jane and Alec. A sense of urgency suddenly struck him as he realized that he too, could die anytime. He had to find Bella. His mind began to think of avenues he hadn't explored in an attempt to warm up Bella's cold case.

The stifling heat kept Bella from venturing outside and away from Renee. She was released from the hospital on Sunday evening and Renee drove home with a smug smile on her face the whole trip. The first part of the drive was quiet, although eventually, it seemed as though Renee could be quiet no longer.

"This was a complete success! I do hope you appreciate the GHB. After all, no one needs to remember everything, right?"

Bella kept her mouth shut but heard Elizabeth Bennett loud and clear in her head: _"In cases such as these, a good memory is unpardonable." _A small smile formed on Bella's mouth as she thought of how her own added sarcasm would gain her favorite heroine's approval.

"When did you get so slow at healing anyway? I mean, my bruises were already fading after just a couple of days."

Though Bella was surprised at Renee's candidness, she had no response. The satisfaction in her mother's voice settled roughly in Bella's stomach as did her sudden realization. Renee had just upped the game, and there really was no end in sight for the teenager.

As soon as they pulled into their parking lot, Bella nearly jumped out of the car. Rushing to her room, she settled on her bed as her mind played out scenario after scenario. With each possible future, different emotions made Bella's head hurt. She felt fear from years of unending abuse and despair at hearing Renee tell her that her dad didn't want her. These feelings were replaced with the elation she felt at thinking Charlie was close and could save her from her living hell. The one feeling that seemed to be missing was a sense of self and confidence. It was as though there was never any thoughts about her role in her own life. After living in hell with no hope for years, an idea dawned. She needed to be her _own_ salvation.

_ Dear Journal, _

_ It's taken me a long time to believe the truth. Too long, I guess. My mom is ill, but I'm the one who suffers. I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't think I should have to. The idea of leaving has become so much harder to ignore. I'm just so scared. Scared I really am nothing like Renee says, terrified of being all alone in the world. Every day, I look at the business card I pilfered from Charlie Swan and dream. What if he was my dad? Would he really love me? Does he actually spend his time looking for me, or is it just an act?_

_Since waking up in the hospital, it seems the decision has been made for me. She recruited her boyfriend! What was she thinking? I wish I was brave enough to ask. I hope I'm brave enough to follow through with my plan. Don't worry – I'll let you know._

Monday morning dawned brightly for Bella. Between her newly-hatched plan and facing her schoolmates with a black eye, she was a nervous wreck. The last time Bella went to school bruised, Jessica was ruthless.

"_Trying to get sympathy friends now," she asked, looking at her cronies. "You _know _she was the girl who used a vacuum to make hickies, so everyone thought that someone would kiss her."_

In a failed attempt to ignore them, Bella turned on her heel and left. Unfortunately, the group caught her blush. Her cursed blush - she hated it now more than ever. Of course, Jess took it as confirmation about her theory, but in reality, Bella never even thought of giving herself a bruise on purpose. Not that she'd ever been kissed by a boy before, at least not to her knowledge. Maybe Renee did have a point about the GHB. Her whole body shivered involuntarily at that thought.

Bella made it until lunch before just the thought of facing her whole grade emboldened her. Before her bravery waned, she walked out of school and away from each one of her tormentors.

Charlie sat at his desk at the Phoenix Police Department, staring out the window. According to the bank across the street, it was another 100 degree day in the sunny city, yet the colorful world outside seemed dull to the man. He stared at the battered missing person flyer that showcased his entire reason for living. The skinny, brown-eyed girl covered in mud, with a smile that could light up a room had been missing for fourteen years, and just the thought of her brought tears to his eyes. The time spent in Phoenix taught him to become a better police officer, and it was with a huge helping of irony that he had become top dog of the missing persons' department. However, it had not yielded many leads in the only case he truly cared about. Bella and Renee had only popped up on his radar once, but the lead was hopelessly outdated.

The information Charlie obtained had been nothing but a speeding ticket in Colorado. According to the ticket, Renee had been driving like a bat out of hell, but he wasn't surprised. She knew he would move mountains to get his little girl back, but there wasn't another sign of them at all in the last decade.

He had never been satisfied with the age-progression photos e had received. He had been told her face was just too flexible at that age but the pictures would be "close enough." Either the cop in his head or dad in his heart made him hate that phrase and the picture. Over the years, as part of his personal mission to find her, he had many different people send him pictures. On pure instinct, he pulled them all out of his drawer and examined them. He felt the newest one nailed her nose. Charlie had learned over the years to trust his gut, and his gut told him to combine them all. So, with a favor from the FBI, he was the proud owner of the first age-progression picture of _his _Bella. For the first time in fourteen years, her face felt _right_.

Captain Stevens had popped his head into Charlie's cubicle to find out what had the taciturn officer smiling.

"Hey, Swan, what's this I hear about you and a dopey smile?"

"Sir." Charlie nodded. "It would seem that my gut and brain finally got together and hit a home run."

The Captain laughed at that. "With a smile like that, I assume this is about Bella?"

Though the question was genuine curiosity, Charlie couldn't help but feel a bit chastised and bowed his head slightly.

"Yes, Sir. I got an idea I just to run with. But, I think it worked."

"Could it be used for other cases?" The captain always trusted Charlie's ideas, even if they could be unconventional, and Charlie was very proud of earning that trust.

Bouncing his head in thought, Charlie was silent for a few beats. "I believe it could be in long-term cases like Bella's. Come on in; sit down. I'll explain what I did."

For most of the morning, Charlie talked with the captain about his process and which cases it could help. But before he could leave for the diner, his desk phone rang.

"Swan, Missing Persons."

"Hey, Charlie, it's Michelle at reception. There's someone up here asking for you. Can I send her back?"

Bella's heart raced in her chest. She felt like she had to hide while at the bus stop. It seemed to her that everyone there knew she was skipping school. In an attempt to distract herself from her raw nerves, she pulled out her notebook and quickly wrote a note to Alice. Though they usually emailed, Bella preferred to write with a pen sometimes – Alice always teased her about her "old- school ways."

_Dear Alice, _

_ I know it's been a while (for us anyway), and I needed to let you know I'm okay. We had another "incident" and I'll tell you all about it in our next letter. Just know it was the wake-up call I needed._

_I'm on my way to the police station right now. You told me that the truth will set me free. I sure hope so, Alice. I'll write more when I talk to Charlie. Wish me luck!_

_ Love,  
>Bella<em>

She folded the letter and placed it in one of the stamped envelopes she always carried with her. Poor Alice was usually on the receiving end of a rant through the regular mail, and Bella figured a little good news would be a welcome surprise. As the bus pulled up, Bella dropped the letter in the mailbox. However, once the bus door opened, she changed her mind and hailed a cab instead. There were just too many eyes on the bus, and she couldn't stand the thought of them all on her.

Even though it was the middle of the day, it didn't take her long to find a cab. Once she gave the cabbie the police station's address, he took off. Nerves wracked her small, tired frame, and it seemed the cabbie even noticed her fear.

"You okay, sweetie?"

Her head whipped up as though it was the first time she realized there was another person in the car with her.

"Uh…yeah. Just meeting someone for the first time. I guess I'm nervous." After years of twisting the truth, being so honest with this man - this stranger - felt wonderfully freeing.

"At the police station? Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, I wouldn't let my daughter meet anyone like that without me being there, you know?" He gave Bella a pointed look through the rear-view mirror, and it took a second for Bella to understand his implications.

"Oh,no," she said, shaking her head. "Nothing like that. My dad, at least I think he's my dad, is a cop at that precinct. I just figured it out the other day. You don't need to worry about me. I can take care of myself." _And the lies begin again, Bella. Good work - you made it two whole sentences._

Realizing that she couldn't take care of herself at all made her heart hurt. She shouldn't have had to take care of herself. Her mother should have done that – it's what they are for. Bitter tears formed in her eyes, but she kept herself in check. This cabbie had learned more about her in five minutes than anyone else ever had.

Luckily, they pulled in front of the station just a couple of minutes later, and Bella dug around in her backpack for the fare.

"Don't worry about it, kid. Find your dad. And if it means anything, I hope he gives you what you need."

Bella nodded gratefully and held back tears at the generosity of that kind man. Silently, she slid out of his cab and brushed off her clothes in preparation for her future. _At least she hoped so._

Once Bella spoke to the receptionist, she wandered over to the wall of wanted posters. Sitting on the bench, she watched as two officers chatted animatedly over a photograph.

Charlie gave the okay to Michelle and opened his drawer of active cases. Like himself, he found parents preferred to have a paper file to touch - tangible evidence their child existed.

Michelle showed Bella back to Charlie's cubicle. After the receptionist left, Bella poked her head around the wall and watched as he rooted around in a drawer. Knocking quietly, Bella held her breath as she locked eyes with Charlie Swan.

Charlie's fingers stopped flipping through the files as he looked up. Confusion clouded his mind. Was he dreaming? The face before him couldn't be real. He just had the picture rendered - this girl was not real. He was just projecting Bella's face onto anyone. It had to have been some sort of dream.

"My name here is Marie Hunter. I don't know my real last name, but my mother has called me Bella in private for as long as I remember." Her voice wavered as she spoke the words she never dreamed she would say. "I think I'm your missing daughter."

Though the air round them was completely silent, the crackle of anticipation fed all the conflicting emotions.

_Her eyes are just like Bella's._

_He looks terrified. I was wrong. I have to go back._

_She looks so scared. What's happened to her?_

_Move your feet, Bella. Get out of here._

_She's real. Oh, my god. She's alive. She's here._

"Bells?" Charlie's voice was just above a whisper, but she heard his relief and disbelief loud and clear.

"I want … can I come home, Daddy?"

Charlie had no doubt a miracle had just occurred. He had found his little girl. He sprang up from his seat and threw his arms around her. She cringed at first, but after she relaxed, there was no awkwardness in the embrace - only relief, love and joy.

Once the initial adrenaline started to fade, Charlie really looked at Bella. In all of his reunion daydreams, Bella never looked as haggard as the small teenager in front of him. Her hair hung limply down her back, framing a gaunt face. He winced as he grabbed her ice-cold skeletal hand, noting Bella's face held a look of confusion.

Pausing to wipe the tears streaming down his daughter's face, his brain seemed to reengage from the shock of the situation.

"How did you get here? How … I've been looking for you for years. You found me, you amazing girl. How did you find me?"

"I'm a sophomore at Desert Vista High School. You came and talked to us about safety." Bella paused for a moment. Lifting her head, she looked Charlie in the eye. "Did you mean what you said that day?" Her voice was so small and scared, but her question confused him.

"Do you mean the story I told about losing and looking for you?"

Bella nodded her head, but the movement was barely noticeable as uncertainty clouded her eyes.

Charlie cupped Bella's face as gently as he could. "I could have done nothing but talk about all of the ways I've looked for you and still only covered the tip of the iceberg."

Bella's shoulders shook with silent sobs, and Charlie felt helpless. Not wanting to startle her, he slowly closed the gap and hugged her again. As he held her, he began to mumble lowly.

"You're home now. You're safe now. I love you so much."


	17. Chapter Sixteen

Dear readers: you are AH-MAZING! I love each and every one of you. So much! It seems that as the story has reached a point of happiness, it has become harder for me to write. I hope this chapter meets your approval. Don't worry – there is more to come!

I don't own Twilight.

OH! I fixed the weird transitions in the last chapter. There weren't any major changes, just some additions to help it make sense. You don't have to re-read, but feel free

Chapter Sixteen

The morning passed like most did for Renee. Because she worked at a bar, her shift didn't start until eleven – just in time to prep for the small lunch rush. She waited until the girl left for school and blindly made her way downstairs to the coffee pot. After half a pot and a steaming shower, Renee felt human again. Her hangover beat a ruthless rhythm in the back of her head due to the little party she threw after closing last night. After the rest of her coffee and a handful of aspirin, she was determined not to let a hangover ruin her day. Eric was meeting her at work so they could plan their next date night with the girl. On Renee's way out the door, she double checked her cleavage and make-up in the hallway mirror. With an approving grin and a nod, she bounced to the driveway and the beat up Le Baron she was driving.

"I really think we should just do the same thing we did last time, Nee. I mean, we know it works, right? Don't fix it if it ain't broke." Eric's words sounded hesitant, but his rough voice belied his excitement.

Huffing at her boyfriend-slash-victim, Renee kept her thoughts to herself. _Not a creative bone in this idiot. At least he's a good lay. _"I hear you, I do, but don't you want to try something different?" As she spoke, she lightly rubbed her finger up the inside of his arm, being sure to hit the sensitive part inside the elbow, in an attempt to seduce him into following her plans.

Completely enthralled by their planning session, neither Eric nor Renee paid any attention to the quickly filling restaurant portion of the bar. They also had no idea that the unusually large lunch rush was actually a squad of plains-clothed officers with a warrant for her arrest. Though her initial idea to take Bella was a spur of the moment decision, she realized early on that Charlie would most likely use all of his available resources to find her. It was the only reason she felt she needed to hide her true identity. Though she still changed last names in every new location, she no longer changed her first name. Time and her addiction had made her complacent in her vigilance. Of course, she never put much thought into federal charges or custody. So, as she left Eric with a kiss on the cheek and a promise for more, she got up to go to the ladies' room to freshen up with no idea that she would never get there.

"Renee Higgins-Swan."

She heard the booming, unfamiliar voice shout a name she had never used together and it sent chills up her spine. As she turned her head toward the voice, she surveyed the room. It was only then that she noticed the room full of armed badges. As her eyes locked with the arresting officer, her whole existence came to a screeching halt. Panic pushed all thoughts from her head and filled her ears with only the sound of her own pounding heart.

_Lub-dub. _

_Lub-dub. _

"Renee Higgins-Swan, put your hands on your head."

Looking at Eric, she only saw the panic in his eyes as he knocked over his chair in his rush to escape her presence. However, he didn't even get to the first table before he was tackled and put into handcuffs himself.

_Lub-dub. _

_Lub-dub._

Eric's panicked eyes morphed into the ghost of the warm, trusting eyes of her little girl the first time she strangled her.

_Lub-dub. _

_Lub-dub._

"Renee Higgins-Swan, you are under arrest for the kidnapping of one minor child, Isabella Marie Swan."

_Lub-dub. _

_Lub-dub._

_Lub-dub. _

_Lub-dub._

Putting her hands on her head, she felt all the blood rush from her face, knowing everything she has done for the last 13 years would be exposed.

She would be exposed.

_Lub-dub._

_Lub-dub_.

"Renee Higgins-Swan, keep your hands on your head and lay down on your stomach."

With her nose to the sticky linoleum of the bar floor, she wondered if this was what humiliation felt like. This feeling was so foreign to her, yet she imagined her expression matched the one worn by her daughter and knew exactly what Bella felt like every day of her life.

"Get her out of here."

_Lub-dub. _

_Lub-dub._

She felt the officer behind her, putting her wrists into the handcuffs. Her brain registered he was talking, but couldn't understand the words. Adrenaline coursed through her blood and kept her face impassive as she was lead out to the waiting squad car. It took less than five minutes for the officers to clear the scene and before Renee knew it, she was being driven away. As the sirens blared, her brain kicked back into full gear.

Questions flooded in and overwhelmed Renee. _Would being arrested gain her sympathy? How would she spin what's she done? She could _not_ go to jail._ She felt her heart start to race as the tears poured unbidden down her cheeks. In the middle of her silent tears, it dawned on Renee exactly what they had said. She was being arrested for kidnapping Bella; not abusing her. With that revelation, completely different questions started popping into her head. _Then why was Eric being arrested?_ Instead of panicking and falling victim to the "what-ifs," she composed herself and decided to wait to see what the cops had. It wouldn't be too difficult to rebuke most of the accusations. _Unless Charlie was there_. That thought was one of the only possibilities that truly worried Renee. Forcing that fear to the back of her mind, she tried to remember everything that she had told people to keep her stories straight.

Once at the police station, Renee was immediately brought into interrogation. Charlie had been notified as soon as they picked her up and was waiting for another officer to question her. Sitting in his cubicle with Bella was surreal for him, and though he sensed she wasn't normally very chatty, her current silence was troubling him.

"What are you thinking, kid?" Charlie kept his voice quiet, as if he just realized that his little girl was truly breakable.

She blinked her eyes, rapidly, as if pulling herself from a trance. "Is this happening? Things like this … they just aren't real."

He smiled. "It is and they are in my world, Bella," He pointed to himself "great cop, remember?"

Though he wished he could have made her laugh, he settled for the wane smile he did get.

He heard Bella clear her throat, and saw her open her mouth, but no words came out. In a rare moment of patience, he simply kept hold of her hand and waited.

"What happens now?" He expected her to ask that question, but he still hadn't formed an answer. Instead, he answered her with another question.

"That depends on you. What do you want to happen?" Bella visibly flinched, and in that instant, all of Charlie's suspicions were confirmed.

"I – I guess I don't know. But I don't want to go back to her." She looked at him with tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.

Gripping her hand once, he simply nodded and replied with a quiet but sincere vow. "Never."

"I demand a lawyer!" Renee paced the small room like a caged lion.

Charlie stood outside Interrogation Room Three attempting to keep his temper in check. Hearing Renee hide behind a lawyer would have made him laugh had the situation been less distressing.

"You know you can't work this case, Charlie. We'll all keep you informed, but we'll never get a conviction with your history." His captain was being fair and was right, but that didn't make Charlie feel any better.

"I know, Cap. Doesn't make this shit any easier." With a nod and a slap on the shoulder, Captain Stephens opened the door and entered the room, leaving Charlie to watch as his ex-wife as she faced some serious questions from a seriously shrewd cop.

"I have nothing to say to you." Renee crossed her arms and arched her eyebrow in defiance. To Charlie, Renee looked like the cat that ate the canary as soon as her lawyer walked in. Charlie had seen Paul Lahote in court. As a public defender, he was as incompetent as they get. Charlie stifled a giggle thinking about the strategy sessions between Paul and Renee.

"Ms. Swan, you don't actually need to say anything here. We have enough to convict you on kidnapping, child endangerment and child abuse. This interview is a chance for you to confess in an effort to reduce your prison sentence." The captain almost shrugged in indifference at her rage.

"Are you serious," she snorted. Looking at Paul, Renee gestured to the cop. "Who the hell does this ass think he is?"

With no answer from her attorney, she took a deep breath and once again faced her interrogator.

"Who do you think you are? You know nothing about my life. And kidnapping, really? Like my ex cares at all. He kicked us out years ago."

Paul placed a restraining hand on her arm. Looking at Captain Stephens, he spoke up.

"This is bordering on harassment, officer. You have shown no proof, so either charge my client, or release her."

"Actually, we have all of the proof we need, plus several eye witnesses and a confession from one…" he looked down at his notes to ensure he got the name correct, "Eric Yorkie." The captain actually looked proud.

Renee snorted. "Proof my ass. You can't prove any of it."

Charlie could handle no more. He waited until her attorney whispered into her ear, and quietly entered the room, behind Renee. "You say your ex kicked you out. But that's not entirely accurate, is it Renee?"

The woman he had once loved blanched as he spoke to her. Charlie had mastered intimidating suspects over the years, and couldn't help the surge of satisfaction he felt watching her bravado deflate.

"I believe what you meant to say was that you left once your ex chose his daughter over you. Isn't that correct?"

Paul's face was a mask of confusion, and Renee's demeanor completely changed.

"Ch … Charlie?" The anger completely disappeared as fear clouded her eyes.

Relief didn't come for Bella, even as sleep claimed her. Dreams of a new life with Charlie morphed into memories and then nightmares of more life with Renee. After waking several times throughout the night, she finally succumbed to exhaustion.

Bella woke up in a dark room, quite uncomfortable, but warm. Panic set in for a moment as she realized the room completely unfamiliar. As she adjusted to the darkness, she caught sight of a large shield on the wall. Recognition and memories flashed before her eyes.

_Ditching school._

_The cab ride to the precinct._

_Coming face to face with Charlie._

"Charlie!" Though her voice was no louder than a whisper, it seemed deafening in the small room. Realizing she was alone, she took a moment to compose herself. Disappointed that relief had escaped her even in sleep, she was grateful that exhaustion finally claimed her around three in the morning. Her night started off with dreams of a new life with Charlie, but morphed into nightmares of more life with Renee. It seemed like no matter how many times she woke, the same dream would restart as soon as she closed her eyes. Now refreshed after her short but deep sleep, she attempted to tame her appearance. Realizing there was nothing she could do about the rat's nest on her head, she figured no one would notice anyway and went off in search of Charlie.

Wandering down the hall slightly bewildered, Bella ran into Michelle who seemed surprised to see the teenager.

"Bella? What are you doing up? I thought you'd still be sleeping, hun." Though Bella didn't understand the endearment, she appreciated the genuine warmth in the receptionists' voice.

Still processing the kind words, Bella stuttered as she tried to decide whether to answer honestly or not.

"Oh. I … um … couldn't sleep anymore," she shrugged while she finished her thought, "nightmares."

Nodding in understanding, Michelle simply continued the conversation. "So, where are you heading? Looking for your dad?"

Nodding her head, Bella tried to keep the conversation going. "Yeah. Do you know where he is? I have no idea where I'm going in here."

Michelle chuckled at that. "You have no idea how long it took me to get used to this place. It has such a weird layout. Come on, they are in interrogation, talking to your … um … Renee."

Falling in line, Bella followed Michelle through the winding hallways to the back of the building. Michelle led her into a room with a large window so that Bella could watch what was going on. Charlie was supposed to be in the observation room, but they were both surprised to see him through the glass. Not only was he not allowed to be part of the questioning, but neither of them had ever seen such a look of controlled rage on his face. Just as Michelle turned on the speaker, the room filled with the sound of an eerily calm voice.

"I believe what you meant to say was that you left once your ex chose his daughter over you. Isn't that correct?"

With that one question, Bella exhaled a huge breath. Through the years, she had wondered how she ended up in her situation. It seemed so strange for Renee to insist on keeping her when it was obvious to Bella how much Renee hated her. It seemed so obvious now, but she couldn't believe someone would have chosen to love her, chosen to put her first.

"Ch … Charlie?"

Bella watched all of the color drain from Renee's face. Though she always considered herself a good person, watching Renee finally afraid of someone gave Bella a sense of vengeful satisfaction.

"Renee, I believe you need to accurately describe the events of the last day you spent in Forks. Charlie, please sit down." The other man in the room seemed calm on the outside, but Bella could see his leg bouncing and a vein in his forehead twitching.

"Michelle, who is that other man?" Bella felt foolish, but couldn't tear her eyes away from the scene before her.

"That's the Captain. He's running the investigation because no one here wants anything to go wrong when we get to court." Michelle's voice was matter-of-fact and Bella was grateful for her honesty. Bella's next question was cut off as she heard Renee begin to talk.

"Do I have to talk about this?" She looked to the man on her left - who Michelle said was a lawyer – as he nodded at Renee.

"Fine. If you're recording this though, I'm doing this under duress," she huffed.

"I was frustrated. Our life was not what I had planned. _My_ life was not…" she paused, "it doesn't matter. I wanted something _different_."

Charlie let out a disbelieving snort. "Different? You wanted us to get rid of Bella!" He was silenced by the restraining arm of his captain, though Bella could see anger shaking his entire frame.

Renee seemed more agitated with each truth that she revealed and Bella watched in rapture as she watched Charlie cut her mother down to size.

"Is that what you want to hear, Charlie? I was pissed that you picked that girl over me! I was your wife. I should have been your focus. I didn't understand what had you so in love with her. She was _nothing_. She wasn't even our baby! We lost _our_ baby. Bella was just supposed to fill the gap until we healed our relationship."

As Renee spoke, Bella felt herself being cloaked in utter despair, until she finally started going numb. It was as though only her hands pressing on the glass was the only thing holding her up. Everything she had ever known was a lie. Not just a lie, but a violent, unnecessary, unjust falsehood.

"Jesus Christ, Renee! What in the hell are you talking about?" Charlie's rage made his voice nearly vibrate.

She snorted slightly in response. "That girl was like a … a … stopgap or something. I just needed you to see how important _I_ was to you! Then Jimmy could take her back and we would have been free to live our damn lives."

She stopped and shook her head slightly.

"I had always assumed I could have gotten you to follow me anywhere. But you're little fantasy life made you so damn small-minded. So, when you actually choose her over me, I saw red. As far as I am concerned, you can keep that little bitch."

By the time Renee had finished, Bella's face was wet from the stream of tears. She felt as though she had been punched in the chest when the truth came out. Bella suspected her mother never really loved her, but to hear her life described as disposable stunned her. Charlie's angry oath was the last word she heard before running back to the safety of her makeshift bed.

The rest of the day passed in a blur for Bella. It was as though her brain couldn't process the events of the last two days She had found her dad. Renee was in custody, facing multiple charges. Never in her wildest dreams did Bella believe this would happen. Now that the first part of her ordeal was over, Bella was unsure what to do. Hiding, though, comfortable, was no longer needed. Her future lay ahead of her, and she smiled, ready to live in the sun and out of the shadows.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

And the story continues on …

Chapter 17

Her therapist encouraged Victoria to call her parents, but she didn't feel ready to do that. The shame and regret she felt made it impossible for her to believe forgiveness was within her grasp.

With an uncomfortable lack of information, Victoria stared at her laptop screen, sipping a cup of tea.

"The answer is right in front of me, I know it. I have to be missing something obvious," she muttered.

A blaring commercial for the local news shook her out of her blank stare.

"_Coming up at ten o'clock, police speak out about the non-custodial parent kidnapping of high-schooler Tia Benjamin."_

Whipping her head around, the final puzzle piece clicked into place. Typing her sister's name into the search bar, Victoria thought she had found her answer, but sought confirmation.

"_Biers Family Law. How may I direct your call?" _The pleasant, yet bored sounding voice trilled through the phone.

"Yes, James Biers, please."

There was a pause on the other end of the phone, increasing Victoria's anxiety.

"_I'm sorry, but Mr. Biers is no longer working in the office. May I direct you to another associate?"_

Victoria blanched. The only other attorney she knew well was Aro and the prospect of speaking to her ex-father-in-law was both tempting and daunting. After a momentary mulling, she declined.

"No, thank you. Do you happen to know where his new office is? This is more of a personal matter." She felt a flutter of hope in her belly.

"_I'm sorry. He's moved out of state, so we aren't allowed to recommend him any longer as his Arizona license has lapsed."_

She closed her eyes, trying to remember if the article she saw mentioned his current residence, but came up empty. He moved out of state? That bit of information intrigued Victoria. She had no idea why he would have ever left his family. Covering up her confusion, she ended the call.

"Oh, I see. Okay, well, thank you for your time."

"_Have a nice day, ma'am."_

She may not have known where he would have gone, but she understood the need to get out of Phoenix. But that moment was not the time to dwell on that, instead she turned back to her laptop. After a few more keystrokes, she had her answer. All of the evidence was staring out from the small screen. Victoria's brown eyes and James' cheekbones and mouth stared back at her from the face of Renee's kidnapped daughter.

Stunned, Victoria hung her head. _Had she been so blinded by her grief that her own husband lost faith in her? Could he have actually believed Victoria would not have been able to handle the news of Charlie and Renee raising their baby?_ Looking back, it was obvious that James would have turned his back on her; she had become positively evil.

Knowing that she was no longer that person, Victoria buried herself in research. She learned about James and Tanya, and cried when she saw a picture of Jacob. Tears flowed hard and hot down her face as she read about her own parents' deaths. Not being notified or able to go to the joint funeral solidified in her mind just how far she had fallen.

There were never any answers found during her search for Renee. Every page she pulled up and every story she read produced only questions.

_What was Renee thinking?_

_How was my baby–Bella–suffering?_

_How is Charlie dealing with all of this?"_

Before the search for her sister, Victoria would have been happy to know that Renee and Charlie were raising the baby. Not only did she trust them but the baby would have been close to Jane and Alec–Grandma and Grandpa. Now the situation with all of its uncertainties made her sick to her stomach.

For the next few months, the same thoughts ran on a continuous loop in her mind. Every small brunette she saw was her missing daughter-dishwater blondes, her estranged sister. Sitting alone in her living room, she let her mind run. It seemed that just as Victoria would go crazy due to her own imagination, the local news interrupted the television program playing in the background.

"_We have breaking news this afternoon out of Phoenix. The Phoenix Police Department, in conjunction with the FBI, have arrested Renee Jane Swan today. Ms. Swan is being held for the kidnapping of her now seventeen-year-old daughter, along with unlawful confinement and aggravated assault charges. We know that Ms. Swan is wanted in several states including Washington and Texas, however, we are unsure of the exact charges awaiting her in those states. We will keep you updated as we learn more."_

Victoria didn't even notice the shattering of her coffee cup hitting the ground. She stared unblinking at the television though the reporter was long gone. Their voice rang in her ears, mingling with all of the regret she had carried for years. Digging in her desk drawer, she found a neglected legal pad and half-chewed ballpoint pen. Putting ink to paper, Victoria pleaded for forgiveness of her past and begged to be granted a future.

In the past two days, Charlie's life had been turned upside down. Just minutes after he discovered a new lead, Bella walked–well, stumbled–into his office. As if that wasn't enough to make his day, he was also rewarded with Renee's arrest and a showdown for which he spent years preparing.

It was the morning of day two, and he sat across from his daughter in a booth at the diner across from the station. His confrontation with Renee lasted long into the night, and he knew both he and Bella needed a substantial meal.

"I thought we could swing by your house–get your clothes. Move you in with me, if that's okay."

Sudden shyness forced his eyes down to his hash browns while he spoke to Bella. Two days of seeing her sad eyes wore heavily on his heart. No kid should be as sad as she was. When Bella still hadn't answered, he finally met her eyes-eyes that were bright, but holding unshed tears. She chewed her food, but the action looked robotic as though she were so lost in thought, food was an afterthought.

With an unsure smile, eventually, she nodded. "Uh, can we go back? It's not all covered in yellow tape, or anything? I mean, I'd hate to hamper the investigation or anything."

Charlie laughed out loud.

"Swan!"

At hearing Captain Lee Stevens' voice, Charlie sobered and flagged down the flustered man.

"What's up, Cap? Renee's still …" He wasn't sure what he was going to say, so he just let his voice trail off.

"Everything there is fine. No trouble at all, in fact. This came by courier about a half hour ago," he said as he thrust a letter-sized envelope into Charlie's hand.

"Okay?"

"No return address, x-rays are clear. It's addressed to you." Though at first Charlie thought the captain was concerned, it became clear he was also intrigued by the mysterious piece of mail.

Charlie took the proffered envelope with anticipation tainted with wariness. Swallowing the nervousness, he winked at Bella in encouragement.

"I feel like I'm being served, but this sure doesn't look legal, does it?"

Though the captain had studied the envelope back at the station, Charlie watched as he took it back and glanced at it again.

"Nah, it's not legal, but I have no idea what it is. Which is why I came right over."

Charlie noticed his eyes wandered involuntarily to the counter.

With a chuckle, Charlie responded. "Hm hm. I'm sure this trip had nothing to do with Martha's pie."

The sound of the ripping envelope seemed to echo in the booth, and Charlie's face turned from anticipation to confusion as he read the enclosed piece of paper

"It's instructions," he stated, slightly confused. Desert Christian Fellowship, 1445 West Northern Avenue. Six p.m." Turning the paper around, he looked at the empty back. "It doesn't say anything else."

The men looked at each other and shrugged. Before Charlie could open his mouth though, the captain spoke up.

"You've got your orders, Swan. See you tomorrow, I guess. Let me know what you discover." Stevens nodded toward the letter, turned on his heel, and left.

Even after five years, she still felt butterflies at every meeting. However, she knew that this meeting was much more important than all the other meetings combined. She hoped Charlie would come, but was too afraid to look up to confirm. Swallowing down her nerves, she stood up and headed to the podium in front of the new group.

"My name is Victoria and I'm an addict."

The comforting murmurs of welcome settled her stomach with their familiarity. This routine kept her sane, kept her sober, and kept her moving forward.

"I wish I could stand here and tell you to blame my parents, or a bad upbringing. It would be easy to say I succumbed to peer pressure as a teen. But, those would be lies."

Taking a deep breath, Victoria began her tale.

"I had a wonderful life–adoring husband, promising career and a beautiful daughter. James and Riley completed me in a way I didn't know I needed. Our lives weren't perfect, but we were so happy." She choked on the last word; happiness seemed so foreign to her now.

"Then Riley got sick. It was just a cold–at least that's what we thought. She couldn't seem to kick it, though. Jim and I took her to the doctor, expecting something like pneumonia. Scary, yes, but treatable. We never, ever even considered cancer. She fought so valiantly, but seeing her having to struggle to live drove me to blur and cross lines. So many lines."

Tears that had been pooling in her eyes started running freely down her face. It had been years since she wiped her face while telling her story, though. The tears were trophies of her battles and she wore them with pride now.

"I got pregnant. Jim was over the moon. He had always wanted more kids. I, on the other hand, had other plans. I needed a viable bone marrow donor. I became so focused on my dying daughter, I completely convinced myself that the baby in my belly didn't matter."

A harsh, bitter laugh escaped as she shifted her weight, the guilt still heavy to carry.

"Cancer robbed me of my little girl, and my own blindness robbed me of another. The baby wasn't a match and I couldn't deal with that. I'm pretty sure that was the day I lost my Jim, too. He put the baby up for adoption at my insistence, and I never saw her again."

She took a deep breath and paused before continuing.

"Jim served me divorce papers at the funeral. At the time, I was livid–absolutely pissed–but not for the right reasons. I hated him for being able to escape. I felt like there was no way out for me. Night after night I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling just thinking about…"

Victoria trailed off. Looking out at the crowd, she saw tears and supportive faces. She loved that there was never any pity; just understanding.

"I needed help. I needed _sleep_. So, I went to my doctor and get sleeping pills."

Picking at the podium, she let another little snort escape.

"You can imagine what happened next," she prodded the crowd. There was a burst of affirmative murmurs and nods.

"The oblivion of dreamless sleep was the only thing that brought me any peace. I got lost in that feeling of serenity. I slept for about a week, knowing–but not caring–that I was running out of bereavement time from work. It occurred to me while I was awake that real life was still happening outside of my bedroom, but I was happy in my drugged-up denial.

Going back to work was … exhausting. I went back to the doctor. This time I got some uppers to get through the day. This chemical routine helped me to float through the tatters of my life. I continued on like that for years. Once the drugs stopped working, so did I. Getting fired from a job that I actually loved should have been eye-opening, but it wasn't."

Shaking her head sadly, she paused. Agreeing with the murmuring crowd, she spoke again.

"I needed to get out of Phoenix. I emptied my back account, packed up my clothes and all of the food that would travel, and drove. In Vegas, I obtained some cocaine to keep me going. That got me to L.A. Finding the 'seedy underbelly,' she grinned as she made air quotes with her hands. "Well, that was pretty easy. For the next year, I managed to keep a job–and my habit hidden. Then it kind of went to shit. I saw a news story about my sister kidnapping her own daughter! I got sober after that, intent on helping with the search. That lasted about six months before I started using again. I am ashamed to admit that I don't remember much of the next five years."

Taking a sip of her now-cold coffee, Victoria braced herself for the hardest part of her story.

"I hit bottom while surrounded by my own vomit in an alley. The afternoon before, I found my husband on the internet during my afternoon library time and I lost my shit. He had just had a baby with his new wife. Jim was able to move on and do so happily. They looked _so_ in love, and just … blissfully _normal_. He was living. What was I doing? Huffing and hooking. But to _know _he could do it made me realize that I could too. I could, and would, sober up and live again."

With a triumphant grin, she let new tears of joy run down her face. It had taken years for Victoria to put herself back together and get past her rage. The only anger left was self-directed. When she had the chance to gain a loving daughter, she had callously thrown it away and lost two children instead of one. It wasn't until after the dust settled with her recovery, though, that she had begun to see the errors of her ways.

"With the success of sobriety under my belt, I finally felt brave enough to move back to Phoenix. To truly move on, I needed to go back to the place where it all began and start over again. With help, I got an apartment, and after explaining the entire situation to my old boss, I managed to get my old job back. Once settled in I began to research the adoption. James had done an exceptional job sealing the records. And though I had no real answers, I just kept having this unnamable niggling in the back of my head."


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Complete Summary**:_ Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match, Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

**This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason**

And the story continues on …

Chapter Eighteen

Charlie sat, dumbstruck. He had never heard, or even imagined, her side of the story. Less obviously, though, he didn't think James had heard it, either. The fact that she already used pharmaceuticals before the divorce did surprise him, though. With a mirthless chuckle, he realized with a start that it should not have been the case. After Bella was taken, he would have happily lost every day to booze.

Bringing his coffee cup to his mouth, he pulled it away quickly once the cold liquid hit his lips. As his brain rifled through Vicky's story, his eyes registered that others were taking the pulpit. He assumed they spoke, but heard nothing but the sad tale of his ex-sister-in-law repeating.

"Thanks for coming, Charlie." Victoria's quiet voice was nearly drowned out by the squeak of chair on the linoleum.

"Huh?" Charlie looked up into a face he hadn't seen in five years. "Oh, Vicky. Hi." When his hand reached up to his neck, he knew any chance of hiding his nerves was gone.

Lost was her gall and bravado of years past, instead replaced with slumped shoulders and downcast eyes.

"I heard about Renee and Bella. I'm so sorry. Knowing that I couldn't care for her didn't mean I wanted harm to come to the baby. You have to know that even with all of my anger back then, I could have never wished her to suffer." Her voice wavered, and she wrung her hands in worry.

Charlie motioned for her to sit next to him before he responded. It was a short respite, but the action helped him to collect his confused thoughts.

"I can honestly say I didn't understand your actions at the time, but now I can appreciate the decision you made more. Though, if I am being honest, I don't know if I could separate a child from a willing parent."

His gaze was meant to ensure Vicky understood not only his empathy, but also his disappointment and anger.

Nodding sadly, she looked at Charlie's face. Her scrutiny may have bothered him several years ago, but now, she no longer intimidated the veteran cop.

It seemed that while time bolstered his confidence and determination, it served to wither those attributes in Victoria. She sat patiently as he continued to scrutinize her.

"Can I see her?" The quiet, nervous request caught Charlie completely off guard.

"Bella? Absolutely _not_." In addition to the strong head shake, protectiveness rang out through each syllable.

"No, not her. I know she's not ready for that, and frankly, neither am I. I meant Renee."

"You want to see Renee? Can I ask why?" The conversation was not going the way Charlie expected, and he didn't like to be caught unaware by anyone.

With a small shrug and a wry grin, Victoria simply responded, "She's my sister."

It wasn't until after Charlie agreed to let Victoria visit Renee that he remembered the phone call he made earlier in the week.

_Bella was finally asleep. Though it was nearly eleven at night, his fingers itched to pick up his phone. He wished Jane would have been able to soothe his frazzled nerves. Damn drunk drivers, stupid shits._ _Instead, he called the only other person who had been on his side since that fateful day._

"_Hullo?" Charlie could hear the sleep in James' voice but couldn't be bothered at that moment._

"_Jimmy. Did I wake you up?"_

"_Uh, yeah. What time is it?" James asked, but Charlie barreled forward before James could say another word._

"_I've got her, Jimmy. Bella. I'm looking at her right now. Renee's in jail." Blowing out a large gust of air, he spoke again. "My heart's come home, man."_

_He heard some commotion in the background. Once the noise settled, James started talking and sounding much more awake._

"_Are you shitting me right now? That's amazing! You must have so many questions. I know I do. We're coming down. I have to get some cases in order, and Tanya will need to clear her schedule, but we'll be there."_

_A smile took over Charlie's face. "Call me when you get in. I'll swing by your hotel, and we can all go celebrate."_

"_Deal. Congrats, man. Seriously."_

_After hanging up the phone, he took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. He had dealt with far too many emotions in the last few days to truly enjoy his reunion In fact, he was even too exhausted to get himself and Bella to his apartment. After kissing her forehead and whispering his love, Charlie covered her with a blanket. Grabbing on of the spare blankets, he curled up on the other couch and fell asleep with a satisfied smile on his face._

On the day Victoria was due to arrive, Charlie found himself monitoring the front door to the station. Looking up every time the door opened started to get old until he looked into the face of his friend, James Biers.

"_Oh, shit."_

That single thought occupied Charlie's mind as he embraced both Tanya and James.

"Hey guys. I'm surprised you came down here. I thought we would meet at your hotel? And weren't you going to call?"

With a huge answering smile, Tanya responded, "We were a little excited, I guess. It's time to celebrate, Charlie!"

Even his concern about the upcoming drama wasn't a big enough wall to stop his enthusiasm. "You're right about that." He stopped talking and turned his focus on getting them out of the lobby, or even better, the whole police station.

"I have a couple of things to do around here, so why don't you wait in the break room? In fact, if you're hungry, the diner across the street is great." He hoped his voice didn't give away his impatience at getting them out of there. He just needed to get them out before Victoria showed up to visit Renee.

James looked at Tanya and seemed to be asking her opinion with his eyes. She smiled, nodded and looked at Charlie.

"Food sounds great, thanks, Charlie." She grabbed her husband's hand and turned toward the door. Charlie watched in horror as the two things he hoped would _not_ happen did occur: the front doors opened, revealing a very nervous redhead, and James' eyes met those of his ex-wife.

"_You can plan a pretty picnic," _thought Charlie.

He opened his mouth to apologize but closed it as he saw the look in James' eyes. Though Charlie didn't see the rage he expected. There was only confusion and hurt.

"Charlie…?"

The question went unasked, but Charlie's guilt over the subterfuge prevented him from staying silent. "She's reached out. Wanted to talk to Renee. And before you ask, no, she doesn't want to talk to Bella. Yet. I haven't decided about what to do if she decides to anyway. But there are a lot of things I learned about her yesterday, Jimmy. Time changed all of us."

He had been prepared for James to enter 'lawyer mode.' What he didn't expect was to render his friend speechless. James stood slack-jawed, looking back and forth from Victoria to Charlie. Tanya reached out to help James find his center again. With a nod to Charlie, she whispered in her husband's ear. Though Charlie didn't know what she said, it seemed to work. With one last meaningful glance, James turned and left, paying no attention to his ex-wife.

Turning his attention to Victoria, Charlie gestured for her to follow. "C'mon, I'll show you to your sister."

Though he didn't want to intrude, the cop in him was exceedingly curious about what Victoria had to say to Renee. Hoping to glean anything useful out of the conversation, he decided to stay.

_This was _not_ part of the plan, _thought Renee.

Staring at the four brick walls, she shuddered. She only allowed herself to cry at night. There was no way she would let these assholes think they have broken her.

"Alright, Swan, you have a visitor."

Her brows puckered in confusion. _Who would be here for her?_

Having never felt so pathetic in her life, Renee simply nodded and allowed the officer to frisk and cuff her.

Shuffling into the interrogation room, her eyes nearly bugged out. "I…I don't want to answer any more questions without my lawyer."

She tried to sound confident and defiant, but she knew the jig was up when her voice quivered like that.

The uniformed officer looked at her blandly. "Yes, we know. You've said that. This is a visitor. We just don't have any other open rooms." His voice left no room for argument due to the unhidden annoyance, so she didn't say anything.

When she looked up at the opening door, she became incredibly confused. The woman looked like she could have been Renee's sister, but by all accounts, Victoria was dead. Rather, Renee immediately assumed she was some sad public defender raised her hackles.

"Can I help you?" Renee decided to not hide the disdain she felt for everything and target it all to this stranger.

"Hi, Neenee," the woman said with a slight smile as she grabbed the chair across the table from Renee.

Her sister was the only person who ever called her that. It started as a joke because the "r" sound was hard for Renee as a little girl. After that, it evolved into a nickname for the younger sister. Hearing the name again brought back years of pain and resentment that came with living in the shadow of Victoria.

"Can I help you? I've already told the cops that I will not answer any questions, so if you are here in any legal capacity, you can get the hell out."

With a sigh, the woman looked at Renee. It felt unsetting for her to be so studied. The bitch had the nerve to laugh at Renee.

"You really don't recognize me? It's me, Vicky."

"Ha." Renee barked out a laugh. "Yeah, no you're not. She's dead."

Shaking her head sadly, Victoria rubbed her forehead.

"I got lost for many years after… Well, I got lost. But I'm not dead, and I'm here because I want some answers from my sister."

Renee paled and swallowed hard. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about, _sister."_

"Look, I'm not here to play games, and I'm not here for a classic Renee pity party. What the hell did you do to that baby? Why would you take her away from Charlie? _He_ was the reason James called you, you know. _He_ was the one that was meant to raise her. You were just … there. So, again, I ask you. What the hell were you thinking?"

Taking a deep breath, Renee channeled all of her hatred for everything Victoria stood for and the life she stole from her.

"Listen here, you self-righteous bitch. No one asked you to produce spawn for your _perfect little girl_. No one asked you to have your husband call me with some pity adoption because you 'couldn't handle' _life_. Just like you, I did what I needed to do for me. So, if you are finished, that's all of the answer you're going to get out of me." Standing up, she went to knock on the door.

"We're done in here. Take me back to my cell."

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Charlie's voice caught Bella off-guard, causing her to jump at his question.

Bella opted to stay at the station while Charlie attended Victoria's AA meeting as she knew nothing about her aunt. After years of being forced to be in the spotlight while in the hospital, she was enjoying hiding from the world in the conference room he claimed for her while they got everything with Renee sorted out. Aside from at breakfast, she found it nearly impossible to speak to him. She knew her voice would betray all the fear she tried to hide.

After hours of furiously writing in a notebook, Bella's brain was still in overdrive. Still unable to wrap her head or written words around what Renee said in interrogation. Her mouth began to move before she decided to make it do so.

"Was I adopted?"

In all of the excitement and chaos of his reunion with Bella, it hadn't dawned on Charlie that he had no idea what to do with a teenage girl. Not to mention an observant, smart girl like Bella. If he hadn't known before, that one question solidified the idea that she was not a typical teenager. Her voice had no anger, no sadness in it, simply curiosity. The fact that she rarely spoke to him led him to believe that she kept her cards close to her vest, but the hand she just showed him knocked him for a loop. Swallowing reflexively, he pulled out a chair before answering. Unable to look Bella in the eyes, he ran his finger along the edge of the table. Mustering his courage, he turned his eyes to her pleading face.

"Yes."

Bella had assumed Renee said that to torture Charlie; turns out it just tortured Bella. Unable to contain the confusion and anger any longer, the questions she had been contemplating came spewing out. It seemed that her chair couldn't contain her either, as she pushed up and paced as her mouth ran just as quickly as her feet.

"Why adopt a baby just to treat it the way she treated me? Why would you search for me if I'm not really even your kid? Why pick me if the only emotion I would ever know was hate? I don't understand, Charlie. And no matter how much I try to, all I get are more questions." She realized how loud her voice had gotten and felt a blush creep over her cheeks and neck.

Now that the questions were out in the air, fear clawed her burning throat and tears welled in her eyes. The problem with all of the questions was Bella's fear of the answers. She had built Renee up to an evil mastermind and liar. Her dream dad was a lost soul searching for his missing baby girl. Over the last few days, it was obvious Charlie did care, but why?

With a huff, she looked at Charlie again.

"I guess the big question is _why_?"

After watching her wallow and get lost in her head for days, Charlie was taken aback by her outburst. He wanted to laugh at the absurdity of Bella's questions but instead covered it with a small cough and a shrug.

"Blood or ink, Bella, it doesn't matter. I helped raise you when you were a baby, and you will always be my little girl."

Bella stared at him for a beat, and he tried to let his eyes convey his emotions. It seemed to work as she nodded curtly and dropped the subject.

They spent the rest of the morning at the station. Charlie wanted to ensure Renee was transferred to County before taking Bella back to her apartment. Collecting her things was going to be hard enough on Bella without her worrying about Renee's situation as well. Poking his head into the conference room where Bella set up camp, his excitement was palpable.

"Well, Renee is on her way, so I thought we could get a late lunch and get out of here. It's about time we went home."

The lunch she tolerated just hours earlier sat in Bella's stomach like a rock. Charlie had been wonderful to her, but she was beginning to feel uncomfortable with all he stood for. Bella had never had a real parent, or home, or life and the idea of stability was daunting. Life with Renee may have been painful and full of mistrust, but it was one to which she had become accustomed. She tried to hide her fears, especially after the verbal diarrhea of the day before, but her nerves and cheeks were aflame as Charlie opened the door to her new apartment.

She watched as he moved his hand to her back before pausing and retracting it. Rather, he cleared his throat nervously before speaking.

"Welcome home, kiddo."

Those simple words brought the last few days into sharp focus. That impulse to find Charlie ended up changing her entire life. Bile hit the back of her throat as she took in the bare white walls. Thinking of life as a nomad, not having "things" never bothered her before. The novelty of the move and the new place was missing this time. Fear wrenched her gut as she picked up her bag. These bare walls and spartan furnishings brought tears to her eyes. With tears bouncing off of her cheeks, her new life became clear.

Renee was officially charged and awaiting trial because she would admit no wrongdoing. Bella wanted to believe that Renee couldn't hurt her again. Charlie tried to assure her of that, but only time would tell.

After the apartment had been toured, Bella's new bedroom rearranged, and her meager belongings unpacked, she sat on her new bed. The quiet of the room gave her time to think, and those thoughts turned to Charlie. His decision to let Bella get settled without hovering made her so much more comfortable in her new space. She smiled at the idea of her own bedroom where she could have a modicum of privacy.

Hearing a noise, she jumped and faced the doorway where she saw a grinning Charlie. Though he looked happy, she was well aware of the wariness she caused him. After all, it had been thirteen years he was truly a dad

"Hey, Bella. How's it going?"

"Um…good, thanks. This room is great." Nerves flared again as she spoke.

"We'll go shopping later to get you some more personal sheets and stuff. But first, I was hoping you would be willing to get some dinner with me."

"Oh, yeah. Dinner sounds good." She felt so unsure how to proceed with this relationship. It had been fairly easy to ignore Charlie at the station, but being under the same roof was going to make that a much harder task to achieve.

"I have to admit that we won't be dining alone, if that's okay. There's someone I want you to meet."


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Complete Summary: **_Born to help her dying sister. Forced into adoption when she was not a match. Bella Swan grew up in an abusive home, spending most of her childhood thinking she was dying. Now life has given her a second chance. Can she manage to live by her own standards, or will her history define her future?_

****This story will contain images and descriptions of abuse. If that is a trigger, or you prefer not to read about that, I understand. This is rated Mature for a reason****

**I wish I had a valid excuse for the absurd length of time it took me to get this chapter out, but I don't. I hope you're still with me. And to all of the new readers since my last update, welcome!**

**Chapter Nineteen**

Dread slithered down her spine and settled into Bella's stomach at the mere thought of more strangers. Between Charlie, everyone down at the police station, and yet another new school, it was almost impossible to entertain the idea of more awkward silences and stilted conversation.

"I was on the phone with my friend James earlier, and he and his wife want to meet you. They want you to meet their son. What do you say? You want to meet them?" She watched as the normally taciturn man lit up from the inside and even spoke with his hands, so overwhelmed by excitement.

The fear lurched up from Bella's stomach and paralyzed her tongue, causing her to only be able to shakily shrug her shoulders in indifference.

Looking at her hands to gather some courage, Bella shook her head before responding in a whisper, "Why do I have to meet anyone, like, ever again?"

Rubbing his eyebrows in disheartened exhaustion, Charlie responded, "Well, James is your biological father, but more importantly, he is and has been my best friend for years. I mean…" he paused and shrugged before continuing, "he's going to be around." Bella's quick intake of breath stopped Charlie from saying anything else.

"My biological father? Will my biological mother be there, too? Ch…Dad, I don't know if I can do this."

With an awkwardness found only in fathers around their teenage girls, Charlie reached around Bella's shoulders and pulled her into a one-armed hug.

"Bella, honey, your biological mother will not be there. She and Jimmy split up years ago. In fact, none of us even knew she was alive until your story made the national news. Remember when I went to your aunt's AA meeting?"

Bella nodded into the comforting shoulder of the obviously uncomfortable man.

"That was your biological mother, Renee's sister. So yes, you are adopted, and I can't imagine this will make you feel better, but Renee is your biological aunt. Jimmy and I met through our wives and we stayed in touch long after our respective marriages failed. When you eavesdropped on their conversation at the station, Victoria was telling Renee the truth. Jimmy wanted you to be with _me_. Everything just spiraled out of control when Renee lost her damn mind."

Tears flowed earnestly down Bella's face at both the horror that she was, in fact, related to Renee and because she had just gotten some reassurance that she had been loved and wanted, even if not by the woman that had kept her all of these years. Borrowing some of the unending strength that Charlie exuded, Bella finally spoke.

"You promise they aren't going to hurt me? I know you've said…but I just…I'm so… just _so_ damn scared."

His mouth dropped at her quiet question, then as he registered the rest of her words, his heart broke. It was the same confession that accompanied every crippling panic attack, and sadness tore through him as he saw hopeless desolation swimming in his daughter's eyes. That sadness, however, quickly turned to rage as he realized he might never understand the depths of the trauma Bella suffered at the hands of his ex-wife.

With steely determination and a gentleness that belied his true feelings, he simply tried to reassure his daughter. "No, sweetie. As long as I'm around, I won't let anyone hurt you again."

Charlie gently placed his fingers under his daughter's chin, raising her face to look into his eyes. "Baby, I love you. James loves you. He, well, _none_ of us suspected Renee would ever be so cruel. I think he just wants to see you with his own eyes, prove to himself you're safe and sound. And I think it's safe to say after the trial, we won't ever see Victoria again. He has a new wife, Tanya, and she's lovely. They have a little boy, Jacob, and he's excited to meet his 'La.' You don't have to stay in contact with them if you're uncomfortable, but please try today."

A small smile crossed her lips. "La?" she asked.

Letting out an almost embarrassed laugh, Charlie knew he had a small admission to make. "Yeah, we never stopped talking about you. Jacob knows I'm a daddy, too, but that my daughter wasn't with me. He was bound and determined to help us find you."

He watched as her wide eyes close. When they opened again, they clouded over with an unnamed emotion. Charlie hoped it was resolve and not the numbness he had seen time and time again in abuse victims, but he couldn't be sure. Charlie had every intention of helping her to see just how strong she had been and could feel again.

"I'll be there the whole time. No one is going to hurt you again." Charlie tried to sound encouraging, and he knew he succeeded in some measure when he watched Bella take a deep breath and nod. "They'll be here in about an hour, just to let you know."

"Okay. Do you mind if I go to my room until they get here?" She felt shame at the need to be alone, but she could already feel the pressure building behind her eyes and needed to get out of that room.

"Not at all, go." He smiled softly as he wandered into the living room, giving her some space.

His reasons for wanting her to meet these people seemed on the up and up, but Renee had never wanted her to meet anyone except new doctors and Eric, and even he was one of the only people she'd ever met twice. Even thinking his name made Bella shudder. Her breathing started quickening, walls started closing in on her, and black spots starting dancing in front of her eyes. Charlie's face appeared and then blurred. Trying to catch her breath, she began rocking back and forth in an effort to physically push air into and out of her lungs. It was the same feeling she had every time Renee told her they were going to the hospital again.

She cried out as hands grabbed her shoulders. These hands weren't hurting her, though. They felt soothing as they began to gently rub her back. Slowly the haze cleared as she focused on the fact that she felt safe in the arms of another person for the first time in years.

"There you are. Just keep breathing, honey. You're doing great, Bells. I'm so proud of you. _So_ proud. Let me call Jimmy and have them come tomorrow. I don't want you to be so upset. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm okay. I'm probably going to freak out a little when they get here, anyway. I'll just make sure to take one of the pills the police psychiatrist gave me before they show up. Please, don't put them out. I've agreed. Can we just do this?"

As they walked out onto the stoop, Bella felt the familiar tremor of fear again. It only took a moment for her hands to start shaking and her breath become more ragged. She knew she needed to hold it together; the last thing Bella wanted was for Charlie to be even more worried about her. As discreetly as possible, she dug into her pocket for the little white pills that have been her savior since she left Renee's apartment. Trapping it under her tongue, she allowed the numbing sensation to spread throughout her body. Able to breathe again, she tried again to look forward. Succeeding, she was surprised to see the two adults in the driveway appear just as nervous as she felt. _Maybe this won't turn out so bad after all. _

As the handsome couple approached, Bella watched as James' face went from nervousness to disbelief to undisguised relief.

James' mouth formed a word and it looked like her name, but she couldn't hear the words. Bella watched as his face and body crumpled. Tears were streaming down James' cheeks. Bella was grateful as she watched Tanya soothe her husband's sobs, but surprised when Charlie jumped off the steps and trapped the couple in a huge hug. It wasn't until that moment that Bella realized the only other person not crying was peeking out from behind his mother's legs. Choosing to meet the child, rather than confront the distraught adults, she squatted down and crooked her finger to the little boy.

"Hey. You're Jacob, right?"

"La?"

Without meaning to, Bella let an amused chuckle slip.

"Yeah, I'm Bella. Hi."

"Hi." Jacob smiled shyly before squealing out with laughter and singing while doing a funny little toddler dance. "Found you! Found you!"

Neither of them noticed they had become the center of attention during their brief interaction. Once the tension had been broken, the rest of the day was surprisingly pleasant for Bella. She thoroughly enjoyed hearing James and Charlie swap stories, and though trusting Tanya was difficult, it was obvious she was a devoted, loving mother. Jacob thrived under her attention and while it warmed Bella's heart to see, there was a part that of her, one she wished she could ignore, that was dangerously envious of the little boy.

The idea of the cozy apartment being _home_ was getting easier for her to understand and enjoy. School was hard for her, but she blended into the crowd easily and only had problems when her face was flashed on the news, but even that was getting better. Plus, it made time fly. The trial date had been set shortly after Renee's arrest, and there weren't any new developments being released to the public. Not that Bella ever allowed herself to think about any of that while awake. She spent enough time dreaming about it at night.

She used denial as an armor to survive. She threw herself into housework and school. Her grades were better than they ever had been, although her attention span at anything was about ten minutes. When home, she made sure the dishes were always done, the laundry folded and put away, including perfectly pressed police uniforms and suits for Charlie. Hot breakfasts were served promptly, and hot dinners always waiting for Charlie as he walked in the door after work. After dinner, the dishes were immediately washed and put away, homework was done and she was in bed and quiet by ten o'clock every night. Every morning, she would deny the wet pillowcases were from tears, or the wrinkled sheets from tossing and turning instead of sleeping.

One night at supper, she watched determination steel Charlie's features. "Bells?" Charlie's eyes were wary, but his voice even more so.

"Yeah, Dad?" Her voice still cracked when calling him "dad;" it just felt so unnatural after years of never saying the word.

"How are you doing?"

Surprise made her eyebrows jump before she could school her features. "I'm fine."

"Are you? I mean, I'm proud of how well you're doing in school, and I love that you take such good care of me, but that's not your job, hun." Charlie had put his fork down, moving his hands under the table. By the movements of his arms, it was obvious he was wringing his hands.

"Of course, but what do you mean 'that's not my job'?" Her eyebrow puckered in confusion at the thought. She even used her fingers to make quotes, like some kind of dork. "I don't understand."

She heard Charlie mutter something under his breath, but she couldn't make out what he said. "Bella." He started to speak before thinking better of it. Rather, he got out of his chair and made his way to kneel by his daughter's side before starting again. "Bella. You are a kid. You're _my_ kid, which means it's _my_ job to take care of _you_, not the other way around. I don't know what Renee said to you, but you don't have to earn your keep. I just want you to do well in school and be happy."

"Happy?" No matter how hard she may have tried, the derisive snort escaped her nose as she said the word. "Yeah, okay. Happy. I'll try, Dad."

"You promise?" He grabbed her hands and held them in his warm ones. When she didn't answer, he ducked his head down to catch her eyes, forcing her large sad brown eyes to look into his worried matching ones.

When the lie and ensuing guilt caught in her throat, she forced them out with a quiet cough. "Yeah, I promise." She'd never wished more than that day to be a bad liar, but she lived with Renee for too long not to pick up a bad habit or two.

Over the next week, she let the laundry sit for more than a day and only cleaned the house twice. It felt strange to be praised for falling behind in the housework, but if it made Charlie happy, then she would continue in that strange routine. Neither of them expected to be comfortable, but it worked for the Swans. Bella imagined Charlie was in no way prepared to be a father, nor having a regular schedule. She noticed he did struggle at first to remember to be home for supper or to pick her up from school. However, after a couple of weeks, he seemed to become dependable in a way she had never encountered.

She sat at the dining room table with her algebra untouched in front of her, frustration nibbling away her concentration, forcing her to walk away from it. Hoping a snack would get her in the frame of mind to finish her homework, she made her way to the fridge. With a quick glance at the contents, Bella grabbed a coke and slammed the door shut. As her eyes swept over the calendar, the can fell to the floor.

It had been three months to the day since the tear-filled reunion of father and daughter. Twelve weeks since she took control of her own life. Ninety days of making a new life for herself, nights full of both nightmares of the past and dreams for the future. Memories suddenly flashed before her eyes.

_After three days of hiding out in the station, Bella found herself riding in an unmarked police car with Charlie – going home. Home. The word seemed strange and stuck to her tongue like peanut butter. She never had a place she called home. It was always just "the apartment." She was too nervous to ask Charlie about his place, but realized she was just content to be with him – and out of that station! With a flourish, he gestured to the small apartment he called home since he moved to Phoenix. Bella felt terrible when he mistook her awe for discomfort and started trying to justify his home. _

"_I know it's not much, my house in Forks is bigger, though Phoenix has grown on me, I guess. I hope you can make it your own."_

"_I love it, Ch – Dad. It's great, really. I'm just, well, overwhelmed I guess." She shot her nervous father a watery smile and asked for a tour._

Charlie only let her sleep in that room one night before he redecorated and refurnished it. Not only that, but he asked her opinion and listened to her choices.

_Bella watched as Charlie pulled the masking tape off of the newly painted walls. The buttery yellow color made her heart warm and pulled a smile from her reluctant lips. In the last few days, Charlie had made her feel more loved and cared for than Renee had in the last thirteen years. The walls looked beautiful with the new oak desk and matching bedroom set that now filled the room. She really didn't want him to spend that much money, but he looked so happy, so she kept her mouth shut and smiled._

Whatever she was thinking caused collected tears to fall over her eyelids, running quickly down her cheeks. Though she didn't really notice them, Charlie did. Unaware he had even come home, she was oblivious to him standing in the doorway, watching his daughter get so lost in her thoughts. He had no idea what she was thinking so hard about, but it was obvious the thoughts were starting to upset her. Walking over to her, he gently used his thumbs to wipe the tears off of Bella's face, causing her to finally notice him.

"Hi, Dad. I didn't know you were home. Are you hungry? Can I get you anything?"

Charlie frowned. Even after endless conversations, she still treated him as though she was a servant.

"No. I want you to tell me what's got you thinking so hard, what's got you crying, Kid. Please. Please talk to me, Bella."

He continued to stroke her cheeks with his thumbs, and the calming sensation allowed her to nod her head, even though she couldn't look Charlie in the eye.

With a huff, she turned her head away and focused on the fast-moving clouds in the sky.

"I was remembering, I guess. It's been three months – today." Looking at Charlie for the first time, she managed to make eye contact.

"Did you know that?" Charlie could only respond by shaking his head in the negative.

"Yeah, me either. I didn't realize it until I looked at the calendar."

"Are those happy tears?" He wasn't sure if they were, but he hoped they were.

"Yeah, but… well, I've been thinking, Dad. I think maybe therapy is a good idea. I know I have to face Renee at the trial," she gulped around that word before continuing. "And, I don't know if I can do it without help."

"And I'm tired of being broken." She murmured the last part as shame colored her face bright red.

_Therapy. They had been home for a week when Charlie brought it up, and it was obvious the idea terrified Bella. Charlie had told her he wanted to make sure she felt "safe." Bella opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, but no sound ever came out, making her look like a fish out of water. Bella shook her head at him instead and simply refused. He shook his head, discouraged, but let the matter drop. _

_Bella knew he would revisit the issue, but she was glad for the reprieve. After the topic was officially closed, she ran to her room where she began to pace the floor as fast as the questions raced through her head. _

_Did Charlie think she was lying about what Renee did? Renee admitted all of the things she had done over the years at the police station. Why did he think Bella needed to rehash her life to a stranger? It wasn't like they would understand what she went through or how she felt about it, so what was the point? She shivered at the idea of some old man sitting behind a big desk with a notebook, scribbling the whole time Bella poured her heart out like some lunatic. The idea of "safe" was stupid. Was anyone ever really safe? If her own mother, albeit adoptive, could torture her the way Renee had done, who could ever claim to be free of danger? _

"I've got the doctor's name in my desk at work. I'll call him tomorrow, okay?" Charlie let out a sigh, and Bella knew it was one of relief for her willingness

"It's a guy? You promise? I'm not really comfortable around women anymore."

"I promise. We'll get through this together. I think maybe we need some joint sessions. You're not the only person Renee's hurt." Bella was surprised at the bitterness lacing Charlie's words.


	21. Chapter 20

**Thank you for your patience. There are no words/words/excuses enough to say how sorry I am that my block lasted this long. Please know if you are still here, you are the reason I'm still here. **

**This is completely unbetaed. All mistakes (there are plenty, I'm sure) are mine. **

Bella was tired. Tired of the endless questions, tired of hearing "how lucky" she was, but most of all, she was tired of Arizona. It seemed as though the very state was draining whatever life she had left. She knew that this meeting was important, but she couldn't help but glare at the cacti and mesas that filled the window to her left.

"Bella? Are you ready?"

Charlie's concerned voice startled back to the present. Clearing her throat, she nodded before answering. "Yes." Even her voice sounded tired.

"Great. Let's get started." Assistant District Attorney Robert Albrook was quite determined to drive her insane, Bella had decided. He told her she needed to be ready for any question the defense could throw at her, but she had no idea how the fact she only owned four pairs of underwear when living with Renee would be relevant in any way. She answered all of the strange and annoying questions he asked her, though, even if they made no sense to Bella. Even Charlie tittered at a few of them, making the unsettling, constant confusion she felt easier to bear. After another hour of this and holding in a huge yawn, Bella finally let it break out.

ADA Albrook looked up from his feverish scribbling to really notice Bella. She could feel the exhaustion seeping of of her pores, so too, it seemed, could the lawyer.

"Okay, go home and get some rest. Opening statements are tomorrow morning and testimony will begin after lunch."

Putting down his pen, he commanded Bella's attention. "Bella, I won't pretend to understand what Renee made you feel, but please try to act more grown-up than you may feel." He looked pointedly at her jeans and Chuck Taylors. She felt his judgment acutely and felt her cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

Without warning, embarrassment gave way to rage. "Don't worry. I will be sure to protect _you_ from any embarrassment, _sir_."

Both men seemed startled by her sudden anger.

"Bells!"

"Miss Swan, that is exactly what I don't want to see you do tomorrow. You need to be composed and control your anger. Tears will be excused by the jury, but rudeness and attitude will hurt our case."

Bella opened her mouth to respond, but Charlie beat her to the punch.

"Now, you listen here. She is completely within her right to be angry and you know it. Don't you think it would look worse if she _didn't_ get a little angry?"

Nonplussed, the attorney scratched at his chin in thought.

"Actually, that's not a bad idea." Looking at Bella, his face softened.

"Sorry, kiddo. Sometimes I forget why I'm here in the first place. If you get angry, just try not to lose control of it, okay?"

With a meek nod and a sigh, she tried to let the anger go.

Walking out of the office, Charlie wrapped his arms around Bella's small shoulders. Stopping at the car, he pulled his daughter to face him. Not knowing what the look on his face meant, Bella gave him all of her attention. "Bella, I know you're tired. Hell, I'm tired, and I've only been watching you deal with all of this. We have one last appointment today and the trial, and then we can get the hell out of this town and start over. Okay?"

Bella felt overcome with love for this man. They had a lot of time to make up for, but for the first time in her life, she knew what it meant to feel safe. "Okay, let's go, Dad. One more Phoenix therapy session. "

Though she hated the idea of therapy, Bella couldn't deny she liked having a person to talk to about who wasn't involved in the case or trial.

"So, Bella, how are you feeling today?" Dr. Charlotte Rand's question would normally make Bella cringe, but today, there was another emotion still stirring in her. "I… I'm pissed off, actually."

Dr. Rand smiled encouragingly. "What has caused you to be so angry?"

"I don't know, actually. I was working with the lawyer, and he said something that just pissed me off. Then I realized that I wouldn't have to do any of this if it wasn't for Renee and I hate her. I hate what she did to me, I hate that we moved so much and I am furious that she stole me from Charlie. I could have been happy, you know?" As the words flew out of her mouth at alarming speed, Bella realized that she was either going to cry or scream. Unable to make a decision, she did both. The tears poured down her face as she let out a heart wrenching scream into a pillow she had grabbed from the couch.

"Bella?" Though her voice was soft, Bella immediately looked at her doctor. "I realize that for you this is unusual, but I want you to know that anger is good. We'll take a short break because I know letting yourself be mad is new for you, but I will tell you about a homework assignment I have for you. I want you to write for one hour each day for the next four days. Just write about why you are angry. Don't censor yourself, and don't think too much. Repeating yourself is fine. This isn't about making it sound good or having a cohesive essay. This is just to recognize your feelings and get them out. Letting yourself voice all of those emotions will be more powerful than you imagine."

With a shaky breath, Bella nodded and agreed to what Charlotte told her. Being angry was never something Renee tolerated, so the feeling was so foreign and overwhelming, she needed time to come to grips with the new emotion. Excusing herself to the bathroom to freshen up, Bella wandered down the hall in a daze. She had always been so scared of the idea of anger, how could it be a good thing? Wasn't Renee always mad, didn't anger cause you to hurt other people? Bella bombarded herself with these questions the entire time she was gone. Her confusion must have been clear, because Dr. Rand wasted no time addressing the issue.

"What are you thinking, Bella?"

"I'm not… I don't…um. Okay, so if anger is good, where is the line? Wasn't Renee mad? How mad is too mad? How can just one emotion lead to so many bad things if it's supposed to be good? I don't understand, like, at all." Even though Bella had done nothing but talked since she was reunited with Charlie, getting out those few questions felt like the most she'd ever said.

"Bella, you're smart and I think you already know the answers to a lot of the questions in your head. To answer those, I would say the line is acting on the rage. It's one thing to feel anger, but quite another to put action to those thoughts, wouldn't you say?"

Though Dr. Rand was consoling rather than condescending, Bella couldn't help but be slightly abashed. "Yeah, I hear you, but I've never even asked myself those questions before. How did I just accept her behavior as normal? What is _wrong_ with _me_?"

Tears again ran down her reddened face as the question hung in the air. It seemed as though Dr. Rand was either contemplating the answer, or waiting for Bella to have some sort of revelation. For a few uncomfortable minutes, no one spoke.

Bella watched as Dr. Rand put her notebook down and pulled the chair closer to the couch where the young girl felt so much younger than she did just minutes before.

"Bella, I realize that you may not see yourself as a kid, but you are very much still just that, a child. Renee's child, in fact. There isn't anything wrong with you in regards to the abuse you suffered. _You_ were the child, _she_ was the adult. She took advantage of that position in more ways than I've ever personally or professionally dealt with before. You are not at all to blame for being a victim, Bella. You didn't know any better because Renee had been abusing you for so long. Do you understand?"

With her head hanging in her lap, Bella did feel very much like a little kid in that moment. Though she understood what the doctor was saying, the chastising tone made Bella instinctively cringe. She felt, rather than saw Charlotte sit down on the couch next to her and grab Bella's hands in her warm, soft ones.

"Just remember that, okay. You are the victim, Bella. You are a survivor. You didn't ask to be abused, and you didn't deserve it."

With a reassuring squeeze, Dr. Rand let go of Bella's hands and settled back into her chair. "Now. Let's talk about that anger. I have a homework assignment."

Ten minutes later, Bella left the office with a new journal, an assignment that seemed impossible, but without a small bit of the weight of her guilt.

Eight in the morning had never felt so early to Charlie before. He knew Bella wasn't ready for the trial, but was proud of her for attending in spite of her fear. He watched as her appetite to shrunk to nonexistent in the last few days, and realized that making breakfast wouldn't achieve anything. Instead, he put on a strong pot of coffee and quietly prepared for the day while giving Bella as much time to sleep as possible. He had been to court, even testified in so many trials, he had lost count. Many of his cases felt personal because he allowed them to take over his life. He had felt underprepared for those trials, but that sinking feeling in his stomach was no comparison to the dread he felt as he shaved. The press had hounded his co-workers, lit up his phone, and even crashed the precinct email servers in an attempt to get the inside scoop. He had ignored all them, threw out "no comments" when forced, and been forced into desk duty because of the journalists. Now that the trial was upon him, though, he knew that they would stop at nothing for updates. Because they were trying to maintain Bella's anonymity, the judge granted a closed courtroom. No press were allowed at all during the trial, but they would be waiting like vultures all over that courthouse, just looking for a weak link to interrogate. He would just have to hope like hell that it wasn't he or Bella doing the talking. Determined to see justice for both himself and his daughter, he poured his coffee, tucked in his dress uniform shirt, and went to wake Bella for the beginning of many hellacious days in court.

Today was the day that was going to end her lovely Renee-free bubble, but Bella felt the universe took the opportunity to laugh at her. She hardly slept last night due to the uncontrollable crying fits that were then followed by long-winded rants that she felt for sure scared Charlie. When she finally did manage to get some sleep, the alarm sounded after so little time, Bella wasn't certain the sleep was worth it at all.

The trial with its publicity and "newsworthiness" just seemed too much and as sure as she was there were no more tears to cry, she still felt as though the dam to burst at any moment. Talking about Renee and remembering what she could about the hospitals, doctors, and Renee's behavior with Charlotte had actually been surprising easy to separate from, and Bella could talk about it as though it all happened to someone else. Now that she would be seeing Renee again for the first time in several months, that long-forgotten bone-deep fear resettled into her bones. It felt as though no time had passed at all. _What would she look like? What would she say? Would she try to blame me? Or Charlie? _

Mr. Albrook had prepared her to be painted as a liar and a vindictive teenager looking to spite a loving mother. Of course, nobody outside of the defense team really knew how they were going to play off of Renee's crazy. As that thought crossed her mind, she realized that it was the fear of those unknown arguments that really scared Bella. She had Mr. Albrook on her side, Charlie next to her, along with the truth to prove Renee's guilt. With those thoughts in her mind, she tried to square her shoulders and walk up those stairs with her head held high. And right into a camera, apparently. It was as though that camera was reality's way of reminding her to keep her head in the game as they walked in that back entrance of the courthouse. Charlie was livid, but the absurdity of that little accident sent Bella into a fit of hysterical laughing.

Charlie threw his arms over Bella's shoulders, and rushed into a quiet alcove right inside the door.

"Bella, oh my god, are you okay? Did he hurt you? Are you bleeding? Wait, are you laughing?" Charlie's questions started panicky, but his voice became more incredulous as he realized Bella was fine.

"Yeah," hiccup. "I'm," hiccup. "Okay." Taking a deep breath and straightening out her clothes, Bella tried to contain the escaping giggles. "I guess I just needed a release or something. I was thinking this morning how it was like the universe was laughing at me last night, you know?"

Charlie, who now appeared nervous for Bella, just nodded minutely.

Though they had slowed down, more giggles escaped before Bella could speak again. "Well, when that camera hit me, my first thought was, okay, okay, reality. I get it. I'll put on my game face."

With one last deep breath, she stood up, combed back her hair, and with a rare face-breaking smile, looked her dad in the eyes with one last giggle. "Apparently, my game face is just as ridiculous as my everyday face, Dad. C'mon, let's do this."

Seated in the front row behind the prosecutor, Bella tried to keep her eyes on anything but Renee. It was inevitable, she decided, that Renee's hateful glare would once again make her feel small and fearful. With Charlie by her side, several people in between the two women and the numerous police officers stationed in the courtroom, Bella felt emboldened enough to send Renee back a hateful stare of her own. Though it only lasted a second, Bella watched Renee's eyes widen. Had she not known the woman so well, Bella would have missed it. That moment would be just another in a series of small victories that Bella couldn't recognize while it happened.

Bella felt Charlie grab her hand, but before she could look at him to inquire, the bailiff made his presence known.

"All rise. The Honorable Phillip K. Dywer."

"Thank you, Bailiff. All but the defendant may be seated."

There was a large rustle as the crowd settled in for the impending circus. Bella rolled her eyes as she noticed that Renee attempted to look prim and proper in a suit easily two sizes too big. Before she continued down that train of thought, the judge began the proceedings.

"In the matter of the State of Arizona versus Renee Swan, how do you plead?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Bella saw her lawyer put a restraining hand on Renee's forearm.

"We plead not guilty and have completed the necessary steps to enter a plea of insanity for the charges." Mr. Slimy, as Bella has named him, adjusted his tie, and she hoped he choked on the multi-color monstrosity. Bella and Charlie looked at each other and simultaneously rolled their eyes. She felt a sense of immediate comfort as he put his arm around her shoulder, but still startled as he spoke.

"We know she's nuts, Bella. That doesn't mean she didn't know what she was doing. Just remember that."

Bella agreed with a quick nod of her head, unable to speak. Luckily, the judge again spoke, and she tried to do just what Charlie had said. She, Charlie and Mr. Albrook had spent many hours talking about legal insanity versus just being crazy. She knew Renee would try to get out of the guilt, but was still surprised, then hurt, and just disappointed that her mother was just a child in so many ways.

"All of the preliminary paperwork has been received, Mr. Uley. Are both sides prepared to give opening statements?"

"Yes."

"We are, Your Honor." Bella liked that Mr. Albrook seemed to be more respectful in his answer to the judge. Those lawyers she'd seen on TV were supposed to be polite to the judges. She hoped that was how it really worked.

"Mr. Uley, please begin."

"Thank you, Your Honor."

He gathered his leather notebook and whispered something in Renee's ear, causing her to sit down. Walking up to the podium, he looked around the courtroom, paying quite a bit of attention to the women in the jury box.

"Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. My client, Renee Higgins Swan…"


End file.
